Dogmeat Dad, SASS #48563L Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 My wife and I have enjoyed going to the Dinner Theater since we started dating, some 35 years ago. For those of you who have never experienced a Dinner Theater, it is typically a small local theater group where you get a, usually, buffet style dinner and the waiters and waitresses are also the actors in the play. Dinner can be anything from home-style cooking to 3-star cuisine, I've never seen 4 or 5-star in a Dinner Theater. We decided to take the family to the Holiday Show just before Christmas last year. In attendance were my wife, our two sons, my Father-In-Law, and myself. Because we are season ticket holders, we usually get preferential seating and this time our seats were right down in front. My oldest son and I had our back to the stage for dinner and turned our chairs around for the show. My seat was right on the isle that doubles as an entry/exit for the actors. The premise of the holiday show was that Santa and Mrs. Claus were interviewing characters to be the new Holiday Character for the season. There was the Gingerbread Man, Jack Frost, the Tooth Fairy, a Leprechaun, and a few others, all of which were quite amusing. It's the last character before intermission, and the Wicked Witch of the West comes on stage in a slinky outfit reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe or May West. Mrs. Claus objects, of course, as you can't have a "wicked" Christmas character, to which she replies, "But I'm a really 'Good' Wicked Witch". At this point, the Witch begins to sing a very sultry rendition of "Santa Baby". Santa is enjoying it immensely and as expected Mrs. Claus is getting miffed. About halfway through the song, the Wicked Witch starts down the stairs at the center of the stage, planning to head down the isle for a grand exit before the lights come up at intermission. So there I am, enjoying the song, tapping my foot, when all of a sudden I realize that she is heading straight for me. After a brief "Deer In The Headlights " moment, it occurs to me that she intends to sit on my lap! Being the suave, sophisticated individual that I am, I Panicked, and sat straight up in my chair! This had the unfortunate effect of moving her intended target area, my lap, just enough that when she sat, which was inevitable at this point, she only managed to get, shall we say, one cheek on the seat! Well to keep her from hitting the floor, I put my arms around her and held on until she managed to regain her balance, never once missing a beat on her song. What a Professional ! She finished the verse, started to rise from her precarious position, brushed my cheek with her hand, gave me a wink to say thanks, and proceeded on down the isle finishing her song, exiting to loud applause. At this point the lights came up and I realize that my wife, who is sitting directly behind me, is staring directly into the back of my head. You could almost smell what little hair is left back there burning. I look to my son seated next to me and say "This Won't End Well", rotate my chair back to the table, look my wife right in the eyes and in my most sincere voice say… "I did absolutely nothing to encourage that witch!" The guy sitting at the table directly behind my wife started laughing as he tried to sip his intermission Gin & Tonic. My wife started to smile about the incident and then the guy at the table on the other side said to his companions, "That's just what I said about my second wife!" At this point the guy with the Gin & Tonic lost it. I think half his drink exited through his nose. My wife was now laughing, and it looked like I might survive the incident unscathed. That was until my Father In Law started in with the, "Boy She Was Hot" and "I wish I had been in your seat"! I think I will leave him at home next year. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm taking my wife to the Dinner Theater this weekend for her birthday, which reminded me of this story. Think I will request a table in the back, just to be safe. Thanks for listening. Dogmeat Dad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Harley, #14153 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I was about to call baloney on your story, but that's just too good not to be true. Thanks for the laugh! I wish I could say my dinner theater experience was the same. My wife and I went a few years ago and I'd just happened to have been to my barber that day and was sporting a perfect high and tight. (My wife thinks it's sexy!) One of the play's characters was a flamboyant homosexual being played by a flamboyant homosexual. In this particular scene he was prancing through the audience singing a song that even I had to admit was uproariously funny, when all of a sudden he came up our aisle, sat in my lap, put his arms around me, and ran his finger up my cheek, and then brushed the back of my shaved head. My face turned six shades of red. The audience completely cracked up. My wife had tears running down her cheeks from laughter. I had to admit it was a great gag, even if at my expense. Next time I hope for the Wicked Witch in my lap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogmeat Dad, SASS #48563L Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 CH, Glad you enjoyed it, and yes, it was true. The best stories usually are, you just can't make some of this stuff up! Yours for example was certainly a doozy. I've always wondered how the actors pick their "Victims". The actors certainly run the risk of a complete and total disaster if they manage to pick the wrong person to focus their attention on. In my case, it was probably a combination of availibility and the fact that I appear completely harmless to the casual observer. The most important thing to take away from these kind of experiences is SIT IN THE BACK, AWAY FROM THE ISLES! Dogmeat Dad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Many years ago Miz Grizz and I went to a Renaissance festival. Big permanent venue for the two week long fair. There were several pavilions with entertainment, one of which was the singing executioners. They did some singing and comedy. We were in the back, and when they called for a volunteer, somehow they picked me, and though I didn't want to do it Miz Grizz talked me into it. So they get me up on stage and ask my name. With a totally straight face I told them "Nunya." Interesting name they said, what's your last name? Again with a straight face I say "Business." It took them a second to get it before they said "your name is Nunya Bizness, very funny, let us to the jokes" but it got a big laugh from the audience. I don't remember what the rest of the sketch was, except it made me a bit uncomfortable, something with a broad axe or some such. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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