Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 What’s the quickest way to get in touch with your inner self? Single ply toilet paper… 4 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 12 Posted May 12 A lawyer and the Pope die on the same day and go up to heaven. St. Peter checks them in, and an angel comes by in a golden chariot to take them to their new quarters. They ride along for a while through beautiful heavenly scenery, and pull up in front of a lovely English cottage with a thatched roof and a rose trellis. The angel turns around in his seat and says to the Pope, "I hope you like your new quarters." "Oh, it's beautiful," says the Pope, and he goes on in. The chariot moves off and the lawyer notices that the neighborhood is getting fancier and fancier. Eventually they pull in front of a magnificent alabaster mansion, with thoroughbred horses grazing on the expansive lawns, a Rolls Royce and a Ferrari in the portico. "Hope you like it," the angel says. “Like it? I'm stunned,” says the lawyer. "Why, is there anything wrong?" "No, no, of course not -- just the opposite. The place we left the Pope off was beautiful, but this is just unbelievable. I don't get it." "Oh, that's easy," says the angel. "We've had plenty of Popes up here before, but you're the first lawyer." 1 4 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 12 Posted May 12 Bird uses bread to catch a fish https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIPhqnDp0Wa/?igsh=MXFyYjByazJwYnNrNQ== 2 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 12 Posted May 12 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHJdMydvdIT/?igsh=enEyaDVqMHJsZzBo 3 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted May 12 Author Posted May 12 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DE-JW3PSHU8/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng== 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 12 Posted May 12 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFF64gaNNl8/?igsh=eXZ3ZmV3YnRkZjFq 1 Quote
Alpo Posted May 12 Posted May 12 2 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: Bird uses bread to catch a fish https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIPhqnDp0Wa/?igsh=MXFyYjByazJwYnNrNQ== Do you suppose the heron took notes? 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 12 Posted May 12 31 minutes ago, Alpo said: Do you suppose the heron took notes? He was searching for some bread… 1 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted May 13 Author Posted May 13 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJWdCRkRz54/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng== 1 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 13 Posted May 13 A lawyer dies and shows up at the pearly gates. St. Peter greets him and they sit down together to do the required paperwork. At one point St. Peter is looking through the lawyer's official heavenly dossier, and he says, “Oh, congratulations, I see you qualify for the better grade housing we have up here.” "Oh, really?" says the lawyer. "Why is that?" St. Peter replies, "Well, the Big Guy has a rule that anybody who lived to be more than 100 was obviously leading a virtuous life on earth, so it's appropriate for that person to spend eternity in the best possible quarters." "But that doesn't make sense," says the lawyer. "I died of a heart attack at age 58." "That's impossible," says St Peter, looking at the lawyer's dossier. "According to your time records, you have to be at least 182 years old." 1 2 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted May 13 Author Posted May 13 Ordering coffee at the Vatican Café https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJjz6jGo3-U/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== 1 2 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted May 14 Author Posted May 14 Nobody wants a gun. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJC2asdziAG/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== 3 1 Quote
Alpo Posted May 14 Posted May 14 37 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Nobody wants a gun. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJC2asdziAG/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== I like her. Never heard of her before but I watched all of the things I could before Instagram shut me off. And I like her. 2 Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 14 Posted May 14 Al, the lawyer, and Joe, the loan officer, are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." Joe thinks this is a great idea and provides financing. Then, they buy everything they’ll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. Al obtains the necessary permits to operate, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they finish, there is such a crowd they decide it is a good idea to give a demonstration. Al, the lawyer, being quite adventurous, decided to jump. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him. Al falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up-he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Joe finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the cord was fine, but what's a pinata?" 1 6 Quote
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted May 15 Posted May 15 On 5/10/2025 at 9:40 AM, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: And in a place that hasn't printed all the signs backwards 1 1 Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted May 15 Posted May 15 19 minutes ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said: And in a place that hasn't printed all the signs backwards .... that's just so the steering wheels are on the correct side 🙃 3 Quote
Subdeacon Joe Posted May 16 Author Posted May 16 Cop tells how to fend off Gorl Scouts https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHes4aUyC1J/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== Quote
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 16 Posted May 16 After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. 1 6 Quote
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted May 16 Posted May 16 50 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. I spent 8 years working on aircraft for The Marine Corps. Occasionally a pilot would write up something even sillier than the above. When he did, we might sign it off with: defective I D tenT in cockpit. R&R, (Remove and Replace) before next flight. 2 2 Quote
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