Two fer Tuesday

[Spanish Bit Bobb]

A travelling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his sales pitch when his curiosity got the best of him. “Excuse me sir, but why does your pig only have one leg?” asked the salesman. “Well sonny, I’ll tell ya. One day I was out plowing the back 40 when my tractor overturned, pinning me underneath. I was losing blood and thought I would die when that pig came running. He dug and rooted around with his nose till he got me out and he dragged me back to the house. Saved my life that pig did.” “Wow, that’s really amazing,” said the salesman, “but I still don’t know why the pig only has one leg.” “Well I’ll tell ya,” said the farmer. “One night me and the wife were asleep at about 3am when a fire broke out in the kitchen. Well that pig broke down the door, came into our bedroom waking us up and getting us out before the fire could get us, saved our lives that pig did!” “Well that’s really great but why does the pig only have one leg?” “Well sonny, when you get a pig that smart, you don’t want to eat him all at once.

 

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic." The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that." "There is more to tell, Father.. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays." The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question." "And what is that?" asked the priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?"

[Presidio]

I've got to learn to take a deep breath before reading Bob's post.

 

At least swallow the swittle swishing about in the mouth would be a big help...............

[Yellowhouse Sam # 25171]

That pig story comes from either Baxter Black, Wallace McCrae, or another cowboy poet I diseremeber. Can't vouch for the other but both are funny.

 

Here's my favorite McCrae story that I often send to friends on their birthday or other occasion (just insert their name):

 

Reincarnation, by Wallace McRae

 

What is reincarnation? A cowboy asked his friend.

It starts, his old pal told him, when your life comes to an end.

They wash your neck and comb your hair and clean your fingernails,

And put you in a padded box away from life’s travails.

 

The box and you goes in a hole that’s been dug in the ground.

Reincarnation starts in when you’re planted neath that mound.

Them clods melt down, just like the box, and you who is inside.

And that’s when you begin your transformation ride.

 

And in a while the grass will grow upon your rendered mound,

Until some day, upon that spot, a lonely flower is found.

And then a horse may wander by and graze upon that flower

That once was you, and now has become your vegetated bower.

 

Now, the flower that the horse done eat, along with his other feed,

Makes bone and fat and muscle essential to the steed.

But there’s a part that he can’t use and so it passes through.

And there it lies upon the ground, this thing that once was you.

 

And if perchance, I should pass by and see this on the ground,

I’ll stop awhile and ponder at this object that I’ve found.

I’ll think about Reincarnation and life and death and such,

And come away concludin’, why, you ain’t changed all that much.