Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984

Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. Clifford would shout, "When I die, I'll dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life ol' woman!!" Neighbours feared him. Old Clifford liked the fact that he was feared. He died at the ripe old age of 98. After the burial, Daisy May's neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" She replied, "LET HIM DIG. I HAD HIM BURIED UPSIDE DOWN... AND I KNOW HE WON'T ASK FOR DIRECTIONS."

Stolen from the internet… A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?" The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room." After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow." The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News." The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."

Chicago 7

Mystery

Camino Real

Left turns

Unfair to zombies and androids.

A 5-year-old boy visited his grandmother one clay. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma later turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend." The minister fainted.

Lollipop

Cut a rug

Telly

Broach

Boobtube

Drilling

Lone Ranger

Old Faithful

Kabuki

Zeppo

Jam

Groucho

Popcorn

Physics

Levitation

joke from WWII: If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction. If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they’re German. If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British. If they surrender, they’re Italian. If there is a mass wave of infantry and tanks, they’re Russian. If there is a bayonet and sword charge, they’re Japanese. If everything is quiet for a minute or two, and suddenly you are in the middle of a massive artillery barrage and air strikes, they are American.