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Posted

 

Son asked father for a car. Father says, “do 3 things, bring up your grades, start going to Sunday school, and get your hair cut”. We'll talk about it an a couple of months”

A couple of months later, father says to son, “I see you have brought up your grades, good job! And I know you have been to Sunday school every week, but I notice you still haven't cut your hair”.

Son says, “ well, at Sunday school they have a picture of Jesus and the apostles, and I noticed they have longer hair like mine. So I figured that if it was ok for them, it should be fine for me”

Dad says, “ yes son, that's true, but let me also point out that when those gentlemen wanted to go somewhere, they walked”

 

 

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Posted

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Posted

That guy with the MG42 10/22 - I don't know who he is. But I was not impressed with his video.

 

Do you normally turn on a video to watch somebody load a magazine? It just seems to me that if you were going to show a video firing a gun that requires a detachable magazine, and you are going to shoot it more times than one magazine full - you need to have several loaded magazines there. Shoot the 10 rounds, replace the magazine and shoot 10 more. Not shoot and then spend 30 seconds loading the magazine and 10 seconds shooting and another 30 reloading.

 

That's why I quit watching about halfway through. I know how to load a magazine. I don't need to watch somebody do it again and again and again and again.

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Posted

Jewish lawyer met a Chinese doctor. Said he was surprised they got along so well. The doctor asked why.

 

"Well, you know, Pearl Harbor."

 

The doctor said, "That was Japanese, I'm Chinese".

 

The lawyer said, "Japanese, Chinese - I can't tell you apart".

 

The doctor says, "Well, you sank the Titanic!"

 

"What!?!?"

 

"Greenberg, Goldberg, iceberg - all the same to me."

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Posted

Three women leaving church services are involved in a horrible fatal car accident, they end up at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter welcomes them, just letting them know about one primary rule. Do. Not. Step On. A, Duck! And there were ducks everywhere!

 

Well, it only took a few days, and one of the ladies stepped on a duck. Saint Peter brought the ugliest man any of them had ever seen, tied them together with chains, and told them they would be together forever.

 

The remaining two ladies were more vigilant, yet a few weeks later another of the remaining pair stepped on a duck. Again, Saint Peter brought an incredibly ugly man, chained them together, and informed them they would be together for eternity.

 

The remaining lady became so careful and so vigilant, months went by and she avoided stepping on a duck, One day, Saint Peter approached with an Adonis following behind, an absolutely gorgeous hunk of a man with rippling muscles, tan, and even polite and respectful, and chained him to the remaining lady. They would be together for eternity!

 

The lady could not believe her fortune, she commented how she had no idea what special thing she had done to deserve this, she had just done her best to follow the rule. The guy replied back he had no idea what she had done either, but a few minutes ago he had stepped on a duck.

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Posted
10 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

Three women leaving church services are involved in a horrible fatal car accident, they end up at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter welcomes them, just letting them know about one primary rule. Do. Not. Step On. A, Duck! And there were ducks everywhere!

 

Well, it only took a few days, and one of the ladies stepped on a duck. Saint Peter brought the ugliest man any of them had ever seen, tied them together with chains, and told them they would be together forever.

 

The remaining two ladies were more vigilant, yet a few weeks later another of the remaining pair stepped on a duck. Again, Saint Peter brought an incredibly ugly man, chained them together, and informed them they would be together for eternity.

 

The remaining lady became so careful and so vigilant, months went by and she avoided stepping on a duck, One day, Saint Peter approached with an Adonis following behind, an absolutely gorgeous hunk of a man with rippling muscles, tan, and even polite and respectful, and chained him to the remaining lady. They would be together for eternity!

 

The lady could not believe her fortune, she commented how she had no idea what special thing she had done to deserve this, she had just done her best to follow the rule. The guy replied back he had no idea what she had done either, but a few minutes ago he had stepped on a duck.

A quack shot for sure!

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Posted

Three couples die. They are waiting at the pearly Gates. St Peter says to the first man, "All you care about is alcohol. You spent your entire life trying to get more and more alcohol. You even married a woman named Brandy. You can't come in."

 

Then he turns to the second man. "All you care about is money. You spent your entire life trying to get more and more money. You even married a woman named Penny. You can't come in."

 

Hearing this, the third man turned to his wife and said, "Let's go Fanny. He's not going to let us in either."

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Posted

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Posted

Living in the country, lots of folks keep various animals. Got a neighbor who raises turkeys. One of the turkeys got weird a few days ago, yesterday two did, and now four of them this morning...

 

They seem to think they are roosters. Every morning now as the sun comes up, I am hearing "gobble gobble doo... gobble gobble doo..."

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Posted
2 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

 

The real thing also was somewhat useful against ground troops. 

 

Somewhat?  It's nickname was the "meat chopper?

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