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Chantry

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The Five Stress Levels of Holiday Shopping

Low Condition (Green) This condition is in effect when there is a low risk of idiots. An occasional idiot, but no more than normal.

Guarded Condition (Blue) This condition is in effect when there are an increased number of idiots shopping. More than normal will result in infrequent cursing.

Elevated Condition (Yellow) An Elevated Condition is declared when there is a significant risk of running into idiots when shopping. Results in a steady (but not constant) stream of curses and an occasional dirty look.

High Condition (Orange) A High Condition is declared when there is a high risk of running into not only the idiots, but their significant other and their screaming spawn. Constant cursing and frequent dirty looks will occur.

Severe Condition (Red) A Severe Condition reflects an extreme risk of running into idiots, their significant other, their screaming spawn and the rest of their damn family. Constant cursing, dirty looks and the overwhelming impulse to smack them upside their fool heads will happen. When this condition occurs, it is recommended that people stay home, drink to excess and shop online

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Just now, The Original Lumpy Gritz said:

Was that while you were still in your car? :lol:

No, that occurs often at Menards. There is something about people going there and they become retards at Menards as soon as they hit the parking lot. Horns scare them too. ;)

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6 minutes ago, Chantry said:

The Five Stress Levels of Holiday Shopping

Low Condition (Green) This condition is in effect when there is a low risk of idiots. An occasional idiot, but no more than normal.

Guarded Condition (Blue) This condition is in effect when there are an increased number of idiots shopping. More than normal will result in infrequent cursing.

Elevated Condition (Yellow) An Elevated Condition is declared when there is a significant risk of running into idiots when shopping. Results in a steady (but not constant) stream of curses and an occasional dirty look.

High Condition (Orange) A High Condition is declared when there is a high risk of running into not only the idiots, but their significant other and their screaming spawn. Constant cursing and frequent dirty looks will occur.

Severe Condition (Red) A Severe Condition reflects an extreme risk of running into idiots, their significant other, their screaming spawn and the rest of their damn family. Constant cursing, dirty looks and the overwhelming impulse to smack them upside their fool heads will happen. When this condition occurs, it is recommended that people stay home, drink to excess and shop online

There used to be a fancy Mall where I lived long ago.  Had a Wine Bar with a great Bartender and good Jazz.  I would frequently find a nice little table in a corner and turn my Wife loose to forage.  Never stressed her at all.

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Just now, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

No, that occurs often at Menards. There is something about people going there and they become retards at Menards as soon as they hit the parking lot. Horns scare them too. ;)

This because they failed at Wal-Mart :lol:

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1 hour ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

Condition White. I ordered from Amazon.

 

53 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:


^^^^ This ^^^^

 

 

Plus a few other on line stores like PSA, Brownells, and Midway USA. 

Samey-same. Though I actually did buy some sweaters and a book for my wife at a store. 
I bought myself a pistol for Christmas at a gun store. That was cool. I am just so easy to shop for…;)

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I'm in condition red in any store at any time of the year.  I spent too many years working at a Target while going to college... I used up my lifetime allotment of dealing with the ignorant (and their idiot spouses and screaming feral children) during those years.

 

In general, the unwashed masses should be avoided at all costs.

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One of my Life Goals used to be to go to Walmart on Black Friday, find a really good parking space and sit there with my back up lights on...

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3 hours ago, DeaconKC said:

One of my Life Goals used to be to go to Walmart on Black Friday, find a really good parking space and sit there with my back up lights on...

 

 ............ you, Sir, are evil .......  ;)

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4 hours ago, DeaconKC said:

One of my Life Goals used to be to go to Walmart on Black Friday, find a really good parking space and sit there with my back up lights on...

Get a half dozen traffic cones and put them in front of some primo parking spaces.

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16 hours ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

it ain't , that I dislike the day , BUT , there are a lot of bad things , that have happened , that put the season in a dark place 

 

  CB 

 

This , For reasons that I will just keep inside with the rest on my demons, Not worried about my soul sold that years ago. I go through the motions for kids and try not to ruin other Love for it ,but could care less about most Holidays and Dec- thru Mid January are not my best times. 

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The only thing that ticks me off is these stupid politically correct idjits that are trying to tell us we can’t say MERRY CHRISTMAS! You know what I say.,,..

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

 

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13 hours ago, DeaconKC said:

One of my Life Goals used to be to go to Walmart on Black Friday, find a really good parking space and sit there with my back up lights on...

That's pretty comical, I like it!

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40 minutes ago, Rye Miles #13621 said:

The only thing that ticks me off is these stupid politically correct idjits that are trying to tell us we can’t say MERRY CHRISTMAS! You know what I say.,,..

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

 

Yup! I make a point of saying Merry Christmas as well as "God Bless you" when someone sneezes, not much into Easter with the kids grown, but I'll add a Happy Easter for effect.

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40 minutes ago, Rye Miles #13621 said:

The only thing that ticks me off is these stupid politically correct idjits that are trying to tell us we can’t say MERRY CHRISTMAS! You know what I say.,,..

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

 

We've had people bitching about Christmas trees on the town green, apparently it annoys religions that don't have trees.:wacko:

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