Drunk raccoon

[Rye Miles #13621]

You can’t make this stuff up!

 

 

[Eyesa Horg]

Been in our news regularly for a few days now!!

[Linn Keller, SASS 27332, BOLD 103]

I understand the liquor store has made advertising hay off this bottle-breaking misfortune.

Can't help but wonder if Rackety Coons get hung over.

At least it passed out in the latrine.

I wonder if it was a college man, I've known college students to pass out in the bathroom before!

[Rye Miles #13621]

Raccoons have opposable thumbs I assume, otherwise how did he open the bottles? Maybe he broke them ? 
Well Chatgbt says this:

 

Not true opposable thumbs like humans — but almost.

 

Raccoons do not have opposable thumbs, but their front paws are incredibly dexterous. Each paw has five long, flexible digits that can move independently, allowing them to:

 

• open latches and jars
• untie knots
• manipulate objects with surprising precision
• “feel” textures extremely well (their sense of touch is unusually advanced)

 

 

So while they can’t pinch with a true thumb, their paws function a lot like tiny, very clever hands — which is why they can break into things so easily.

Edited December 7, 2025 by Rye Miles #13621

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

Saw a drunk black bear in Wyoming one time.  She had been eating some berries that had fermented on the vine.  A Forest Ranger had been called and was there when we arrived.  He was there just to keep the people away.  Before we left, a Highway Patrol car came to help keep the idiots from hassling the bear and getting their stupid butts killed.

 

We found out later that we had missed a truck that came to take the bear away and move her someplace safer.  I would have liked to watch that.

 

I have been told that this sort of thing happens a lot...bears, deer, even elk...but I never knew anyone who actually saw it.

[DeaconKC]

[Cypress Sun]

 

Can't stand the little b******s myself. 

 

Been me, .22 short and a trash bag would have solved the hangover problem.

[Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485]

Raccoons would get into my fathers sugar shack , get your mind out of the gutter, that's where you make maple syrup . They would push bottles of syrup off the  racks then lick the syrup up. By the time we found it there was broken glass glued to the floor.

[John Kloehr]

38 minutes ago, Cypress Sun said:

 

Can't stand the little b******s myself. 

 

Been me, .22 short and a trash bag would have solved the hangover problem.

Would that be putting him out of your misery?

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

SHOOT the trash panda 

 

            

[Cypress Sun]

1 hour ago, John Kloehr said:

Would that be putting him out of your misery?

 

Why yes, yes it would.

[Eyesa Horg]

They can be destructive little bastiges! 

[Rye Miles #13621]

56 minutes ago, Eyesa Horg said:

They can be destructive little bastiges! 

Yes they can, my son had to hire a varmint control company to get rid of a momma raccoon trying to get in his house on the roof near the chimney. She was pregnant! 

[Michigan Slim]

Had a bear get in my cooler at the cabin one time. I had been up mowing the place and got kinda thirsty. I had taken up two beers for the occasion. Nuthin cuts a dusty thirst like a glass of ice cold beer. Went to the cooler -no beer! Lunch meat, steak, tater salad all there. No beer. Found the cans in the trees at the edge of the yard and bit up. Nice paw print on the cooler lid. Who knew?

[DeaconKC]

Some folks with a pet raccoon came in to our shop about 3 years ago. She liked me!

[watab kid]

we shoot racoons in this area - they cause lots of trouble 

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

16 hours ago, Eyesa Horg said:

They can be destructive little bastiges! 

But they're so sooooooo cute!  Or so says my otherwise sensible next door neighbor.

 

(I gotta get her married off.)

[Michigan Slim]

I started an eradication program with them at the cabin. Shoot on sight, live trap at night. 

Our turkey and partridge population was almost non-existent so I thought I might help some. Every time I go up, I set my trap behind the cabin. I cover the front with a flashlight and shotgun. We have taken dozens of coons and opossums in the last three or four years. Seems to have worked

 

 

Edited December 8, 2025 by Michigan Slim
Spelling!

[Linn Keller, SASS 27332, BOLD 103]

Me dear Pappy acquired a Rackety Coon Chile.

Named him Dan'l.

Dan'l Coon.

(I reckon me Pappy is part of the reason I have this rotten sense of humor ... Dan'l Coon ... boo, hiss ...)

Dan'l tamed down instantly if not sooner and loved surveying the world from a friendly shoulder.

Cousin Ted was in high school and had an eye for the ladies, like most lads his age.

He got a convertible because convertibles are chick magnets.

Unfortunately, multiple of his classmates had convertibles.

He needed a gimmick.

One fine day he borrowed Dan'l and of a sudden his was the most irresistible convertible in the county, at least for a short (very short) while.

He brought Dan'l back because his hoped-for prowess with the ladies, was utterly lost as the ladies gushed and cooed over a masked bandit that just loved being made over, rather than making over him!

 

[Cypress Sun]

It appears that there's more to the story of the drunk trash panda. Seems he broke into a karate studio and the DMV before he raided the liquor store. He has his own likeness on a T-shirt and earned the name "Kung Fu Trash Panda". And now the rest of the story....

 

Drunk raccoon found in liquor store suspected in karate studio break-in