Some of that reminds me of my stepfather. He was only a Senior Chief Petty Officer but sounds like something he would have said. He could be very funny.
When I graduated boot camp my parents came up to Great Lakes for the occasion. I had been company honor man and after we were going to some shindig (publicity) and I was walking with my company commander my parents and some Lt.. My stepfather mentioned to the Lt. that he was a retired Navy Chief, the Lt. asked what his job was and he replied "His job was giving Lt.s a hard time". The look on the Lt.'s face was priceless.