Babylon Bee SATIRE: 9 Upsides Of A Nuclear Apocalypse

[Charlie T Waite]

Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?

Here are 9 great upsides of a nuclear apocalypse:

1. You never have to go to IKEA again: Never again will you have to navigate a labyrinthian hellscape of cheap furniture and meatballs! Yay!
2. You have this cool extra arm growing out of your shoulder now: You can multitask!
3. Flash from the explosion will burn out your eyes so you won't have to see whatever Lizzo does next: Praise be!
4. Your friends who made fun of you for keeping all your DVDs will be jealous since all the streaming services are down now: Who's laughing now?
5. Everyone will agree how terrible Biden was: At last, unity in America!
6. No more climate change: More importantly, no more Swedish teens lecturing you on climate change.
7. You'll finally feel vindicated for spending $7,000 on a chicken coop and raising chickens: Eggs are the new currency. You're rich!
8. The 750 hours you sank into the Fallout franchise won't have gone to waste: You've been training for this your whole life.
9. You'll finally have time! All the time in the world! Time enough to enjoy all your Tuttle Twins books! Now, where were your glasses?: *CRACK... "NOOOOOOOOO!"

See? Things won't be so bad! Now quit yer bellyachin'! And don't forget to take your iodine.

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

You, sir, are genuinely peculiar and strange.  I am delighted that I am not alone.

[Buckshot Bob]

52 minutes ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

You, sir, are genuinely peculiar and strange.  I am delighted that I am not alone.

His glass is 1/2 full 

[Blackwater 53393]

1 hour ago, Buckshot Bob said:

His glass is 1/2 full 

But his bread ain’t done!!