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Alpo

The Middle Wife

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by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher

 


I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.


When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and, usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch - stuff like that.


And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.


Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.


She holds up a snapshot of an infant.


 "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.


"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."


She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.


"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans, "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' "


Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.


"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."


Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.


"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"


This kid has her legs spread and her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!


"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.'


"They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."


Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.


I'm sure I applauded the loudest.


Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

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That’s a great post. Thanks Alpo. :D

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30 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

That’s a great post. Thanks Alpo. :D

 ... don't you mean "thanks Erica" ?  ;)

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6 hours ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 ... don't you mean "thanks Erica" ?  ;)

Duh...Erica didn’t post this...

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6 hours ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 ... don't you mean "thanks Erica" ?  ;)


Did “Erica” post this? :wacko:

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

Duh...Erica didn’t post this...

 

 

 no, ...... but Erica did tell the story ..... and deserves almost all of the credit ;)

Edited by Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062

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1 minute ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 

 

 no, ...... but Erica did tell the story .....

According to her teacher...per the post Alpo made...

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Sometimes Anna tells it....

 

According to Snopes it goes back at least to 2002 on the internet, which is early days. A very good story, though unlikely to have happened quite that way!

 

Sounds more like something a smart comic would have come up with. And funny.

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I know I've had it in my files since 2007.

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You can tell it's an old story.

 

If it was happening today the teacher would not have to worry about having her camcorder. She would have recorded it on her phone.

 

And the mother would not have had a bag of water in case the baby got thirsty. It would have been a bottle of water.

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