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Showing content with the highest reputation on 11/01/2021 in all areas

  1. A bloke escapes from a prison and breaks into a house to look for money and guns.Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.While tying the homeowner's missus to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his missus: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"His missus responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.Be strong honey, I love you, too!"
    13 points
  2. It’s corn appreciation night here at the Lazy Bob. Both candy and liquor.
    9 points
  3. This day do we celebrate our silver anniversary: 25 years of marriage and still just as happy as if we had good sense! Many years, many memories, much laughter, and as happens between every married couple ... we almost develop our own language, our verbal shorthand, our standing jokes. I ran up (okay, drove, I'm too lazy to run!) -- I went to Olive Garden and got a meal to go. Melissa is not up to going anywhere unless it's most urgent and that's fine, that's why God invented curbside pickup. Anyway -- They include little foil wrapped chocolate mint thingies, Melissa handed me one and said "Mint, dear?" and we laughed ... You see, we went to the annual Civil War Show in Mansfield, reputed to be the biggest in the country, and we delighted in viewing the simulated field hospital amputation: as a couple medical veterans, we watched, commented quietly to one another, smiled indulgently as everyone around us cringed at the sound -- a plastic pipe inside the dummy leg makes a surprisingly realistic sound when the saw bites into it -- and in the shocked silence that followed, Melissa innocently held out a box of Tic Tacs and said "Mint, dear?" Everyone but the surgeon, the surgical nurse and the patient turned and glared at us like we were ghouls! We still laugh at that one!
    8 points
  4. Brought my three kiddos to Akron Indianas trick or treating night and Misty and her crew were very busy passing out candy. The town of Akron is so excited to have them there. It’s been fun talking to all the townspeople about our awesome shooting sport. Exciting times!
    7 points
  5. Looking at the good Subdeacon's quick vid of fuel-up and takeoff in Alaska ... I recall reading about a fellow who landed near a rural Nevada gas station, walked over to the pump with a gas can and said a little hesitantly, "This must be a little unusual," and the old timer running the place said "Sure is, son, most folks taxi right up to the pump!"
    6 points
  6. Advances in medicine have made chances for a longer, healthier life possible for you and many others. Don't turn your back on it! As a prostate cancer survivor and the recipient of life saving heart surgery, when I was 16, I'm now close to 78, thanks to health science and doctors, I'm telling you: GET YOUR BUTT TO THE CARDIOLOGIST!
    6 points
  7. Here’s Jack, the yellow lab, with a leash wrapped in green tape and covered with green beans. Can anybody guess his costume?
    5 points
  8. Day Care For Tigers bdb0b9cc-b950-4c51-8f48-bb18b232ea6e.MP4
    5 points
  9. Just returned from a great, fun night passing out candy. 3 hours of kiddos!!!
    5 points
  10. You Think!?!! <rant mode on> The left/liberals/progressives/socialists/communists (feel free to pick a term that you choose) hate repeat hate anything that does not conform to their world view and end goal. Remember they are always most liberal with other peoples money and they firmly believe they are the only ones who can/should lead. If they understood economics they would embrace capitalism for lifting the oppressed up out of poverty. If they understood human nature they would know that any form of socialism is doomed to failure as there will always be some who want more for them selves, some work for it, some forcibly take it , some use governmental pressure to steal it and no amount of singing Kum by Yah is going to change that. If they understood that law and order is the bedrock of society that allows citizens to participate in their community they would be coming after criminals every day to keep them from harming those who cannot defend themselves. They would see that condoning and decriminalizing these behaviors leads eventually to an overall breakdown of societal norms between citizens. If they understood that addictions of many types divert productive people from accomplishing the goals they have in their life and producing a better society for all they would not be so gung ho on legalizing drugs, gambling, prostitution and pornography. Anything in excess has potential to derail a person and make them less than they could otherwise be. If they understood business they would not be attempting to create a "class envy" between income levels. Those differences come about for a lot of reasons but one commonality is that sitting on your hind end and expecting someone else to pay your way in life is not a long term viable strategy. It is simply jealousy and laziness. BUT and this is a very big but, they see themselves as a superior human and the great unwashed masses should simply follow their leadership. In their opinion this will provide wealth, power and control for them and peaceful existence for the masses as the masses are led by the superior man. The big question is this, if their viewpoint is so obvious why do they need to indoctrinate those without any real world experience to get the masses to see they are correct? Why do they need to lie, exaggerate, slant or simply ignore everyone else who doesn't agree? Why do they need to rewrite history rather than taking some time and learning from it? Pretty sure you know the answer. The only history we really need was written 2000 years ago and the only laws we need were written in 10 sentences on some rocks. <rant mode off> Regards Gateway Kid
    4 points
  11. Awesome! I’d swear you were an actual dog!!
    4 points
  12. My wife and I stayed at a Victorian BnB in Asheville, NC several years ago. Around 2:00am we heard an awful clatter as footsteps ran all over the floor in the room above us. The next morning we were having breakfast with the other guests and I asked who’d enjoyed the late night. When nobody confessed to being in that room, the host told us that the house did indeed experience such events.
    4 points
  13. I don't find it harsh. I read as "Make your monthly match so much fun that people don't want to miss it" as opposed to a monthly where it's going to be the expected 10/10/4 and typical stage shooting order.
    4 points
  14. Horrendous gas prices, lack of ammo and reloading components, Covid, unemployment. Just because people don’t go to matches doesn’t mean they don’t want to. Times are hard.
    4 points
  15. Bruce's 75 year old dad thought he should do something about his ginormous beer belly so he went to the gym.While he was there a young sheila with a perfect body came in, and Bruce's dad got the hots for her immediately.So he went up to the trainer and asked him which machine he should use to impress this young sheila.The trainer looked him up and down and said; I would suggest the ATM in the reception area sir....
    3 points
  16. Up early to dig hole for flagpole. 5 gallon bucket of gravel 80 lbs concrete let set 24 hours. Next volunteer at shop help with their trunk or treat. Noon hour long ride to take Saints and Sinners tour through the grave yard. Actors portrayed historical people and told their stories in first person.2 and half hours later quick BBQ lunch and back to shop for meeting. I need work start giving me mandatory overtime for recovery.
    3 points
  17. My house is haunted, probably by the man who built it and who died here. I've never seen him clearly, always out the corner of my eye. My front porch has steps on the west side and the front door on the east. there is a railing on both sides of the steps. If I'm sitting in my chair I can clearly see the door and the steps. On many occasions, always in mid afternoon, I've caught sight of a slender old man walking from the north side to the south. He's wearing gray pants and a green shirt, and has on a green John Deere baseball cap. He's in view for maybe three or four seconds. That's the only place I've seen him. I've never had a good look at his face, but his hair is white and he's bent and shuffling. I believe he's the man I described above because the old guy was an antique dealer and restored John Deere stuff, especially kids' toys. I believe he's a ghost because he's never come in the door nor gone down the steps and can't leave the porch any other way, and no matter how quick I am I can't see anyone anywhere near when I go rushing out the door to catch him. He doesn't bother me and I've seen no other evidence that he's here. I think he may be checking up to see that I'm taking care of his house. Also, I'm pretty well convinced that my little dog is channeling my late wife. If I fall asleep in that same chair and wake up, there's nothing unusual, unless I hear my wife's voice saying "Tom, get up and go to bed." Every time I hear that I wake up and that dog is sitting on the arm of the chair with her tongue out and her tail wagging. I've known people who claimed to have seen ghosts and I always listened to their stories with a measure of doubt, but...............well, you never know.
    3 points
  18. #2: Heard about the 3 blondes that walked into a bar?
    3 points
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