Buckshot Bear

Two Kiwis are walking down a street in Sydney. One of the Kiwis happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said: "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair". The Kiwi says to his mate, " look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to New Zealand we could make a fortune! Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK? Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us, so I'll speak in my best Aussie accent." They enter the shop and the Kiwi says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my ute and..." The owner of the shop interrupts. "You're from New Zealand, aren't you?" "Well... Yes," says the surprised Kiwi. "How the hell did you pick that?" The shop owner replied, "This is a bloody dry cleaners, mate!

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories. In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket.” “Very good,” said the teacher. Next, Mary said, “We are farmers too. We had 20 eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got 10 chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they’re hatched.” “Very good,” said the teacher again, pleased with the responses so far. Next it was Dave’s turn to tell his story: “My dad told me this story about my Aunt Judy … Aunt Judy was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete.” “Go on,” said the teacher, intrigued. “Aunt Judy drank the whiskey on the way down to prepare herself. Then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed 20 more with the machete ’til the blade broke. And then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands.” “Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher. “What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?” “Stay away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking…”

I've had both, now only my SS one which I much rather prefer. Comes out of the dishwasher sparkling.

Do you eat turkey for lunch or dinner for Christmas in the US? Turkey, ham and plum pudding is what we have, but I'm not sure I'd be fitting any in with some of these brekkies listed

Says on my card "Affiliated with SASS" ?

Congratulations! to the both of you

Not a cigar smoker, but do some dip their cigars in booze?

Did some practice yesterday arvo, wow.....what a difference those whisper springs and some other tuning does.

A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has the biggest feet she’s ever seen. The woman asks the cowboy if what they say about men with big feet is true. The cowboy replies, “Sure is, why don’t you come back to my place and let me prove it?” The woman is curious, so she spends the night with him. When she sees him the next day, she hands the cowboy a $100 bill. “I’m flattered,” he says, blushing. “Nobody has ever paid me for my prowess before.” “Well, don’t be,” the woman replies. “Take this money and go buy yourself some boots that fit!”

The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together, more than 50 years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.” “Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.” “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?” he asks. “Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!” A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, “I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.” So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about 10 minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?” Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply. “Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”

Pretty much a staple Christmas morning breakfast for my family.

Fruit mince pies and call it done

Its something I've wondered about as well. Its a shame I can't put my SSAA number here under my screen name/alias so it doesn't look like I'm a freeloader.

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. O.K., thank you," said the American. He then travelled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to AUSTRALIA to see if Australians had the same phone. He arrived in Australia, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "20 cents per call." The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. Father, I've travelled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Australia now, mate - it's a local call".

This is my boat just 20 feet in front of my house, someone stole the outboard a couple a years ago at night. Dogs didn't even bark. Still irritates the hell outta' me ..... damn I would have liked to have gone out and caught them.

Is this theft just normal low life scumbaggery or most likely money for drugs?

LOL Like buying 'RSPCA' approved chicken......... 'No Chicken was harmed in getting these chicken breast schnitzels into this packaging for you to eat'.

Thanks Tex, appreciate you checking yours.

In the beginning.............. In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies. He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the second Day. On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide tobacco, malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day. On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day. On the Fifth day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Sixth Day. On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day. On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good. well almost good. God saw that the blokes were tired and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, bear children, wash, cook and clean the barbie. God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that, it was bloody great! IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!

LOL, just as mesmerizing watching that

See through?

I'm enjoying thoroughly 1883 up to date now.

Ok, I must be coming across as wearing a blouse and skirt? I did wear a kilt in army cadets at the private prestigious military type boarding school I attended in Sydney. Just asking the brains trust if all's good. I've put some new parts in and its very slick. I can lever the action now (cocking the hammer) easily using my little finger. I need to eventually work on another maybe 4-5 Uberti rifles and I haven't even begun on the vaqueros (which are going to be very numerous) one shotgun is now as slick as anything though). Its new to me, I haven't been doing this for 5-10-15-20 years like a lot of others with these CAS firearms, but I'm 'in' now boots an all. There also ain't an expert CAS gunsmith in every neighbourhood which is what it seems sometimes to an Aussie reading the wire. There's not also some CAS expert(s) in the club I can go to and crack a beer and shoot the sh#t over a workbench working on these firearms and be taught and shown in person. I'm the one that's kicked off CAS in the club and running it and its taken off like a brush fire in a ten year drought. I don't have an ego that prevents me from asking for help or asking 1001 questions .....and I really appreciate the help and advice that I've gotten (both in public and via PM) that I have gotten from so many pards here that I will most likely never have the chance to meet in person or ever be able to pay them back for the time that they've given me. I know this is probably boring and old hat to a lot and has been asked and done to death. Where I live is akin to livin' in the desert in regards to CAS and I'm just asking for the odd drink (or long swig) of water

Its on Prime Video here in Oz Really like it.

I go really out of my way even to take spiders out of the house into the garden (not all white tailed spiders get squished they can give you flesh eating necrosis). Rats and mice, we've a bit of a problem with them and I set traps constantly. I dunno' something changed for me. I think back to when my Dad (served in New Guinea and saw heavy action against the Japanese) took me rabbit hunting. I used to hear stories how Mum & Dad used to go rabbiting all the time and fill orders for people who wanted a rabbit (saw some in a butchers window last week and they are $25!!!!) I used to beg Dad to take me and we'd walk for hours. Dad never shot a rabbit all those countless times we went. I wonder now if something had changed for him as well. Mum and Dad taught me (and my three older brothers) how to fish, he was one of the keenest fisherman I knew and he fished right up to the end even as sick as he got in the last years. Wow.....Dad's been gone for 40 years and just writing this and thinking of him is making me cry like a newborn. The greatest man I ever knew.