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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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The guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room.
No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.


The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, 'Man, what happened to you?'
He said, 'Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.'

 

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.
They said, 'Man, what happened to you? You look awful!'
He said, 'Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up andwatched him all night.'

 

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. 'Good morning,' he said. They couldn't believe it!
They said, 'Man, what happened?'
He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. So, he sat up and watched me all night.

 

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Two old men are sitting in a bar.

One of them looks at the other & says

“You look familiar… where you from?”

The second old man replies “Ireland”

The first old man looks astonished & says

” No way I’m from Ireland myself, what a small world!”

The second old man then looks at the first “What city?”

The first old man says “Dublin?”

The second old man looks astonished

“No way I’m from Dublin meself! What a small world.”

The first man looks at the second old man “What school you go to?”

The second old man replies

“Saint Mary’s class of 89”

The first old man is absolutely baffled

” NO WAY Saint Mary’s class of 89 myself! What a small world!”

At this point, another man comes into the bar & says to the bartender

“Hey, Joe! Anything interesting going on?”

The bartender says

“Not really… but the Murphy twins are drunk again.”

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14 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

May be an image of 1 person and text

Every year at harvest time! 
Remember if you don’t have peach juice all over you when done, your peaches weren’t really ripe!

Regards

:FlagAm:  :FlagAm:  :FlagAm:

Gateway Kid

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A guy was walking along a beach in California when he stumbled on something. He bent down and picked it up and it was an Arabian lamp. He proceeded to wipe the sand off when a Genie appeared. The Genie seemed to be angry and said “This is the third time that I’ve been disturbed this week, so you’re only going to get one wish instead of three, so you’d better make it a good one!” The man thought for a minute and said, “I’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii, but I get sea sick, and I’m afraid of flying, so I wish that you would build me a bridge so that I can drive over.” The Genie exclaims “You’ve got to be out of your mind! Think about the logistics, all of the steel that would have to be sunk in the ocean and all of the asphalt! That’s too hard, think of something else.” The guy thinks again and says, “You know, I’ve been married and divorced three times and each time, they say it’s because I don’t understand them. So I wish to be able to understand women, know what they’re thinking when they’re quiet…” The Genie interrupts him saying “two lanes or four?”

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Dedicated to all the idiots in our lives... When Gandhi was studying law at the University of London, he had a professor called Peters who couldn't stand him. Gandhi was not a guy to be intimidated. One day the professor was eating in the dining room and Gandhi sat next to him. The professor said, "Mr. Gandhi, do you know that a pig and a bird cannot eat together?" " “Okay, professor, I'm flying away…” replied Gandhi, who sat at another table. The deeply irritated professor decided to take revenge in the next exam, but Gandhi answered all the questions brilliantly. Then he decided to ask him the following question: "Mr. Gandhi, imagine that you are standing on the road and you see a bag; you open it and find wisdom and a lot of money." Which of the two would you choose? " - “Of course it's money, Prof.” - "Ah, I would choose wisdom." - “You are right Professor; In fact, each one chooses what he/she DOESN'T have!” " The angry teacher wrote the word idiot and returned the exam. Gandhi read the test result and returned immediately. "Professor, you signed the exam, but you forgot to grade it!"

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A wife & husband visited a farm, they saw a bull making love with a cow. The wife asked the farm manager:

"How many times does a bull do this per day?"

Manager replied: "6 times or more a day".

Wife: looks at her husband and said....."you see!!!"

Then the husband asked the manager: "You mean 6 times a day with the same cow?"

Manager said " No, No, with different cows everyday."

Husband looks to his wife and says ..."you see!!!"


the bandages come off Wednesday but he’ll be on crutches for a while yet.

Edited by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984
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3 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

A wife & husband visited a farm, they saw a bull making love with a cow. The wife asked the farm manager:

"How many times does a bull do this per day?"

Manager replied: "6 times or more a day".

Wife: looks at her husband and said....."you see!!!"

Then the husband asked the manager: "You mean 6 times a day with the same cow?"

Manager said " No, No, with different cows everyday."

Husband looks to his wife and says ..."you see!!!"


the bandages come off Wednesday but he’ll be on crutches for a while yet.

The Coolidge Effect.

 

Another bull 'story':

 

An old bull and a couple of young bulls were in a pasture, checking out the cows in an adjacent field. The two younger bulls ran up to the older bull and one said, "Hey pops -- c'mon! We're gonna run down the hill, vault that fence, jump the creek, and visit a couple of those cows!"

 

The old bull paused in his chewing, and answered, "You go ahead, sonny. I plan to  walk down the hill, crawl through the fence, wade the creek, and visit them all."

Edited by Ozark Huckleberry
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As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather Arabic-looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

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She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which, without missing a beat the flight attendant replied, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, **tch.”

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1 hour ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather Arabic-looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

main-qimg-1f9cdaca1877db17ce25b66097d83df1

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which, without missing a beat the flight attendant replied, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, **tch.”

I'd wanna poke it:o

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