Mysteries of Women Revealed!

[Loophole LaRue, SASS #51438]

Does it seem lately that you are in constant conflict with the women in your lives? Want to learn how to effectively communicate and reduce misunderstandings (or combat)? Follow this simple, invaluable guide:

 

THE SECRET MEANINGS OF NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

 

(1) "FINE!": This is the word women use to end an argument when they are

right and you need to shut up.

 

(2) "Five Minutes": If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.

"Five minutes" is actually only "five minutes" if you have just been given five more

minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

(3) "Nothing": This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and

you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end

in "fine".

 

(4) "Go Ahead": This is a dare, not actual permission. Don't Do It!

 

(5) (A Loud Sigh): This is not actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement

often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and

wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you

about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of "nothing".)

 

(6) "That's Okay": Danger! Danger! This is one of the most ominous statements a women

can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before

deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

(7) "Thanks" : If a woman is thanking you, do not question it, or faint. Just say

"You're welcome". (I need to add a caveat here - This is true, unless

she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at

all. DO NOT say "you're welcome". That will bring on a "whatever" - see below).

 

(8) "Whatever" : Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

 

(9) "Don't worry about it, I got it": Another dangerous statement, meaning

this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is she

now doing it herself (probably because you delayed more than five minutes). This will later result in a foolish man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, refer to # 3, above.

 

Study these rules carefully; they may save your life.

 

 

LL