Brock Posted June 8 Posted June 8 1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said: She’s a sophisticated puppet. 3 Quote
Texas Joker Posted June 14 Posted June 14 3 minutes ago, Brock said: You still have to buy a utility knife, superglue and a case of rum. 1 Quote
John Kloehr Posted June 14 Posted June 14 12 hours ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said: Short cut to the end: http://www.internetlastpage.com 2 Quote
Brock Posted June 14 Posted June 14 The exam proctor approached a student. "I think you're cheating", he said. "I certainly am not", said the student. "Well I think you are". "How do you think I'm cheating?" "By looking at the paper of the student next to you". "Prove it". "Okay, let's look at the evidence here. For Question 1, his answer was 'yes', yours was 'yes'. For Question 2, he put 'no' and you put 'no'. And so on, until Question 6, where he answered 'I don't know' and you put 'neither do I'". 1 3 Quote
Cactus Jack Calder Posted June 15 Posted June 15 12 hours ago, Brock said: I worked shift work for a significant portion of my career. One day in the summer I was home during the day with my sons and some of their friends. The kids were surfing the cable TV looking for something interesting when one yells out, “Hey, look at this. It’s a medical channel. They are showing surgery.” I looked in to see what they had found and it was a knee joint replacement. The Doctor had assembled the joint and was flexing the knee to check function. He was not satisfied with the fit so he used an impact hammer to remove the Tibial Baseplate, filed off a few thousands of an inch, pounded plate back into place and flexed the knee again. He stated, “Yeah, that’s good. Flush out the bone shavings and stitch it up.” It was carpentry more than medicine! And on cable TV for anyone who stumbled on the channel. Turns out the cable system was a very local operation and they had some deal with the local hospital to broadcast medical information for local Doctors to subscribe to the channel so that they could learn about various medical procedures. We were inadvertently connected to this channel. Very interesting shows. The cable system eventually found out they had messed up and cut us off. They didn’t give me the option of paying for that channel, dang. CJ 2 1 Quote
Calamity Kris Posted June 15 Posted June 15 7 hours ago, Cactus Jack Calder said: I worked shift work for a significant portion of my career. One day in the summer I was home during the day with my sons and some of their friends. The kids were surfing the cable TV looking for something interesting when one yells out, “Hey, look at this. It’s a medical channel. They are showing surgery.” I looked in to see what they had found and it was a knee joint replacement. The Doctor had assembled the joint and was flexing the knee to check function. He was not satisfied with the fit so he used an impact hammer to remove the Tibial Baseplate, filed off a few thousands of an inch, pounded plate back into place and flexed the knee again. He stated, “Yeah, that’s good. Flush out the bone shavings and stitch it up.” It was carpentry more than medicine! And on cable TV for anyone who stumbled on the channel. Turns out the cable system was a very local operation and they had some deal with the local hospital to broadcast medical information for local Doctors to subscribe to the channel so that they could learn about various medical procedures. We were inadvertently connected to this channel. Very interesting shows. The cable system eventually found out they had messed up and cut us off. They didn’t give me the option of paying for that channel, dang. CJ I am in the process of scheduling a knee replacement. I hope he doesn't use that kit. I would be afraid it was used, repackaged and returned by someone for a refund. Do you see any tape or staples on the packaging???? 1 6 Quote
Brock Posted June 15 Posted June 15 A duck walked into a bar and ordered a beer and ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," says the Duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly, sorry about that" says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "you're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call." So the next day when the Duck comes into the pub the barman says, "hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money." "I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus," says the barman. "The circus?" repeats the duck. "That's right," replies the barman. "The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?" "Yeah," the barman replies. "With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck. "Of course," the barman replies. "And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck. "That's right!" says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says . "What the heck would they want with a plasterer? 2 7 Quote
Brock Posted June 15 Posted June 15 Rene Descartes is at a party with a room full of desserts that are meant to be eaten after midnight. He goes into the room early to grab a dessert but one of the servants hands him a note. He reads the note and exclaims "I've got it!" and runs home. Another servant sees this and asks what the first servant wrote on the note. The first servant shows him the note that says "I think they're for 1 am 3 Quote
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