Insults with Style

[Subdeacon Joe]

AI generated. 

 

"Hear me, all ye gathered!
For I would speak of this most loathsome wretch,
this rat-born spawn of villainy,
whose very presence doth sour the air as mildew on a dying wall.

Thou!
Thou misbegotten lump of curdled malice,
hatched from verminous seed and nursed upon treachery!
Thy heart is a rat’s heart—
small, scuttling, and ever seeking darkness.
Thy tongue drips lies as naturally
as the gutter drips foul water after storm.

Look upon him, friends:
a creature fashioned by Fortune’s drunken hand,
a patchwork of cowardice, falsehood, and rat-gnaw’d villainy.
He bears the face of a man, yet all within
is but the squirming corruption of a midden rat.

Would that the heavens themselves
might strike thee from the earth,
for no honest soil should suffer
such a scurvy, base-born miscreant
to set foot upon it!

Go, sirrah—
crawl back to the cracks from whence thou camest,
and trouble noble company no more,
lest I give chase and prove upon thy hide
that even a rat may learn fear!”

 

[Ozark Huckleberry]

Sounds like a cross between the grinch song and Shakespeare

 

[Blackwater 53393]

They don’t think much of this fellow!!

[Colorado Coffinmaker]

 

I believe I know of Whom the AI Speaketh 🤪 

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

3 hours ago, Colorado Coffinmaker said:

 

I believe I know of Whom the AI Speaketh 🤪 

 

 

 

                ..... me too

[Dapper Dave]

Ah, thou syphilitic anal pus bubble, thou!

[Pat Riot]

Did anyone else automatically read that with a British accent?

 

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

4 hours ago, Pat Riot said:

Did anyone else automatically read that with a British accent?

 

Yes.

[Dapper Dave]

I have one that is TECHNICALLY not "foul language ", not using any of what we would call "curse words", but the first time I used it around female students at my high school, they requested I never, ever, ever say that again.

Edited December 2, 2025 by Dapper Dave

[Subdeacon Joe]

13 hours ago, Pat Riot said:

Did anyone else automatically read that with a British accent?

 

 

Ren Faire Elizabethan  

[Subdeacon Joe]

7 hours ago, Dapper Dave said:

I have one that is TECHNICALLY not "foul language ", not using any of what we would call "curse words", but the first time I used it around female students at my high school, they requested I never, ever, ever say that again.

 

Could you send that to me  in a message,  please?  You have my curiosity up.

[Chantry]

Related

 

British Performance Evaluations

The British Military writes EPR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

[Cyrus Cassidy #45437]

Shakespeare was a noted insult writer. Some of my favorites:

"I do desire we may be better strangers." (from As You Like It)

 

“You speak an infinite deal of nothing.” (from The Merchant of Venice)

 

“Thine face is not worth sunburning.” (from Henry V)

 

 

[John Kloehr]

A couple of my favorites are:

 

When it comes to singing, this person is outstanding in the field. Or at least should be (Out. Standing. In. A. Field.).

 

Runs the full gamut of all possibilities from A to B.

[watab kid]

huh , im thinking you could use the pulpet well in some areas of society , but fear they might not listen nor hear let alone understand as all of us do what you said 

[Dapper Dave]

We do refer to certain individuals as "skin suits", ambulatory bags of skin with nothing remotely human within, but that's referring to some of the wonderful people we have on Death Row. 

Another is to remind people that they only excel at one thing - turning good food into feces. 

[Sedalia Dave]

 

You are as useful as a shoe shop in the Shire.

 

You are as useful as a dentist office in Mordor 

 

 

[watab kid]

my wife has a book on the back of the toilet in the half bath in our house - its just this insults and retorts ........matbe i need to redad it , she is excellent at this art - mr not so much , but sometimes not saying anything speaks volumes ....................and .....taking careful aim ends the conversation