Subdeacon Joe Posted Wednesday at 05:23 PM Author Posted Wednesday at 05:23 PM 14 hours ago, Alpo said: 3 Quote
Brock Posted Wednesday at 10:02 PM Posted Wednesday at 10:02 PM A Saudi student in Berlin sends an email to his father. Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am ashamed to arrive at my college with my limited edition, custom pure-gold Ferrari F80 when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train. Your son, Nasser The next day, his dad replied: Dear Son, Twenty-five million dollars has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too. Dad 1 5 Quote
Brock Posted Thursday at 08:40 AM Posted Thursday at 08:40 AM A hacker broke into my account. He told me to save more money. 1 4 Quote
Alpo Posted Thursday at 11:51 AM Posted Thursday at 11:51 AM DOCTOR, I'M REALLY WORRIED! What seems to be the problem? I SWALLOWED AN ICE CUBE 3 DAYS AGO, AND I HAVEN'T POOPED IT OUT YET!!! 1 3 1 Quote
Brock Posted Thursday at 02:55 PM Posted Thursday at 02:55 PM I saw this and checked to see if A has it, yup and MANY other poop books. 1 2 Quote
Sedalia Dave Posted Friday at 02:49 AM Posted Friday at 02:49 AM 11 hours ago, Brock said: I saw this and checked to see if A has it, yup and MANY other poop books. Should start here so you know what you're talking about. 🤪 Quote
Texas Joker Posted Friday at 05:09 PM Posted Friday at 05:09 PM 1 hour ago, Alpo said: I'm sorry this is the Friday humor thread not meditations on reality.... 2 1 3 Quote
Brock Posted Saturday at 12:45 AM Posted Saturday at 12:45 AM A middle aged man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. "You know," he says, "your birthday is coming up. What would you like?" His wife sighs. "I'd like to be twelve again," she replied, still looking in the mirror. So on the morning of her birthday, the husband wakes up early. He makes his wife a nice big bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and then takes her to a theme park. What a day! He puts her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster — everything !! Five hours later they stagger out of the theme park. Her head is reeling and her stomach feels upside down. He then takes a diner where he orders her a half pound cheeseburger with bacon, extra fries, and an extra large milkshake. Then it’s off to the movies with popcorn, a huge Coca Cola, and her favorite candies ... M&M's, Nonpareils and Gushers. What a long night and a fabulous adventure! They finally wobble home and collapse into bed, exhausted. Her husband leans over her with a big smile. "Well, dear," he lovingly asks, "what was it like being twelve again?" The wife slowly opens her eyes. All of a sudden, her expression changes. "Twelve?? I meant my dress size, you idiot!" 4 1 Quote
Sedalia Dave Posted Saturday at 03:42 PM Posted Saturday at 03:42 PM The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant, “Do you have European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.” The assistant checks the computer and then says, “Certainly. Would you like to listen before you buy it?” The expert replies, “Of course!” The assistant hands him a pair of earphones and puts the record on a turntable near the counter, and turns it on. The expert listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?” The assistant checks the turntable. “Yes, sir,” he says. “This is the European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. Let me skip ahead to the second track.” Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, “This just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds.” The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle to the next track. As soon as the track starts playing, the expert throws off the headphones. “This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!” The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over. “What seems to be the problem, sir?” The expert turns to him, red-faced and fuming. “This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!” The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly. “I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side.” 2 2 Quote
Rye Miles #13621 Posted Saturday at 05:13 PM Posted Saturday at 05:13 PM Did the guy who coined the phrase one hit wonder ever have any other notable phrases? 1 4 Quote
Brock Posted Saturday at 10:49 PM Posted Saturday at 10:49 PM Two men are waiting for a train. The younger man turns to the older man and asks, “Excuse me, do you have the time?” The older man ignores him. A few minutes later, the younger man asks again, “Excuse me, do you know what time it is?” Again, the older man says nothing. Finally, frustrated, the younger man asks, “Why won’t you answer me when I ask you for the time?” The older man sighs and says, “Look, if I tell you the time, we’ll start talking. Then, when the train arrives, you might sit next to me. We could get to know each other, and eventually I might invite you over for dinner to meet my daughter. “Maybe you two would hit it off. You might start dating, get engaged, and eventually get married. “And why would I want a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch?” 2 4 Quote
Alpo Posted Saturday at 10:59 PM Posted Saturday at 10:59 PM That sounds greatly like a Jewish joke to me. I can hear it in my head being told with a New York Russian Jewish accent. Me personally, if I was an old man and a young man asked me those questions, I would not have responded because he did not say SIR. I mean, really. How difficult is that? "Excuse me sir, do you know what time it is?" He spoke to him three times - a man old enough to be his father apparently - and not once did he call him sir. I wouldn't talk to that rude bastage either. 1 2 Quote
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