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For Matthew Duncan - The Southern Boy

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President Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello? President Obama?" a deep southern voice said, "This here's Archie down at Joe's Catfish Shack in Montgomery, Alabama and I am acallin' to tell all y'all up there in Washington that we are officially declaring war on you folks."


"Well, Archie," President Obama replied, "this is, indeed, some very interesting news. How big is your army?"


"Right now," said Archie, after a moment's calculation, "there's me, my cousin Harold and my next door neighbor Randy plus the whole dart team here in Hooters. That makes 8 of us!"


President Obama paused. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have one million men in my army and they are waiting to move on my command."


"Wow," said Archie, "I'll have to call you back."


A few minutes later, Archie called again. "President Obama, this war is still on. We managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"


"And what equipment would that be, Archie?" President Obama asked.


"Well, we got us a coupla combines, a bulldozer and Harry's tractor."


President Obama grinned and sighed..."I must tell you guys, Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers and I've increased my army by one and a half million since we spoke a few minutes ago."


"Lawdy mercy!" said Archie, "Lemme get back to ya."


A few minutes later, Archie called back. "President Obama, I'm sorry to say it, but we have had to call off this here war we been talkin' 'bout."


"Well, Archie, I'm sorry to hear that," said President Obama. "Why the sudden change of heart, if I may I ask?"


"Well, I tell you, it's like this," said Archie. "We've sat ourselves down and had a chat over our sweet tea and we jus' come to realize that there ain't no way we can afford to feed two million prisoners!"






Matthew, we're thinking of you.

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