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Everything posted by Buckshot Bear
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Two cattle drovers were standing in an Outback bar. One asked the other, "What are ya up to, mate?" "Ahh, I'm gunna be takin' a mob of 6000 cattle from Goondiwindi to Gympie." "Oh yeah .... and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus ... after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought"
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An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction sitenoticed the coarse language of the workersand decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch,sit with the workersand talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bagandwalked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said:"and do you men know Jesus Christ?" They shook their heads and looked at each other very confused. One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers yelled down'why'? The worker yelled back, "Cos his sheila's here with his lunch"
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Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'.His dude replies 'You're so lucky... Mine is still alive...'
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I’ve finally taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine. He’s a Bordeaux Collie. And yes, he paws it himself.
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A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going.“I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol abuse on the human body.”The policeman asks, “Really? And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?”“My wife”, he replied.
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Why do women always watch porn movies until the end ?Because they think at the end everyone's going to get married...
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One afternoon a man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller's tent.Thinking it would be good for a laugh, the man went inside and sat down."Ah..." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children.""That's what you think," said the man scornfully."I'm the father of three children."The mysterious psychic grinned and said, "That's what you think!"
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All Aussie kids (and big kids) love making them
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How do you ask an Aussie waiter for the bill? 'Checkmate!'
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An Australian on safari... An Aussie is tramping through a jungle with his hunting gear. He comes into a clearing and finds a stunningly beautiful naked women sprawled out across a bed of leaves. "My god," he says. "Are you game?" She smiles invitingly, "Yes I am." So he shoots her.
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If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Australians wear thongs?
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Well.....it is a hot place! "Mexicans, New Zealanders and Romanians ranked lowest in terms of how frequently they got drunk, according to the report". Well not to sure about that.....I've known a lot of New Zealanders and they were all pissheads!
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Boob Denude
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They gladden the heart don't they!
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Love this photo!
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Ever wondered about: Guts or Balls... There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your missus with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'' BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your missus on the ass and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.'' I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in severe injury.
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Australia is pretty big.....but driving around through the unpopulated parts it feels a LOT bigger because there's only 25 million of us compared to the 300 or so million that you guys have in roughly give or take the same area.
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An elderly Australian woman is visiting her son in the US for his birthday. She arrives at LAX early in the morning and arranges to drive to his house, in New Orleans, in order to “take in the scenery” and see what the American South has to offer. She drives at a leisurely pace, and stops at scenic viewpoints whenever possible, knowing she has some time to get to her son. She stops to rest when she is tired, eats when she is hungry, and otherwise enjoys her time. On the second day, she realizes it’s about time to hurry things up if she wants to make it to her son’s before his birthday. She begins to ramp up the speed, just a few miles at a time. Soon, she’s flying down the highway, eager to get to New Orleans before sundown. Suddenly, a police officer pulls her over. “Ma’am,” he says, “Do you know why I stopped you?” “Yes,” the Aussie responds, “I may have been going a tad too fast in this car. I’m not used to the rules of the road around here and the speed got away from me. You see, I’m from another country and I’m trying to visit my son. ” “Well, ma’am, you were clocking above 95 MPH! Did you come here to DIE??” “No,” she says. “I came here yester-die.”
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ROFLMAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Nope