The Ol' Toostone Saloon

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

( this is cuz Deja ain't been here yet )

 

Grampaw opens the door and a blast of 10deg cold wind blows across the floor and thru the Saloon. Then pushes thru the Batwing Doors.

 

As we all know, Batwing Doors are REQUIRED on a Western Saloon and so Toostone Saloon had affixed and entryway with a snow door for the winter season. They should have taken off the Batwing Doors and installed in inner door to help keep the wind and snow out but since the Batwing Doors are REQUIRED that item was deleted from the Agenda and the goof who had made the motion sent out to cut firewood. He didn't come back though.

 

Grampaw surveys the cast iron Ben Franklin stove. It's as cold as the iron horseshoes on the hitch rail out front.

 

the door opens again and another blast of that 10 deg wind and more snow blows in, drifting across the floor. Lightning Laura comes in and sez "Grampaw ain't you got that fire goin' yet?"

 

"Gotta fetch firewood" sez Grampaw. He puts his rifle on the bar and heads out the back. Laura selects a bottle of rye whisky from the shelf and considers the kitchen stove. The kitchen stove is as cold as the other stove. She chugs a snort from the bottle, goes back to the door and whistles. Another huge blast of cold wind and snow blows in and then her dog, Riley.

 

Riley sets. Doesn't care about the snow on the floor but looks hopefully at the whisky bottle.

 

Grampaw comes back with an armload of firewood. "Start the kitchen stove first". Grampaw recons he's gonna haveta start 'em both anyway so he heads into the kitchen. "They didn't clean out the ashes last nite" he sez. Laura takes another chug on the bottle and pours out a saucer for Riley ...

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

Grampaw fetches his hatchet, selects one chunk of firewood with pretty straight grain and splits the kindling. Laura comes over with a bunch of papers. "Here" she says "these should help".

 

"Nah" sez Grampaw, "that's Flint's Tab. we can't burn that. if the patrons in this place can't use Flint's tab they'll burn the place down"

 

Grampaw gets out his knife and whittles some tinder off one piece of the kindlin

 

"What do I do with all this then" asks Laura

 

"Just put it back on the bar. "

 

"There's no place left to write on it" Laura protests

 

"Ain't nobody wrote nothin on it for the last couple years now" sez Grampaw. "And don't forgit to put thet bottle a rye on Flint's tab. He'd be want'n ta buy, bein' as how ya hep clean the place up and get ready for the Holiday"

 

"May as well git another bottle then" sez Laura, "Riley's kinda thirsty"

[Deja Vous]

So, I am here now, and I am ready to drink... Pass me a half ounce of that stuff your sipping on.. lol Oh, wait Flint is paying again.. get me a keg and I will pass it around the Saloon ... and I need 1000 straws too please.. And 100 napkins for a friend. Did you get the fire going yet? When is everyone else coming? Hey, what are you doing now? How much Farther? Are we there yet.. give me the chair that rocks, okay? Hey what is that, a watch chain? K... now you know what it is like to have me in the Saloon with YA'LL.. LOL

[Cliff Hanger #3720LR]

As I was passing the Old Toostone Saloon, I see a light on. So I thought I would step in. It's been years since I was in this place. I was sitting over there by that Franklin and some yahoo came in blasting away with his shot gun. When it was over I had found $.35 on the floor under the table I was sittin' at. Was more than enough to replace the drink I hadn't finished that was no where to be found. While I was collecting my 35 cents, I thought I had been shot. My shoulder was hurtin' and drippin' wet. After standing up it turns out I must have hit my shoulder on the chair as I was looking for change and my coat was soaked with whiskey.

 

I see Grampaw Willie movin' about startin' up the fire. Now I'm wonderin' if Grampaw Willie is going to re open this gathering spot of old? If any one can bring it back to life. Grampaw Willie is the one who can.

 

Howdy, Willie! Been a long time.

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

Good thing ya show up Clif. Did ya bring yer 45-70? And a good hoss? We gonna have an Elk Roast but we gotta git one first.

 

Now I dunno about leav'n Deja alone here with Lightning Laura...

 

Grampaw picks up his rifle

 

"I got my 38-55 here but if ya brought yer 45-70 that'd be a bit better to git us an Elk"

[Deja Vous]

Good thing ya show up Clif. Did ya bring yer 45-70? And a good hoss? We gonna have an Elk Roast but we gotta git one first.

 

Now I dunno about leav'n Deja alone here with Lightning Laura...

 

Grampaw picks up his rifle

 

"I got my 38-55 here but if ya brought yer 45-70 that'd be a bit better to git us an Elk"

 

 

I can be trusted... I think? lol

[Long Jim Hancock]

"Man my dern HEAD hurts...again..." Long moans...as he chances opening up ONE EYE and searches out his nappin' spot behind the barrle shaped wood stove.

Sounds of life come from the corner around at the bar where he hears Wille...and others shuffling about.

I" BLEIVE' I was playin' cards with my brothers kids...last nite before Flint, and Okie started that whiskey drinkin' contest...."

[Cliff Hanger #3720LR]

45-70? Was I suppose to bring that big rifle with me? You know the older I get the less I like carrying the Sharps around, much less those big rounds for it.

 

And what's this about a good horse. I've never taken to riding a horse. Rather walk. Besides by walking I can't go far. And if I can't go far, there's less chance of me finding more trouble. At least here I know who will start something up with no prodding.

 

You're not sure about Leaving Deja here alone with Lightning Laura? Who you worrying for? I've met Deja before.....somewhere??! She seems to be a real friendly lady. Can be a bit talkative at times. Always having fun....but I don't think anyone who may have crossed her will every think about doing it again. At least wise, not while sober! I think those two ladies can handle anything as long as we get out of the way.

 

Now you want to go out there in the cold looking for an elk? I'll go with ya but the only thing making me do this is thinking about coming back to those fires you got going in the stove. You said you have your 38-55. Well then, you'll just have to get a little closer.

[Lt. C.J. Canary]

The outer door bangs shut in the cold windy and a snow-covered form staggers slowly through the batwings, snatches a bottle of whiskey from the bar (the GOOD stuff!) ambles toward the stove and flops over it.

 

"HOLY !@#@$# THAT'S COLD!" the shriek fills the Saloon (always capitalize Saloon!) "What lazy @$#% is s'posed ta be building fires??!!"

 

No doubt about that gruff and grating voice ..... it's none other than Calamity Jane!

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

ZOUNDS!! Th' Party's started fer shure now: Calamity is here!! ( Yea )

 

OK then Cliff, we can git an Elk with the High-wall. There was a small herd running just south of the old west feed lot; we should have one by noon.

 

By this time Grampaw has the Franklin stove hot and the kitchen stove too. Lightning Laura has a pot of coffee perk'n . Noth'n better after a long night at the poker table than a good cup of Toostone Coffee: tin cup and double shot of rye.

 

Grampaw looks over to Laura and sez "Soon's that coffee's ready fix up Long Jim with a little medicine. We're gonna need him when we get back". Laura puts down the whisky bottle "OK", she sez

 

Grampaw picks up the Highwall. C'mon Cliff; we'll take my 3 horses

 

We leav'n Calamity, Laura and Deja here. They can use Flint's tab. Hopefully the place'll still be in 1 piece when we get back

 

Grampaw looks back. "Calamity you keep the damn dynamite in the shed 2 blocks over,-- please!!"

 

{ sounds of horses as Grampaw and Cliff move out for their hunt }

[SKEET SHOOTER, SASS #42346]

The door opens slow and is closed even slower behind a man who's been gone a while. Skeet Shooter lays a Big Sharps on the Bar. "Boy's it's a 45-110. take it and be welcome. My Elk hunting days are numbered. But, my drink'n arm still works." Skeet pulls out a chair and sits down wore out and dog tired he ask, "Anybody heard from Sawyer, Pulp, Judy Long Legs, Quigley, or any of the old timers. I need a drink."

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

Laura comes over with the coffee pot and a bottle of rye. "How ya want yer medicine" she asks?

"Make up yer mind quick cuz I gotta catch Grampaw and Cliff and pass that Sharps over to Cliff. He didn't take a rifle and that 45-110 is just what them boys need !!"

[Deja Vous]

Okay, quick question here... how come Laura always gets the bottle of rye and the HOT coffee pot.. don't you guys trust me to carry stuff? lol. And how come we have to stay behind, we want to go shoot stuff up too..

[Jittery Jim Jonah, SASS #64913L]

The trail had been long and hard, and the bone chillin' cold didn't help none. As Jittery Jim Jonah walked his paint slowly down the short main street of this, uhhh, town, he could swear he heard a piano playin. Or was it those danged voices in his head again. A faint light glowed past the thin oilskin on a window to his right.

 

A really battered excuse for a door had light outlining it. JJJ tied up 'Pokey' to the post and slowly worked his way off the saddle. He could hear his chaps cracking from the ice as he set foot on the ground....

 

Hefting his trusty 10 gauge Remington he shoved the door and entered the shanty with a board on the building announcing 'Toostone Saloon'. He was greeted by a cacaphony of curses as the bitter cold swarmed into the saloon. He could swear his eyes fogged up...

 

As he made his way to the bar he saw a friendly face, Deja Vous was seated at a table engaged in an intense discussion about a bottle, a hot pot, and a shotgun. As he shucked his snow covered duster the room lit up with sparkles like snowflakes as the dim lighting caught the silver conchos on the sleeves of his shirt.

 

Hey Deja! He yelled....

[Cascade Charlie, SASS # 48668L]

Cascade Charlie entered the Saloon (ACS) so durn fast that nary a small breeze of cold air made it inside with him.

 

"Well, well, well...lookie here!" He said. "It looks like this is shaping up into a proper Saloon (acs) gathering."

 

"Deja...so..you want to carry something? Why don't you carry ol' Long Jim upstairs and let one of the Nursifyin' Nuns work on him? What? No...they don't have any real nursing skills, but they sure make a man feel better in short order."

 

Ol' Long Jim perked right up at the mention of going upstairs....

[Sweetwater Jack SASS28885L]

Everyone in the Toostone Saloon (ACS) jumps as there is a loud THUMP!, BANG! WHUMP! from somewhere over their heads... Cascade and Long Jim look up in wonder,,,,Long Jim slowly and gingerly due to his "condition"......, and both look at each other and say "Naw, it CAN'T be!... Not HIM!, Not AGAIN!" Calamity yells: "Bottles! "Git upstairs and check the roof hatch! And yell back down and tell me that fool Sweetwater Jack ain't crashed his hot air balloon on the Saloon (acs) roof agin!" That boy's a'gonna' kill us ALL with his air-ee-not-i-kal inventions!" A few minutes later, Bottles re-appears, dragging the limp form of Lt. Col Sweetwater Jack, US Balloon Corps (Retired) down the stairs. Heedless of the thumping noise of his head on the stair treads..... "Found him wrapped around the chimney again...says "the WIND shifted". Cascade Charlie, ever-mindful of proper decorum and custom, shoves the colonel's body way back under the Faro table, where he has slept many a night, so that when he comes to he'll be in a familiar place. Charlie turns to the others and says: "Could be worse.... it COULDA' been old SAGE flyin' around out there.....iff'n he crashed, we could'a lost the whole dang Saloon (acs)!!!"

[Lt. C.J. Canary]

CJ slowly gets up from her chair, melted snow now dripping from her hat and her clothes in the warmth from the stove. Peering under the Faro table she mutters, "Got more bars than the last time I saw 'im .... must give rank fer being crazy ......"

 

CJ grabs two full bottles of whiskey, a buffalo robe, and crawls under the Faro table with Sweetwater.

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

There is the sound of horses out back. Grampaw and Cliff have returned with and elk for holiday dinner all field dressed.

 

Deja pokes her head out the back, furious that the men had gone off on the hunt without inviting her. Grampaw is saying "Cliff that was a mighty fine shot!! Git that 45-110 back to Skeet Shooter whilst I butcher some choice cuts here for dinner today. The rest we will hang on the pole there so the 'yotes don't get to it.

 

Grampaw looks up and sees Deja. "Gimme a hand here gittn' this into the kitchen" he asks. "Laura didn't git too much into thet rye now did she?"

[Cascade Charlie, SASS # 48668L]

Having laid Sweetwater Jack under the Faro table a time or twa in the past, Cascade Charlie didn't have any trouble getting him into his favorite positiion for passing away the next few hours.

 

It was a good thing that Sweetwater Jack was out cold 'cause he was gonna be on a real tear when he finds out the state of his beloved airship...'course it weren't the first time he'd crash landed that old thing.

 

Someone once told Sweetwater that "Any landing you can walk away from is a good one." and he's lived by that more than most pilots.

 

Well...it looks like things are getting back to normal around here.

 

"Bottles!" Hollered Charlie, "Let's have some of that good stuff up there on the top shelf and be sure to put this round on Sweetwater Jack's tab. I'm sure he'd want to buy us a round for taking such good care of him!!"

 

Cascade Charlie took the bottle and pulled up a chair with his back to the wall and just watched the front door to see how many of the old crowd would drop by for some Christmas cheer. He didn't notice that CJ had crawled under the Faro table too.

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

Bottles comes out of the kitchen, picks up Flint's tab and considers it.

 

He drops it back on the bar and fetches 2 bottles from the top shelf while muttering something. Then he hollers for Laura: "Where's Sweetwater Jack's Tab?"

 

Laura doesn't answer; she's helping Grampaw get the roasts ready

 

"Ain't nothin' changed around here" mutters Bottles

[Deja Vous]

Cascade Charlie entered the Saloon (ACS) so durn fast that nary a small breeze of cold air made it inside with him.

 

"Well, well, well...lookie here!" He said. "It looks like this is shaping up into a proper Saloon (acs) gathering."

 

"Deja...so..you want to carry something? Why don't you carry ol' Long Jim upstairs and let one of the Nursifyin' Nuns work on him? What? No...they don't have any real nursing skills, but they sure make a man feel better in short order."

 

Ol' Long Jim perked right up at the mention of going upstairs....

 

 

Cascades.. darn it I never get to carry the Hot coffee anymore.. I am so sorry, that I spilled a whole pot on JJJ's ... if he would not have been passed out on the floor with LLC's it wouldn't have happed.. Besides all it did was burn the hair off of his.. uihhh Chaps.. lol... Fine, okay...I will drag him upstairs, I can't carry him alone though.. Where Laura at anyhow?

[Deja Vous]

There is the sound of horses out back. Grampaw and Cliff have returned with and elk for holiday dinner all field dressed.

 

Deja pokes her head out the back, furious that the men had gone off on the hunt without inviting her. Grampaw is saying "Cliff that was a mighty fine shot!! Git that 45-110 back to Skeet Shooter whilst I butcher some choice cuts here for dinner today. The rest we will hang on the pole there so the 'yotes don't get to it.

 

Grampaw looks up and sees Deja. "Gimme a hand here gittn' this into the kitchen" he asks. "Laura didn't git too much into thet rye now did she?"

 

GW... Laura is falling down drunk... I went to get her to help me and she was outback floating in the horse tank, singing with a bar of soap. GW, why am I also going back into the darn kitchen instead of going out hunting... Darn it.. ya'll just won't let me play at all.

[Deja Vous]

The trail had been long and hard, and the bone chillin' cold didn't help none. As Jittery Jim Jonah walked his paint slowly down the short main street of this, uhhh, town, he could swear he heard a piano playin. Or was it those danged voices in his head again. A faint light glowed past the thin oilskin on a window to his right.

 

A really battered excuse for a door had light outlining it. JJJ tied up 'Pokey' to the post and slowly worked his way off the saddle. He could hear his chaps cracking from the ice as he set foot on the ground....

 

Hefting his trusty 10 gauge Remington he shoved the door and entered the shanty with a board on the building announcing 'Toostone Saloon'. He was greeted by a cacaphony of curses as the bitter cold swarmed into the saloon. He could swear his eyes fogged up...

 

As he made his way to the bar he saw a friendly face, Deja Vous was seated at a table engaged in an intense discussion about a bottle, a hot pot, and a shotgun. As he shucked his snow covered duster the room lit up with sparkles like snowflakes as the dim lighting caught the silver conchos on the sleeves of his shirt.

 

Hey Deja! He yelled....

 

 

Heck.. its' Jitterys... I hope he isn't still mad about me burning the hair off his chaps... Jitterys, if you would put down that 10 gauege i will go get you a HOT cup of coffee with a little rye in it. We can sit a spell and you can tell me a story, you know how I love stories. Ahh you didn't tie Pokey over by the horse tank did ya? Laura is likely to be given him a bath if ya did. ..She is in a mood for romance again ya know..

 

Deja thought about the horse out in back.. the painted stud JJJ's called Pokey was far from slow...The horse was from her Grandfather, Dreams so far's, tribe, JJJ's rides with a bosal and mecate, all I would need to do is slip that danged saddle off, and I could be on my way. Heading for the door instead of the rye Deja ducks towards the back door thru the kitchen.. Pokey could catch up with them, now where did I put my rifle? JJJ's will be in there drinking and passing out for 3 or 4 days, gives me plenty of time to go catch up with the guys and shoot... I will have Pokeys back before he knows it.. Besides, Deja kinda likes one of the breeds that has started riding with the posse ... Just as she moves towards the door, .........................

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

"Now Deja, just keep yer pants on. This party goes on until New Year's Day and the one Elk thet Cliff got ain't gonna last us all week. Even if Laura does make us a big pot of that delicious elk stew. Right now I gotta git Laura outta thet tank fore she freezes out thar. So I gotta leave you in charge here in the kitchen and don't let JJJ in. He can't cook nothn' One other thing: don't let Calamity sneak out. Not even for a minute! Jus keep settn' up thet rye for her but none on them half oz shots. jus give her the bottle"

 

Grampaw disappears out the back door

[Sweetwater Jack SASS28885L]

Sweetwater Jack comes to just in time to hear Long Jim shout (somewhat foggily) 'What's that under the Faro Table!? Looks like a dang buffalo is rootin' around under there!" Where's my rifle-gun?" From under the table SWJ sticks his head out of one end of the fur mass and yells: "Don't SHOOT! It's ME!" A split-second later Calamity's head pops out from the other end,,.... :An' ME!!" Long Jim uncocks the Sharps, muttering something about "not enough meat on either ONE of 'em to feed us 'til New Years!"....and staggers up the staircase to get Nun Relief" for his head..... Deja grins, thinking about all the new gossip she can start........

[Lt. C.J. Canary]

CJ grins at Sweetwater and disappears under the buffalo robe again. Moments later Sweetwater's eye's go WIDE and he gasps "Oh my!"

[Sweetwater Jack SASS28885L]

And in a "strangled" voice Sweetwater Jack says: "And here I always thought Bill Hickok was yer only true love..!"

[Cascade Charlie, SASS # 48668L]

In his best Monty Walsh impersonation...Cascade Charlie leans his chair back on it's hind legs, stirs a little bourbon into his open can of peaches, watches the buffalo robe and says..."My oh my."

 

Deciding that it might be time to leave the x rated portion of the Saloon (acs) Charlie moseys on over to the other side of the bar and peers into the kitchen to see how the elk stew is coming along.

 

Charlie can't see any stew pot on the stove, but he CAN see Willie dragging a sopping wet Laura through the back door.

 

Charlie figures it's gonna be awhile before he gets to sample any stew so he takes another bottle off the top shelf and makes himself at home again...

[Deja Vous]

"Now Deja, just keep yer pants on. This party goes on until New Year's Day and the one Elk thet Cliff got ain't gonna last us all week. Even if Laura does make us a big pot of that delicious elk stew. Right now I gotta git Laura outta thet tank fore she freezes out thar. So I gotta leave you in charge here in the kitchen and don't let JJJ in. He can't cook nothn' One other thing: don't let Calamity sneak out. Not even for a minute! Jus keep settn' up thet rye for her but none on them half oz shots. jus give her the bottle"

 

Grampaw disappears out the back door

Well, there he goes again, sticking me in the kitchen.. I hope Lauras spash that water on him when he is out there. A bar of soap wouldn't hurt either, I bet its been a couple weeks for him.. JJJ's is a bit too busy in the other room with a cute little saloon gal, and a bottle of rye.. he passed on the coffee now .. lol

[Deja Vous]

Sweetwater Jack comes to just in time to hear Long Jim shout (somewhat foggily) 'What's that under the Faro Table!? Looks like a dang buffalo is rootin' around under there!" Where's my rifle-gun?" From under the table SWJ sticks his head out of one end of the fur mass and yells: "Don't SHOOT! It's ME!" A split-second later Calamity's head pops out from the other end,,.... :An' ME!!" Long Jim uncocks the Sharps, muttering something about "not enough meat on either ONE of 'em to feed us 'til New Years!"....and staggers up the staircase to get Nun Relief" for his head..... Deja grins, thinking about all the new gossip she can start........

 

Don't take much to entertain folks around here.. just a story about someone rutting around udner a Faro table offers up a full weeks worth of gossip.. Me gossip? Heck no.. I mean it was not me who spilled the beans about Calamaity and being under the table.. i am just listening here..

[Lt. C.J. Canary]

Heard from under the Faro table: "YEEEEHAW!"

 

And like a good movie, the rest is left to the imagination....

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

OK, Deja, OK! sez Grampaw. I'll finish the roasts for tonite. In the meantime it's time to start the poker game. Big table in the corner. 5 card stud. Them's passed out can get in the game soon's they can see their cards. You can deal unil I get the roasts in the oven. Grampaw props Laura up in a chair by the kitchen stove in order to get her thawed out and warmed up and dried out.

 

Dried out?

 

that ain't likely happen'n during this party

 

Bottles finishes lookin at Flint's tab. Drops it back on the bar, picks up Skeet Shooter's 45-110. checks it.

 

"Don't even think about that" sez Grampaw

[Deja Vous]

Just as the light splattered and shattered its way to the floor, JJJ/s walks back in from the back room with his cup full of Rye.. Walking sideways with a glint in his eye he yells out don’t worry Deja I will protect you and empties both pistols gunfighter fashion into the last remains of the light fixture… Which of course wakes Laura up and with her shotgun she managed to put a few holes into JJJ’s chaps, Willies hat, and the glass eye of poor ole bottles. He had just taken it out to clean it.

 

The room went quiet …. for just a second ………….

[Grampaw Willie, SASS No.26996]

"OK, Deja", "we ain't supposed to blow the place up this year. That's why we gotta keep CJ happy"

 

Laura has come around a bit and is dealing 5 card stud for small stakes while Grampaw continues work in the kitchen.

[Deja Vous]

Well, it wasn't my gun that did the blowing up... lol. So, all you have to do is keep CJ happy, and laura out of the water.. Jitterys' is passed out somepalce..