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Sometimes the day starts out bad, but ends up pretty good


Alpo

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When I was a kid my folks had this corkscrew. And it was the best designed corkscrew I'd ever seen. So when I was in my mid twenties, and decided that I would drink wine occasionally, I went shopping for a corkscrew like that. Found one, in a specialty cooking equipment store. Cost $14 or $15 I believe. Then Daddy died, then Mama died, and I took their corkscrew and gave it to my daughter, because it's the best designed corkscrew there is. Then mine somehow grew legs and walked away.

 

For a few years I used the corkscrew on my Swiss Army knife, but I got tired of that and went shopping for another corkscrew. And like the first time, I found them at specialty cooking utensil stores. Between $40 and $50. Yowser. I don't drink that much wine. I will continue using my Swiss Army knife.

 

Yesterday I need to make a return to Amazon. To do this I take the package to Kohl's. So I head down there about 9:15. Discover that, even though the parking lot is lop slopping full, they ain't open. They don't open until 10:00.

 

Hmmm. I also needed to go to Home Depot, so I turn around and go back to Home Depot. Find what I want and go to check out. There are no cashiers. Every register in the store is self checkout. And I just stand there and look at them for a while, and someone asked if I was finding what I was looking for. I told him I was looking for a register with a cashier. He told me that that gentleman over there - and he pointed - would be glad to help me. And he was. He took me to the self-checkout register and he checked me out. Then I go back to Kohl's.

 

It is 2 minutes to 10:00. So I'm standing by the door waiting for them to open. By my watch it was 10 minutes after when they finally came and opened the door. Apparently by a lot of other people's watches also, because there was 15 or 20 people waiting on the door to open. I go over to the Amazon return desk. The lady has not yet booted up her computer, so I wait. And I wait. That computer doesn't work so she tries another one. And I wait. She calls for assistance and they bring her a third one. That one works and they take my return.

 

Now I'm thinking about brunch. Have not had breakfast yet and it's approaching I'm hungry time. So I go to the Chinese buffet. There are no hours listed on the buffet door. But I see people going in. All the people I see going in Oriental. So I go up and go in, and I go around the corner and there ain't no food on the buffet. And they finally have the hours listed, inside the restaurant. 11:00 to 2:30. It's 10:30. Damn.

 

So I go out and look up and down the strip mall, and I see a Beal's outlet store. I can probably kill a half hour there.

 

Nope. Very little interesting. I saw everything there was in there to see, and it's only 10:45.

 

When I come out of Beal's, I noticed that the store next to it is a Salvation Army thrift Shop. I go in there and start perusing. I have finally finished everything in the store, and I'm walking up beside the silverware. And there is one of those corkscrews. Marked $1.99.

 

When I go to check out, their credit card machine is down. Fortunately I actually had some green stuff in my wallet, and I was able to buy the corkscrew. And by then the restaurant was open.

 

The day started off badly, but it improved.

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13 minutes ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said:

picture of cork screw?

IMG_20230301_192304626.thumb.jpg.7e79c6309c3cf939cf6dd6c459f16f63.jpg

 

The bottom of the body fits over the mouth of the bottle, obviously. The collar the threaded shaft is going through is smooth on the inside.

 

IMG_20230301_192338061.thumb.jpg.6776659e7465cb77ee809ecb2dc9befa.jpg

 

You back the ears all the way to the top of the shaft, and it locks in place. Then as you turn the ears the screw bites down into the cork.

 

IMG_20230301_192356455.thumb.jpg.082d0d523d7048e973f9b40a0a6f0546.jpg

 

Once you feel you have driven the screw far enough into the cork, you back the ears off slightly. That unlocks them and now as you turn the ears they go down the threaded shaft. When they hit the collar they can't go down anymore, and as you continue to screw down the threaded shaft goes up, pulling the corkscrew and the cork out.

 

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8 minutes ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said:

I have the same one, I like it. My daughter that worked in fine dinning and served a lot of wine hates it.

I also have one of these, works great. Vintners Reserve 24" Bartop Wine Bottle Opener w/ Cork Screw & Table Top Stand

 

image.png.8de334d30168c511cc4125d4f1e12cdd.png

Been looking for a wall mount like that, saw one in England years ago.  Here is another very handy one, first was a prize, after 20 odd years it failed and I found another. Have the same as the OP from my Folks.  The one below is better, yours may be the best I've seen, if wall mounted.

DSC_8126.JPG

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24 minutes ago, Rip Snorter said:

Been looking for a wall mount like that, saw one in England years ago.  Here is another very handy one, first was a prize, after 20 odd years it failed and I found another. Have the same as the OP from my Folks.  The one below is better, yours may be the best I've seen, if wall mounted.

DSC_8126.JPG

If you look you'll see the opener is clamped to the stand by a built in C-clamp. you can mount it to anything.

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6 minutes ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said:

If you look you'll see the opener is clamped to the stand by a built in C-clamp. you can mount it to anything.

It would work if I put up a shelf or some kind of bracket.  Not exactly what I want, but very close.  Thanks!  The one in my photo works exactly the same but hand held.

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I have one o' them fancy-dancy "rack and pinion" type cork yanker-outers.  Christmas gift, as I recall, from Ms Eve Nenjoy of the Kings River Regulators a decade and a half ago or more.  Real slick device and fun to use!

 

However... I am just as comfortable using my Swiss Army Knife, after Sassparilla Kid showed me the secret:

 

It's always been tough to get the cork started on its way out; once you move it a tiny bit it pulls out easily.  But getting it started is always a challenge.  Or used to be!  The kid pointed out that the corkscrew attachment is actually "double-jointed."  When you open that corkscrew, it naturally stops at 90° from the knife body.  But, it actually will flex about another 40° past "center."  So... just screw the screw all the way into the cork, then "bend" the knife body until it contacts the lip of the bottle and use it like a lever to get that cork started. 

 

Works mighty slick!  ^_^                 

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3 minutes ago, Rip Snorter said:

In an emergency, you can unwind a wire clothes hanger and it works just fine as a corkscrew.

 

In a REAL emergency you can just shove the cork into the bottle.  Gonna have to drink it all, though - no shoving it back in place!  :lol:

 

(One of the things one learns in college....) ^_^

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1 minute ago, Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 said:

 

In a REAL emergency you can just shove the cork into the bottle.  Gonna have to drink it all, though - no shoving it back in place!  :lol:

 

(One of the things one learns in college....) ^_^

Yup! Been there as well, but most places you can find a wire hanger, though the wine with a pushed in cork will never breathe long enough to pick up the flavor.

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13 minutes ago, Rip Snorter said:

Yup! Been there as well, but most places you can find a wire hanger, though the wine with a pushed in cork will never breathe long enough to pick up the flavor.

 

Uh... these boys ain't worried about the wine breathing.  Actually, the bottle's life expectancy is pretty short - despite attempts at mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  :rolleyes:

 

              Frat Bros GIFs | Tenor

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I have several, even some electric ones, but these two are my favorites. The big one is antique that my wife gave me. The little waiter’s corkscrew is the quickest and most efficient. 

I still have a scar on one finger from using a cheap Swiss army copy that came apart when I was pulling. :D

 

 

E9DBE1C6-6A5B-4854-A528-208FC890E385.jpeg

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1 hour ago, Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 said:

I have one o' them fancy-dancy "rack and pinion" type cork yanker-outers.  Christmas gift, as I recall, from Ms Eve Nenjoy of the Kings River Regulators a decade and a half ago or more.  Real slick device and fun to use!

 

However... I am just as comfortable using my Swiss Army Knife, after Sassparilla Kid showed me the secret:

 

It's always been tough to get the cork started on its way out; once you move it a tiny bit it pulls out easily.  But getting it started is always a challenge.  Or used to be!  The kid pointed out that the corkscrew attachment is actually "double-jointed."  When you open that corkscrew, it naturally stops at 90° from the knife body.  But, it actually will flex about another 40° past "center."  So... just screw the screw all the way into the cork, then "bend" the knife body until it contacts the lip of the bottle and use it like a lever to get that cork started. 

 

Works mighty slick!  ^_^                 

Doesn't it make you feel proud, knowing that your child is more knowledgeable about getting into a bottle of booze then you are? :P

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I don't drink wine.  Haven't for years and never did drink it much even then.  So tell me:

 

WHY IN THE WORLD DO I SUDDENLY HAVE SUCH A RAGING URGE TO FIND ND BUY A REALLY FINE WINE CORK PULLER-OUTER SCREW?

 

I gotta stop hanging out here.  This place costs me a lot of money for "I don't need its".

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2 hours ago, Alpo said:

Doesn't it make you feel proud, knowing that your child is more knowledgeable about getting into a bottle of booze then you are? :P

 

He's a mite classier than I was at his age....  :P

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My choice; pressurize the bottle with an inert gas, and pop goes the weasel !    No disintegrated corks, no blood, no failures.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Cork-Pops-Legacy-Bottle-Opener/dp/B00092M4AI/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=nitrogen+wine+opener&qid=1677755287&sr=8-1

 

LL

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