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Subdeacon Joe

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Posts posted by Subdeacon Joe

  1. LANGUAGE WARNING! If you go to that link be prepared for much vulgar language.




    "Even these crimson hands thou sever'st from my valiant arms
    shall yield a thousand fold – for when the earth hath drunk my blood,
    an iron harvest she shall yield, of hostile hands to enslave and bind thine own."

    One of the cool things about running this site is that every once in a while I get the opportunity to write about a guy who may not have had any real significant impact on the course of history, but who, generally speaking, is completely f***** out-of-his-mind psychotic.  Sure, these hardcore war-factories may not have always been successful in their endeavors – they may not have rescued their people from imminent destruction at the hands of a foreign invader, fought off an overwhelming force by tearing a few thousand guys limb from limb with their teeth, or personally wrested a blood-stained crown from the severed head of a mighty emperor.  Hell, these pinnacles of awesomeness may not even have won the battles they were fighting – but damn it, these red-meat-crazy murderous nutjobs pulled out all the stops, went completely balls-to-the-wall, and did some ridiculous b*******t in the name of being insanely badass.  They're the stories that typically don't make the history books, yet people would still do well to remember them… if for no other reason than simply because they're totally ********* awesome.

    Galvarino is one of those men.

    There's no other logical explanation for how a real-life historical figure could inspire a piece of artwork that looks like this:


    Galvarino's story start back in the mid-1500s, when the good people of Spain were full-swing in the lucrative business of making North, Central, and South America its *******.  Plenty of ink has been devoted over the years to the Spanish colonization of the New World, but the undisputed fact is that the Spaniards rolled across the Atlantic in their ships, subjugated the balls off of everything they could find, mined a few billion donkey-loads of gold, and conquered a swath of land roughly ten times the size of their own country with nothing more than a hell of a lot of determination, a few firearms, and a healthy resistance to a wide array of crazy European microbial diseases.  These guys weren't screwing around – even the mightiest native Empires crumbled before the might of the Spanish Empire (and empire which, by the way, was so mega-extreme that it's motto was, "PLUS ULTRA!"), and anyone who screwed with them quickly found themselves getting summarily disemboweled at sword point without much in the way of subtlety.  The Spanish were like The Borg of the 16th century world: Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.

    After chainsawing their way through the Aztec and Inca Empires, the Spanish eventually turned their attention towards the subjugation of the Mapuche Indian tribes residing in the southern part of present-day Chile.  The Mapuche, much like their less-fortunate predecessors, weren't particularly interested in getting their butts conquered by a bunch of foreigners, and they put up a tenacious defense against the European invaders that would have made Captain Picard proud.  Under the command of a badass dude named Lautaro (a man I plan on writing about here in the future), the Indian warriors utilized cutting-edge guerilla tactics and intense face-stabbing acumen to fight off the overwhelmingly superior firepower of the Spanish forces, and seriously pissed of the Spanish commanders so hard the European generals decided to take some unique and borderline-sadistic steps towards crushing the spirits of these obstinate rebels.

    To that end, after one particularly brutal battle near the province of Lagunilla, the Spanish found themselves in possession of quite a few prisoners of war.  One of these dudes was a particularly tough Mapuche tribal war leader named Galvarino.  Deciding that drastic measures needed to be taken to further embitchinate the populace, the Spanish governor decreed that Galvarino was to have his right hand chopped off with an axe as punishment for raising arms (nyuk nyuk) against the Spanish.

    It was… unpleasant.

    It was… unpleasant.

    Apparently these guys didn't realize who they were dealing with.  Galvarino wasn't just some chump who was going to run off crying just because some giant gorilla hacked his limbs off with a ****** axe – he was a seriously hardcore guy.  Without uttering a word of protest, the super-pissed Mapuche prisoner knelt before the chopping block and placed his sword arm on the slab.  One slice of the axe popped it off like a crappy Halloween prop.  Galvarino didn't flinch.  The emotionless automaton of a badass just had his bleeping arm removed with a hatchet, yet he was sitting there motionless, not saying a word, his expression solidly locked into "uber-ripshit pissed" mode.  Jesus, even Darth Vader held his arm in pain after getting it prematurely detached in battle.

    That's not even the beginning.  Seconds after losing his hand, Galvarino quietly removed the bloody stump-nub from the chopping block, and unhesitatingly placed his other hand out to be removed.  The Spanish executioner sliced through that one as well, because what the hell else was he supposed to do.  Once again Galvarino failed to register emotion.  Finally, the Mapuche chief put his head on the block, ready to die.

    But the Spanish weren't going to let Galvarino off the hook so easily.  Instead, they released him to return to his people without any hands, ordering him to show the Mapuche what was going to happen to them if they didn't give up their silly independence and start paying exorbitant amounts of gold to the Spanish Crown.

    Their biggest mistake was letting him live.

    Ah, good times.

    Ah, good times.

    The Spanish tried to make an example of Galvarino, but all he did was show his people an example of what it means to be totally ******* over-the-top badass.  As soon as he got back to his village, Galvarino showed everyone his stumps, screamed a bunch of angry profanity, and demanded a full-scale revolution against the Spanish for pulling such a **** move on him.  Everybody saw this bs-ettery and got understandably upset about the whole thing, deciding right then and there that they were going to strengthen their resolve and deliver an unrelenting barrage of ball-kicks to any European crotches they could get their feet on.  Galvarino was immediately elected to be his tribe's war leader, and to command his people in the inevitable death-feud against the Spanish.  Not wanting to be hampered by a little thing like "not having any hands", this guy did one of the most balls-out ridiculous things I've ever heard of – he tied blades to his stumps and went into battle with swords for hands.


    Are you kidding me?  No matter how tough, or how great a warrior you are, not being able to physically hold a weapon is kind of a career-ending injury in the military combat department.  Yet on November 30, 1557, when 1,500 Spaniards were ambushed by 3,000 Mapuche warriors outside Millarapue, the native forces were being led into battle by a dude with goddamned steak knives duct-taped to his wrists and a bloodthirsty sneer on his face.  I think we can all appreciate the fact that this is some seriously next-level badass stuff.

    In the interest of academic integrity, I should probably take a second here to mention that the only source I was able to find to corroborate the sword-hands claim was a Spanish-language text that was translated for Galvarino's Wikipedia page, and, generally speaking, I am loathe to use Wikipedia as a primary source for anything that doesn't involve ludicrously-in-depth descriptions of video game-related minutiae.  I'm somewhat hampered, however, by the fact that I don't read Spanish, and there's not a whole lot of info about this guy printed in English.  (If any readers out there can corroborate this with a legit source, I would be grateful to see it).  However, having said that, I ******* love this story so much that I'm compelled by every fiber of my being to believe that this blade-armed madman was out there rushing through the battlefield in 1557 slicing off fools' like a hardcore Baraka fatality, tearing the Spanish new face-holes with nothing more than his endless rage and his Wolverine-style hand blades.

    • Like 1
  2. 23 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

    Man, Joe, you sure do make the simple things complicated...but that sounds really good. :D


    It sounds more complicated than it is. 

    Chop and cook the bacon and hot dogs, add onion and garlic,  add the canned pork & beans,  add seasoning and condiments,  adjust seasonings to taste. 


    But I've had to walk people who don't cook through making it several times,  so the overly detailed instructions are second nature. 



    • Like 1
  3. (HEY!  What happened to the options for font and font size?)

    Hot Dogs & Beans

    1 #10 Can Van Camp's Pork & Beans

    1 lb. bacon, chopped

    2 packages of hot dogs, cut into 1/4 inch rounds (or cut the hot dogs in half lenghtwise then chop into the 1/4 inch slices)
    1 large onion, chopped.

    A few teaspoons or tablespoons of minced garlic, to your taste.

    About 1 TBS of Italian Seasoning

    Ground black pepper to taste

    Catsup to taste

    Yellow mustard to taste

    Cider Vinegar to taste

    Brown Sugar to taste
    A few dashes of Tabasco

    Chop the bacon and, in a large pot over medium heat start browning it.   Once it starts to take some color, add the chopped hot dogs.  When the bacon is almost crisp and the hot dogs are nicely browned, add the chopped onion. No need to drain the grease unless there is a huge pool of it.

    When the onion is almost translucent, add the garlic.  

    Once the garlic starts to be fragrant, maybe about 2 minutes, add the can of beans.  Stir well.  Add the Italian Seasoning.  When everything is hot, but not quite simmering, add the catsup (maybe a half cup to start), mustard (maybe a quarter cup), brown sugar (quarter cup), and vinegar (maybe an eighth of a cup to start), and a few drops of Tabasco. 

    Bring to a simmer, stirring frequently and scraping the bottom to make sure it doesn't scorch, reduce heat, cover, and let it cook for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally to keep it from scorching.

    Adjust your seasonings, let it mellow some more.  

    This is GREAT cold the next day.


  4. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/prince-philip-husband-britain-s-queen-elizabeth-ii-dies-99-n1258159


    A statement posted on the royal family's website Friday morning said: "It is with deep sorrow that Her Majesty The Queen announces the death of her beloved husband, His Royal Highness The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh.


    "His Royal Highness passed away peacefully this morning at Windsor Castle. Further announcements will made in due course. The Royal Family join with people around the world in mourning his loss."



    Image: Prince Philip

    • Sad 7
  5. I sent a message through one of the Santa Rosa Fire Department FB pages and got:


    "Hey! Thanks for the message, do you remember what engine it was? Normally the “deck gun” up top is secured and isn’t able to swing free, but they can come loose. Thanks for the message. Equipment checks occur daily and it would have been caught this morning. Have a good evening."

    • Like 3
  6. Macario García..Hero of Bravo Company

    Private Macario García, an immigrant of Mexico and resident of Sugar Land Texas, landed at Normandy on D-Day with Bravo Company, 1st Battalion, 22nd Infantry Regiment, 4th Infantry Division. He was wounded during the beach landing and spent four months in recovery. He later rejoined his unit in Germany, where his actions would earn him the nation's most prestigious military honor.

    On Nov. 27, 1944, Bravo Company came under fire near Grosshau, Germany. Serving as an acting squad leader, García was badly wounded in the shoulder and foot. He refused evacuation and pushed on alone toward two enemy machine gun nests. With some grenades and his rifle, he wiped out the nests, stopping six enemy soldiers and taking four more captive. He continued fighting with his Soldiers and was removed for medical care only after the company successfully seized its objective. 

    Private García's Medal of Honor Citation reads as follows: 

    Staff Sergeant Macario García, Company B, 22nd Infantry, in action involving actual conflict with the enemy in the vicinity of Grosshau, Germany, 27 November 1944. While an acting squad leader, he single-handedly assaulted two enemy machine gun emplacements. Attacking prepared positions on a wooded hill, which could be approached only through meager cover. His company was pinned down by intense machine-gun fire and subjected to a concentrated artillery and mortar barrage. Although painfully wounded, he refused to be evacuated and on his own initiative crawled forward alone until he reached a position near an enemy emplacement. Hurling grenades, he boldly assaulted the position, destroyed the gun, and with his rifle stopped three of the enemy who attempted to escape. When he rejoined his company, a second machine-gun opened fire and again the intrepid soldier went forward, utterly disregarding his own safety. He stormed the position and destroyed the gun, mortally wounded three more Germans, and captured four prisoners. He fought on with his unit until the objective was taken and only then did he permit himself to be removed for medical care.

    García returned home as a Staff Sergeant in February 1945 and received the Medal of Honor from President Harry S. Truman later that year. He also received the Purple Heart, Bronze Star Medal and Combat Infantryman's Badge.

    After the war García gained his US citizenship in 1947 and his high school diploma in 1951. In the later years of his life, Garcia worked as a counselor at the Veteran's Administration offices in Houston for 25 years.

    At the age of 52, Macario García died on December 24, 1972, after he was injured in an automobile accident. Staff Sergeant García was buried with full military honors at Houston National Cemetery. In the early 1980s, the city of Houston renamed a street and the local Army Reserve center in his honor. Lest We Forget.

    #ww2uncovered #greatestgeneration #WorldWarII  #ww2 #ww2history #worldwar2 #WWII #usarmy #ww2veteran #Respect  #worldwar2history #Salute #usarmyvet  #SaluteAndRespect #salutetoservice #eto  #Hero #HeroesInUniform #neverforget #neverforgotten #WWIIveteran #Texas  #medalofhonor #purpleheart #bronzestar #usarmyveteran #usarmysoldier #honor 

    Original text cited from army.mil (Marine Corps St/Sgt. Jen S. Martinez author September 6, 2018) and www.tshaonline.org




    • Like 2
  7. Yesterday in the way home from w**k I was following some sort of fire engine.   I was looking at how things were stowed aboard it and noticed some movement on the top.


    After following it through several stoplights I realized that it was a water cannon and it was free to pivot.   


    I would think that something like that would be dogged down so it couldn't swing freely like that. 


    Can anyone tell me what standard practice is?

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