Subdeacon Joe Posted September 15 Posted September 15 WEST VIRGINIA CAUTION: In regards to all the people wanting to move here from New York and California as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, and for those just wanting to come to visit: Before you come to West Virginia you must be aware and understand what exactly is happening here. Especially around the rural and all of middle West Virginia. There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers... So, if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing in our river bottoms, hill country, mountains or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers. Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos along with huge bald eagles that are known to snatch small children and animals. Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes. Appalachian panthers have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children. The local bear and coyote population are all 'in heat' and think your wife/girlfriend is hot. Snakes... don’t even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras. The poison ivy, sumac and poison oak have overtaken all other vegetation. This plants can cause extreme diarrhea and uncontrollable vomiting. We have had bear sightings at every park and town and they are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars. Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season. We have silverback gorillas invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment. Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer. Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some west African grasshoppers that spit Skoal wintergreen. Scorpions have now migrated here and have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy. I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King debuted on Netflix) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns. Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats and don’t even try and forget about the Moth man! Glowing eyes and wings like a scene out of Jeepers Creepers! Oh, and no one is vaccinated. I hear Kentucky and Ohio are really nice though. 👍🏼 1 1 8 Quote
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted September 15 Posted September 15 What... No killer rabbits in WV?????? 1 2 Quote
Pat Riot Posted September 15 Posted September 15 It’s all true…except for the Silverback Gorillas. Those were just drunk Mountaineers dressed in old bear skins. 5 Quote
Happy Jack, SASS #20451 Posted September 15 Posted September 15 I was born in Buckhannon and proudly got my 1st. degree in chemistry from WVU in Morgantown. Many years have passed but if I had to leave from my present home I would GLADLY go back home to WV. Born and raised a hillbilly and proud of it. 3 1 Quote
Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted September 15 Posted September 15 1 hour ago, Pat Riot said: It’s all true…except for the Silverback Gorillas. Those were just drunk Mountaineers dressed in old bear skins. So... Where'bouts in West "By God" Virginia are ya, Pat? 3 Quote
Pat Riot Posted September 15 Posted September 15 26 minutes ago, Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 said: So... Where'bouts in West "By God" Virginia are ya, Pat? Just across the river from Morgantown. At some point, if we decide to buy a home, we have one heckuva decision to make on where to live. Every area around here and all the way south is just great! Love it here. 1 Quote
Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted September 15 Posted September 15 10 minutes ago, Pat Riot said: Just across the river from Morgantown. At some point, if we decide to buy a home, we have one heckuva decision to make on where to live. Every area around here and all the way south is just great! Love it here. Sent ya a PM... 1 Quote
Tell Sackett SASS 18436 Posted September 15 Posted September 15 2 hours ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said: What... No killer rabbits in WV?????? No, they’re in England!! Didn’t you see Monty Python & The Holy Grail? 1 1 Quote
Blackwater 53393 Posted September 15 Posted September 15 From what I can gather, WV is a far more attractive destination than Tennessee for those from large cities! We not only have an influx of the same types of aggressive animal and insect species, we also have Chupacabra and Gila monsters that have migrated into our neighborhoods! You can’t drive anywhere that you can avoid the armadillo and they have chased the fire ants out of the southwest to now infest our parks and forests as well as the development of flesh eating cicadas!! Recently, those noisy insects have been so intense that many accidents have occurred because of them covering windshields and being smeared on the streets and highways causing loss of traction on a larger scale than an icd storm!! Trust me!! You put yourself at great risk when you move or visit here!! OH YEAH! Our rivers and lakes are infested with three to five hundred pound catfish that feast on children and small pets! 3 Quote
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted September 16 Posted September 16 1 hour ago, Tell Sackett SASS 18436 said: No, they’re in England!! Didn’t you see Monty Python & The Holy Grail? Not all of them! 3 Quote
Dr. Zook Posted September 16 Posted September 16 Been to Mountaineer Casino & Race track a few times over the years ---- just be sure to skedaddle over the bridge back into Ohio before the sun sets...ROFLMAO 😁 1 Quote
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