Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984

Story from the internet. Years ago, as a police officer in small town Wisconsin, I was checking business doorknobs late at night. Walked up to the one and only funeral home, turned the knob….door unlocked. Damn! Summoned my partner (checking doors across the street) and in we go. No idea where the light switches were and our simple plan was to step in, turn around and leave, locking the door on the way out…….indeed, we would have requisitely “checked” the place. Right? Nope. As we turned to leave, we heard a crashing sound behind us. Playing our flashlights about, we found the business’ cash box laying on the floor in the office. Just then, we heard sounds coming from downstairs where the casket showroom and embalming room (behind closed doors) were to be found. Huddled together, my partner and I descended the stairs only to have our flashlights show a casket lid closing across the room! We hatched a scheme whereby I would stand behind the casket, reach over it, pull the cover open and my partner —- standing in front of it —- would then arrest the clumsy cashbox thief. Nervous as we both could be in the darkened room, I pulled open the lid and the perp leaped out of the casket like a jack-in-the-box! Partner dropped his flashlight and revolver, and the casket occupant blew by me, up the stairs, out the door —— never to be caught! Needless to write, much more circumspect checking that particular doorknob, again

The Scots?

Ahhh, consider me to be a hermit, I don’t watch alleged news.

CSPAN? Whzthat?

A saw? Where’d you hide it?

Perhaps a proposed office building that discovered it could expect 0 occupancy?

You never met her?

A good speech is like a good skirt, long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.

Hell, I like how the male cops are grizzled veterans and the lady cops are babes. (Like f’rinstance everywhere.)

Saltation — it’s a word that describes how sands move, also it’s a word that describes how kangaroos, some other mammals and even insects move.

There it is possible that there were copycats in the crowd who tried to duplicate the event. They only think the pic was them. there weren’t many seaplane machine gunners.

There weren’t many who could.

Bertha Benz (1849 – 1944) Bertha Benz was the wife of engineer Karl Benz (of Mercedes-Benz fame) and she became his partner in business as well as in marriage. In 1886, Benz premiered the Benz-Patent Motorwagen, the world’s very first automobile. Two years later, Bertha Benz loaded her teenage sons into the Motorwagen and took a drive across their home country of Germany. This 66-mile drive was the first long-distance road trip ever. Bertha’s aim had been to stir up publicity for the Motorwagen, and her plan worked. She was also able to troubleshoot some of the Motorwagen’s problems on her long ride. After her Motorwagen’s wooden brakes failed, she had them covered with the very first brake pads (which she called “break linings”) made of leather. Bertha Benz’s role as one of the most influential women in automotive history cannot be overstated.

It was winter in the Scottish highlands and nobody had seen McDougall for a week. A search party sets out and they find the snow up to the roof of his cottage. One of the party goes up to the chimney and shouts, “McDougall, are you there?” McDougall replies, “Aye, who is it?” The rescuer says, “It’s the Red Cross.” McDougall shouts, “Away, I gave last month.”

Agree. Won’t watch another.

The middle one….

No longer a foil tray, today’s equivalent is a plastic tray that’s about 5”x6”.

A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer are playing eighteen holes at their local course and they find they’re stuck behind a really slow foursome. After taking an hour and a half to get through three holes, they call one of the club stewards over and ask what the hold-up’s all about. “Well sirs,” says the steward, “these guys are all firefighters, and they were all blinded in a terrible accident at the orphanage while they were rescuing the children from the fire. So the club committee voted to let them play here once a week for free. We’re sorry for the inconvenience, but I’m sure you understand it’s the least the community can do for a bunch of heroes.” “I’m sure there’s more that could be done,” says the doctor. “There’s all sorts of pioneering work being done just now in restoring sight — I’ll take a look at this and see if anything can be done for them.” “That’s likely to run into money,” says the lawyer. “Tell you what, I bet these guys aren’t getting all the compensation they’re entitled to. I’ll take that case pro bono.” And the engineer says, “Since they’re blind, why don’t you just let them play at night?”

The naked machine gunner hero During the Second World War, an American pilot was shot down by Japanese anti-aircraft and ended up in the sea near the port of Rabaul. He did not die but was seriously injured. He managed to send out a distress call, which was heard by the US Navy's "Dumbo" rescue unit. The rescue unit's machine gunner didn't think twice. He took off the clothes that would have prevented him from swimming, dived into the water and brought the pilot to safety. Immediately afterwards, still naked, he stood in his position to respond to the fire of the Japanese who were trying to prevent the seaplane from regaining altitude. The photo was taken by Horace Bristol, an American war photographer. His photos have appeared in Time, Fortune, Sunset, National Geographic and Life magazines. The name of the hero machine gunner remains unknown to this day.

I like gmail. My. Complaint is that I frequently get “you have. Used 99% of your storage…” and they want me to buy more. I purge my mail and never get it below 90%. There is no way to find the piggies.

Aug 29, 2009 #1 Dear Tech Support: I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but de-install doesn't work on this program. Can you please help! Joe. Dear Joe, This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything. You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to de-install, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but have ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ IAPOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C:\ I APOLOGISE a number of times, but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash. Best of luck! Tech Support

Has the ship been moved?

Best thing about them was that my mother didn’t cook them, they weren’t boiled and the onions were not burnt, only put em in the oven and took em out.

6’?