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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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Last night on my evening walk, I completely lost my mind because ahead of me was a white rabbit sitting upright, waiting for me on my path. I could not believe it.

I took out my phone to take its photo. It didn't move, I wondered if it was an early Easter decoration, but it was too far down on the road and not in front of a home.

 

pic1.jpg.a426acf1c76a19653295e343a4713421.jpg

 

I thought - - it's frightened so it's staying still, take it slow. I walked up to it little by little, carefully, so as not to frighten it. Friends, I just spent a very slow ten minutes walking up to a plastic bag of dog poop.

.

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1 hour ago, Alpo said:

That must have been a bitch to write.

It was to read!

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Can ya imagine the conversation they had!

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main-qimg-b73a41bb0acd80e02bc1262650cd21a9

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it)

She smiled and explained,

"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

(Oh, just hush-up and send this one on to somebody who needs a laugh.)

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Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

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image.png.55c27b599123744b658fc359769825a1.png

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17 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

A blue whale's fart bubble is large enough to hold a horse.


Talk about your bit of useless knowledge!!

 

But that’s funny! I don’t care what anyone else thinks!! :lol:

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about Calvin Coolidge…
 

Both his dry Yankee wit and his frugality with words became legendary. His wife, Grace Goodhue Coolidge, recounted that a young woman sitting next to Coolidge at a dinner party confided to him she had bet she could get at least three words of conversation from him. Without looking at her he quietly retorted, “You lose.”

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