Deja Vous Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 The Perfect Gift 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck. How to live in a world so politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "elves" - "vertically challenged" they now called themselves. And labour conditions up at the North pole Were alleged by the Union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Freed to the wilds by the humane society And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid Were replaced by four pigs, of all the things stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh: The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A And people had started to call for the cops Upon hearing sleds run across their rooftops. Second hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened; His fur-trimmed suit was dubbed "unenlightened". Then to prove the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolph was suing for unauthorised use of his nose... And had gone on TV in front of the nation Demanding six mill, overdue compensation. So half the reindeer were gone, and his wife, Who suddenly decided she's had enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause such commotion! Nothing of leather, nothing of fur Which meant nothing for him, and nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute, Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot, Nothing that clamoured and made lots of noise, Nothing for girls and nothing for boys, Nothing that claimed to be gender specific, Nothing warlike or non-pacific. No candy or sweets, they are bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden Were like Ken and Barbie, (better off hidden) For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No basketball, no football, someone could get hurt - Besides, playing sport exposed childrent to dirt.Dolls were said to be sexist and oh so passé, and Nintendo would rot their brains away. So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed; He couldn't figure out what he should do next. He tried to be merry, he tried to be gay (Though you must be so careful with that word today). His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground - Nothing acceptable to be found Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering left or right. A gift that would satisfy with no indecision Each group of people from every religion. Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere, even you. So here is that gift, its price beyond worth: "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth." Author Unknown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugs Bonney SASS # 10171 Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Peace on earth can be easily achieved. Simply get rid of all of the people. Perfect peace will reign, except for those darn carnavores so, we get rid of all of them first and then get rid of all the people. Oh wait, if we get rid of the carnivores and people the innocent plant eaters will overpopulate and die off of desiese or starvation as they denude the planet of plant life so, we get rid of all the animals first and them all the people and we have perfect piece! But we still have the problem of weather and volcanoes and earthquakes Hmmmmm.... Ok so we distroy the planet kill off all life and the earth itself and we have perfect peace. Millions of good people have been praying for world peace for centuries. Perhaps it is time to understand that God has answered their prayers. The answer is either NO or it is "I gave you free will and it is up to you to work it out". Bugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G. I. Tarpicker, SASS #998 Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Amen to that, Bugs! Merry Christmas, all! -- GIT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster Ron Wayne Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 lol good one ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadeye Doug Dalton SASS#65449L Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Berry Berry Goodly, Mary Christmas & Happy Gnu Yeer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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