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Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770

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Posts posted by Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770

    It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    11 minutes ago, Alpo said:

    On the one hand I agree with that last line. I'm not Irish. I don't celebrate St Paddy's Day. I also don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo because I'm not Mexican.

     

    On the other hand, St Paddy's Day is a religious holiday, not an Irish holiday. So get over yourself.

     

    And on the third hand, "you're not Irish so you can't relate to the problems of the Irish" is right up there with "it's a black thing - you wouldn't understand". So take your racist "I'm better than you because I am this ethnicity" bull and shove it.

    Eloquently said. 

    • Thanks 2

    Ba-Dump Tissssh - Memes

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    1 hour ago, Eyesa Horg said:

    Can ya imagine your daughter bringing "that" home?:unsure:

    Time to review the Rules for Dating My Daughter. 

    I showed this to my daughter when she was at that age, and told her that ANY boy she brought home would be required to read, sign, and date this. 

    Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four:
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

    ********
     

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    It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    45 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

    FB_IMG_1709926042837.thumb.jpg.b4d03101116c7c0d671a69e322d3002e.jpg

    Not if it were ME. Any time I had a conference with a foreign leader, It would take place at a range of some sort. There would be a quiet subtext of, "I could have killed you at any time, but I didn't. Can we be friends now?" B)

    Which is just one of the MANY reasons why I would never be elected to office.:P

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    Ba-Dump Tissssh - Memes

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted · Edited by Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770

    1 hour ago, Alpo said:

    I did not say it says California. I said that if it definitely said California - like California plates on the car or maybe something easily legible on the pump that said California - that it would be a more compelling picture.

     

    13 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

     

    Um....

    "if we knew for a fact that it was taken in California." 

     

    Your wording implies a claim that it was taken in California. 

    What difference does it make WHERE it was taken? The point is that gas costs a LOT more now than it did 3 years ago!

    Here's a chart of gas prices in Tucson from 2020 until now. There's a CLEAR trend. 

    G

    • Like 2

    Ba-Dump Tissssh - Memes

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    43 minutes ago, Abilene Slim SASS 81783 said:

    I did the same, but didn’t consult Snopes. There is no story to be found about this supposed person. I’m amazed people fall for this s**t. 

    I don't think that it's necessarily that we, (I) believe the story, it's just that I have such little faith in people today that I think that somebody might be stupid enough to try it.

    • Like 1
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    It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted · Edited by Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770

    33 minutes ago, Alpo said:

    humor smudge I promise.jpg

    We used to say that the difference between a fairy tale and a Marine's Sea stories was that the fairy tale starts with, "Once upon a time.." and a Marine's Sea story starts with, "Now this is no $hit.."

    • Like 1
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    It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    16 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

    She had also quipped at the grocery store, when the checker asked if I wanted a bag, "He doesn't need one, I'm right here "

    At the store, when I buy milk or iced tea, and they ask if I want it in a bag, I tell them "No, just leave it in the jug."

    • Like 2
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