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Ten modern-day driving tips


Sixgun Sheridan

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1. When beginning your travel itinerary, don’t immediately clip your seatbelt, check the map, program your GPS, adjust the radio, stash personal devices, or tie up your hair. You’ll have plenty of time to do that once you’re actually out on the road.

 

2. When driving on a multi-lane freeway the best lane for slow or cautious drivers is the far left lane. Drive 10mph under the speed limit (for safety) and observe all the other drivers carefully going around you. Be sure to return any kind gestures directed your way.

 

3. When backing out of a parking space don’t bother looking back. Just do it slowly and deliberately and any other objects will magically get out of your way.

 

4. Speaking of parking lots, you’ll get a better phone signal allowing you to send or receive calls and text messages while stopped directly in the middle of the entrance/exit.

 

5. Be sure to apply one of those “STUDENT DRIVER – PLEASE BE PATIENT” stickers to the back of your vehicle. It makes other drivers stay away from you thus giving you the opportunity to get to work faster.

 

6. Being stopped at a traffic light presents a great opportunity to organize your glovebox, apply makeup, and follow up on text messages sent to and from friends and associates. It is considered polite however to begin wrapping things up when other cars start trying to go around you.

 

7. Make new friends on the road. When you are about to pull onto a rural two-lane highway and can only see a single vehicle coming, wait until they’re almost upon you then pull out in front of them. Be sure to obey the law by keeping your speed at least 10mph under the limit. When your new friend sticks his arm out to wave at you be sure to wave back.

 

8. It is considered bad form to turn your turn signal on too early. Wait until you actually reach the exit, then apply the signal as you are braking and making your last-second turn. Bonus points applied for doing this from the far-left lane.

 

9. When entering an interstate freeway, be sure to slow down as your lane merges with the other traffic so that everyone can see you. More bonus points will be applied by stopping completely.

 

10. At the advanced stage of training you will learn to eat your lunch, organize things in the back seat, get things out of your back pocket and adjust your front seat all while steering with your knees. Most other drivers will humbly concede to your incredible driving skills by moving as far away from you as possible.

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Add people who drive with their dogs in their laps.

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Here in WV it seems that everyone that drives a Subaru has their head up their…tailpipe. I thought I got away from these buttheads when I left the great northwest. 

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2 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

Here in WV it seems that everyone that drives a Subaru has their head up their…tailpipe. I thought I got away from these buttheads when I left the great northwest. 

Nope, seems to be a nationwide phenomena.

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4 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

Here in WV it seems that everyone that drives a Subaru has their head up their…tailpipe. I thought I got away from these buttheads when I left the great northwest. 

 

They want you to drive close to them so that you can see all of the "Subaru Love" stickers plastered on their trunk.

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4 minutes ago, Sixgun Sheridan said:

 

They want you to drive close to them so that you can see all of the "Subaru Love" stickers plastered on their trunk.

They do love their idiot stickers, don’t they?

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I’ve seen drivers with a newspaper or book propped up on the steering wheel and some with special glasses so that they can, ostensibly, still see the road.

 

 I thought this was the absolute worst of tactics until one morning recently when I encountered a woman in a Subaru SUV driving in the express lane on I40 in downtown Nashville wearing headphones and holding a large laptop computer up on the steering wheel!!

 

What bothers me most is that I am certain that, sooner or later, I will encounter someone doing something even MORE stupid!!

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On 10/13/2022 at 3:57 PM, Blackwater 53393 said:

What bothers me most is that I am certain that, sooner or later, I will encounter someone doing something even MORE stupid!!

 

Unfortunately there are some people who seem to take it as a challenge to see who can do the most stupid thing while driving. The first time I encountered a case of "car surfing" I was absolutely shocked. A pickup came roaring around a curve going the opposite direction with some dude sitting the hood holding onto the wiper blades for dear life... at 60mph. It took me a second or two to accept that what I was seeing was actually real.

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2 minutes ago, Sixgun Sheridan said:

 

Unfortunately there are some people who seem to take it as a challenge to see who can do the most stupid thing while driving. The first time I encountered a case of "car surfing" I was absolutely shocked. A pickup came roaring around a curve going the opposite direction with some dude sitting the hood holding onto the wiper blades for dear life... at 60mph. It took me a second or two to accept that what I was seeing was actually real.


Never ask how stupid someone can be!!  Too many take it as a challenge!!

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I love the people that have a box of chicken between their stomach and the steering wheel eating a piece of chicken while driving. It’s usually KFC!!:P

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Almost like #7 but this was on a divided highway.   On the way to Kansas City today on 50 Hwy--and also on the way back--I had a truck pulling a trailer pull out in front of me.  I had another car in the left lane right beside me.  And to make it MORE idiotic, the guy pulls over into the left lane.  STUPID!   He needed to wait until both lanes were free as slow as he was able to accelerate.

 

Dr. O. R.

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