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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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This is an oldie….

 

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what i have seen in America." The General said, "well anything i can do to help" The Iranian whispered, "my son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is Kirk who is American, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is japanese, but there are no Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek. The General laughed, leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future...."

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12 hours ago, Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 said:

:ph34r:  

 

vent.thumb.jpeg.d18d3449e861a3c8c8c016781e750d9b.jpeg

Once had an attic fan not working when I bought a house.

 

After a close inspection, it was not as bad as this picture, but it was not wired into the house electric system.

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18 hours ago, DeaconKC said:

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All are right but #7.  Boxes are now designed to be too big for the shelves in my pantry, are marked Family Size,

and cost as much as a breakfast in a restaurant.  

 

There should be a #13: stores deliberately put things too high or too low for us to reach.  I had a lady help me get something too high for me to reach.  She was five inches shorter than I am but she picked up her five year old son and said "Larry, get the box down for the nice man."  I could have kissed them both.

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One of the advantages of being old. People help you.

 

In the grocery store, stuff is either on the top shelf where I can't reach it, or it's on the bottom shelf where if I get down to get it I can't get back up off the floor. And I have stopped random people and asked them to help, and they invariably will stand up on their tippy toes or get down and crawl on their hands and knees to get me what I'm asking for. And I firmly believe that if I was 25 and asked the same question they'd give me a dirty look and go on with what they were doing.

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1 hour ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

All are right but #7.  Boxes are now designed to be too big for the shelves in my pantry, are marked Family Size,

and cost as much as a breakfast in a restaurant.  

 

There should be a #13: stores deliberately put things too high or too low for us to reach.  I had a lady help me get something too high for me to reach.  She was five inches shorter than I am but she picked up her five year old son and said "Larry, get the box down for the nice man."  I could have kissed them both.

 

One day a lady about 4' 12" asked me to get something from the top shelf for her, then I asked her to get something from the bottom shelf for me since she was a lot closer to it than I was.  We teamed up again a few aisles over.

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"Whatever you decide, I'll do it."

 

Okie dokie. Go find that pickup truck and pull him over and write him up for careless driving. B)

 

 

I know how he feels. I got pulled over one night. Cop wanted to know how much I had to drink. I told him I didn't drink - I hadn't had nothing. He said "I've been following you for a mile and you keep swerving across the center line."

 

I pointed down the road and told him that I had been trying to pass that motorhome for at least 3 miles, and every time I eased across the line to see around him, there'd be a car coming so I'd have to come back in my lane. Dang razzle-snazzle driving 40 in a 55.

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A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. "That laundry is not very clean; she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap." Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hangs her wash to dry, the young woman makes the same comments.

A month later, the woman is surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and says to her husband: "Look, she's finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?" The husband replies, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows." And so it is with life... What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.

 

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It bwas only discovered after take off, when the flight attendants started going through their preparations for the meals. So, the airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix. However, one smart flight attendant had an idea.

A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, 'Ladies and gentleman; we don't know how this happened, but we have over 400 people on board, but only 200 dinners. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight!'

Her next announcement came six hours later.

'Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 180 dinners available'.

Moral of the story: People who like to drink, have very kind hearts

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Two psychiatrists run into each other one morning. In unison they look at one another and say "You're okay, how am I?"

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