Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485

Lazy?

I CAN'T DRIVE 55!

Alpo?

Funny part to me, I knew a guy named Bob decided to try turkey hunting. Bought a 10ga single shot, sat in front of a tree, because that's how he planed on hunting, to pattern it, gun moved tree didn't, shoulder dislocated.

I just wish they'd use a standard size. My F150 is something like 20mm, whatever it is it was hard to find. people just use next size bigger.

Australia?

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?" He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...." "Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door." He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway." He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign: GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 pounds What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes

life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Colorado rancher. "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" So then the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the Front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and When she sees the nail, She tells him, "This is the one...right here." Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another Ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?" That's simple. By the nail over its stall." Amy explains very confidently. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?" She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. Bag of coffee, And 1 lb. Package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

Just a hot day and he wants some of that ice cream.

Or when the timer beeps.

What would you beat them with?

You ever see those radial engines that use a shotgun shell to start? This is the same idea, when you jump on the kicker you pull the trigger, starts right up.

Maybe just wanted to know how to get it out of second gear.

lifetime guarantee, they should fix that