Sedalia Dave Posted March 6 Posted March 6 Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss calls his bluff, “Okay Dave, how about Tom Cruise?” “No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door. Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!” Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says. “The US President,” his boss quickly retorts. “Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies. Let’s fly to Washington.” And off they go. At the White House, the President spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.” Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. “The Pope!” his boss replies. “Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd, headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later, Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?” His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who is that on the balcony with Dave?'” 8 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 19 Posted March 19 If a bear is chasing you, does that mean that you are running with a bear behind? 1 1 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 31 Posted March 31 (edited) What did the horse say after it tripped? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up! Edited March 31 by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 1 3 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted March 31 Posted March 31 On 2/21/2025 at 6:50 AM, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said: you do realise that it's not August anymore, ............. or yet 🙃 ......... ya know .... it's April 1st ........ it's nearly "yet" 🙃 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 3 Posted April 3 (edited) What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A Roaming Catholic. Edited April 5 by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 1 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 6 Posted April 6 Fifteen plus fifteen are thirty, but sixteen plus sixteen are thirty too. 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 7 Posted April 7 Why did the dog cross the road? to get to the barking lot. 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 19 Posted April 19 Where do you keep dad jokes? In a dad-a-base. 2 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 22 Posted April 22 What do you call a snowman in July? a puddle. 1 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 22 Posted April 22 Where do mice get a new tail? At a re-tail store. 2 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 26 Posted April 26 Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the p is silent. 2 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 9 Posted May 9 What do you call a frog that parks his car illegally? toad 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 (edited) DAD: Is the capital of Kentucky pronounces Lewisville or Louieville? SON: Louieville DAD: FRANKFORT Edited May 10 by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 2 Quote
Alpo Posted May 10 Posted May 10 That would probably make more sense if you had said OR instead of OF. I asked a guy from Kentucky that question one time. He told me that you pronounced the capital of Kentucky FRANKFORT, but you pronounced the name of that town LOUAVUL. Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 5 minutes ago, Alpo said: That would probably make more sense if you had said OR instead of OF. Sorry ytpo. Quote
Alpo Posted May 10 Posted May 10 2 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: Sorry ytpo. Now go fix the other one. Is the capital PRONOUNCED, not PRONOUNCES. Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 15 Posted May 15 Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning! 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 24 Posted May 24 What did the buffalo say when he dropped his son off at school? Bison! Quote
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