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Posted

Did you hear about the guy who invented the "knock-knock" joke?

He won the "no-bell" prize.

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Posted

I'm afraid for the calendar.

Its days are numbered.

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Posted

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

So-fish-ticated!

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Posted

The cashier at the grocery store asked me if I would like my milk in a bag

I replied "No thanks leave it in the carton".

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Posted

I tried to organize a hide-and-seek tournament…

 

…but it was a complete failure.
Good players are really hard to find.

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Posted

image.png

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Posted

What do they call an Alligator wearing a vest?

 

An in-vest-igator

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Posted (edited)

Why did the Blonde write on her forhead with lipstick?

She was trying to make up her mind.

 

What do they call a boomerang that doesnt return?

A stick.

 

How did hitler tie his shoes?

With little knotsies.

 

Edited by T.K.
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Posted

What did the buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off at school?

 

BI SON 

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Posted

I saw a woman taking a goose from the park

 

I couldn't help myself. I had to take a gander!

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Posted

What is the difference between a dad joke and an athletic rabbit?

 

One is a bit funny, while the other is a fit bunny.

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Posted

The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank…

 

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

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Posted

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you…

 

You have my Word…

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Posted

I was going to try an all almond diet but that’s just nuts!

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Posted

I’m such a good navigator a self driving car asked me for directions l

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Posted

My dog got into my Scrabble game and ate all the tiles, I had to take him to the Vet................

NO WORD YET.

 

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

 

What do they call a bear with no teeth? 

A gummy bear.

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Posted

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time

 

are they guilty of resisting a rest?

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Posted

Can a breezeway still be a breezeway if there’s no breeze?

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Posted
1 hour ago, T.K. said:

My dog got into my Scrabble game and ate all the tiles, I had to take him to the Vet................

NO WORD YET.

 

 

His next trip outside could spell disaster

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Posted (edited)

My son told my wife if she give him five dollars he would be good.  Wife said why doesn’t he be good for nothing.like his father?

 

My wife gets down on her hands and knees when she talks to me!  Her favorite phrase is, “Why don’t get out from underneath that bed you coward!!!!

Edited by Matthew Duncan
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Posted (edited)

What is Purple and has conquered the world?

Alexander the Grape!

 

How can you tell if an Elephant has been in your refrigerator?

You will see his footprints in the Cheesecake!

 

😁CJ

Edited by Cactus Jack Calder
Missing word
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Posted

If women with big breasts work at Hooters.. where do women with one leg work?

 

I Hop

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Posted

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way!

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Posted

My wife begged, “PLEASE stop introducing our kid as your godson.”

 

I’m like, “Sure…as soon as he stops doing unhinged crazy stuff that has me screaming, ‘MY GOD, SON!’”

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Posted

I saw. Book that said “ Fix 50% of your problems “. I bought two!

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Posted

Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course they can, houses can’t jump

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Posted

Why are French Submarines, the only submarines in the world that have 8 foot high ceilings in them?

 

 

So that when they surrender, they can raise their hands.

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