Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 29 Posted January 29 A cop is patrolling and making his usual check of the local Lover's Lane. He spots a car with it's interior light brightly glowing. The officer approaches the car to get a closer look. Inside the vehicle, he sees a man reading a computer magazine and a woman in the rear seat knitting. The cop walks up to the car and raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window and says, "uh, yes officer?" The cop asks, "what are you doing?" The young man replies, "I'm reading a magazine." The cop points to the back seat and asks the young man, "and what is she doing?" The young man shrugs and tells the cop, "she is knitting a sweater!" The police officer is totally confused. A young couple in a car, in a Lovers Lane and nothing is happening. The cop questions the young man by asking, "how old are you?" The occupant of the car says, "I'm 22 years old officer." The cop, pointing to the back seat asks, "and what is her age?" The young man looks at his watch. "Well officer, in eleven minutes, she will be eighteen!" 3 4 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 29 Posted January 29 A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will. “To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $8 million,” the attorney reads. “To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $3 million.” “And finally,’ the lawyer concludes, ‘to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!” 2 2 Quote
Eyesa Horg Posted January 30 Posted January 30 1 minute ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Would've also made a good handwarmer in the winter. 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 30 Posted January 30 I was just heading to the mall when my wife asked me to get a thing or two. “Sure," I said, "what do you need?" "We're all out of canned soup, and I want a cauliflower to go with the roast tonight. Oh, and can you drop into Curry's and confirm the delivery time on the new refrigerator?" "Yes, no problem. Anything else?" "Oh, and I need a reel of elastic for the mending I was going to do. The supermarket stuff is good enough. And while you're there, I need eggs for baking -- oh, peas. I want peas as well as cauliflower. All OK?" "Yes, sure." "And," she added, "you're running low on those chlorophyll tablets for your bad breath. You'd better stop by the pharmacy." "Right," I said, "so that's... Soup, a cauli, fridge, elastic, eggs, peas, halitosis." 3 3 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 30 Author Posted January 30 3 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: I was just heading to the mall when my wife asked me to get a thing or two. “Sure," I said, "what do you need?" "We're all out of canned soup, and I want a cauliflower to go with the roast tonight. Oh, and can you drop into Curry's and confirm the delivery time on the new refrigerator?" "Yes, no problem. Anything else?" "Oh, and I need a reel of elastic for the mending I was going to do. The supermarket stuff is good enough. And while you're there, I need eggs for baking -- oh, peas. I want peas as well as cauliflower. All OK?" "Yes, sure." "And," she added, "you're running low on those chlorophyll tablets for your bad breath. You'd better stop by the pharmacy." "Right," I said, "so that's... Soup, a cauli, fridge, elastic, eggs, peas, halitosis." 1 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 30 Posted January 30 6 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said: I guess you liked it. 4 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 31 Posted January 31 You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as Area 51? Well, late one afternoon, the Airmen out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Airmen started a full background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Airmen, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane, only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!” 1 3 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 31 Posted January 31 She offered her honor He honored her offer and all night long it was honor and offer. 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 1 Posted February 1 Two burglars were robbing an apartment. One said, "Somebody is coming in the door! Quick, jump out the window!" And the other guy said, "Are you out of your mind? We're on the thirteenth floor!" And the first guy said, "This is no time to be superstitious!" 3 1 Quote
Alpo Posted February 1 Posted February 1 (edited) The people that post on YouTube always cut the clips too short. Right after that they are driving down the street, and Nick is saying hello to Newsies and shoe shine boys and prizefighters out doing road work. Been THEN along comes this limousine with a woman wearing furs and a guy wearing tails in theAND A top hat and they speak to Nora, and as they drive off Nick asks, "Who was that?" "You wouldn't know them dear. They're respectable." Edited February 1 by Alpo otto 1 2 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 1 Author Posted February 1 22 minutes ago, Alpo said: The people that post on YouTube always cut the clips too short. Right after that they are driving down the street, and Nick is saying hello to Newsies and shoe shine boys and prizefighters out doing road work. Been THEN along comes this limousine with a woman wearing furs and a guy wearing tails in theAND A top hat and they speak to Nora, and as they drive off Nick asks, "Who was that?" "You wouldn't know them dear. They're respectable." The person broke up the movie into 25 parts. Go to his channel. 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 1 Posted February 1 A wealthy Arab Sheikh visiting Yorkshire, UK, was suddenly taken to hospital after becoming seriously ill and he needed an emergency blood transfusion... Unfortunately the sheikh had a very rare type of blood and the LGI didn't have any in stock. After some frantic calls, a Yorkshire farmer from up in the dales is located who has the same blood type and he agrees to make his way to Leeds to donate some blood. The Sheikh recieives the blood and begins to get better. He tells his assistant that he should send the farmer many lavish gifts as a show of his appreciation. A few days later the Yorkshireman answers the door to be greeted with a brand new tractor, £250,000 in cash, a pouch full of diamonds and a life time supply of Yorkshire tea. A couple of days later, the Sheikh begins to get ill again and so the hospital phoned up the Yorkshireman, who was more than happy to donate some more blood. After receiving the blood the Sheikh gets better and once again tells his assistant to send the Yorkshireman some gifts as a show of his appreciation but this time when the Yorkshireman opens his door all he receives is a Thank you card and a £10 voucher for Toby Carvery! The Yorkshireman was shocked that the Sheikh did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before. The Yorkshire man them phoned up the Sheikh and asked him; "What's this all abart? I thought tha would be generous again, a thought that tha would gimme some mur money and diamonds .... but thas only given me a card and a chuffin 10 quid voucher ya tight get!" The sheikh replied; "Aye lad ya reyt, but av got Yorkshire blood in me veins nar!" 1 3 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 1 Posted February 1 I was reading a story. It said they found Yogi Bera’s tombstone and the inscription was It’s over. it’s not true but was worth a chuckle Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 1 Posted February 1 Did you hear about the truck driver who stole $50,000 worth of Campbell’s Soup? I hope they put him away for mmmm…mmmm….good. 1 1 Quote
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted February 1 Posted February 1 Them groundhogs is good eatin'. 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 2 Posted February 2 The patient was told that he didn’t have long to live. Patient: how long Doc? Doc: 5 Patient: 5 weeks? 5 months? 5 days? Doc: 4 1 3 1 Quote
Texas Joker Posted February 2 Posted February 2 4 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Not that light, the under one. The udder one 2 2 Quote
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted February 2 Posted February 2 1 hour ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: The patient was told that he didn’t have long to live. Patient: how long Doc? Doc: 5 Patient: 5 weeks? 5 months? 5 days? Doc: 4 3, 2, 1.... Quote
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