Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 A sixteen year old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck?!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost. "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don"t know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars." "Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what"s going on." So the boy"s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. "I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn’t intend to come back." "He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did. 2 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesa Horg Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 The excavator that did the foundation hole for my previous house got divorced . He and the wife lived in a relatively new double wide. The judge determined he had to give her half the house. He literally cut it in half with a demo saw and loaded the bedroom half in the dump truck and off to the scrap yard. Left her the kitchen and part of the living room. It got on the news!!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 21, 2022 Author Share Posted December 21, 2022 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 21, 2022 Author Share Posted December 21, 2022 1 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 3 3 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 3 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 1 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 22, 2022 Author Share Posted December 22, 2022 3 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 A little girl was pulling a cow along a village road. An elderly man asked her ‘my dear, where are you taking the cow?’ Girl: ‘my father asked me to take this cow to the next village so that she can mate with the bull there and so that she can produce a young calf next year.’ Man: ‘Can’t your father do it?’ Girl: ‘Oh no Sir. It has to be the bull.’ 1 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 22, 2022 Author Share Posted December 22, 2022 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 22, 2022 Author Share Posted December 22, 2022 9 hours ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said: My emotional support machine gun. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 2 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 15 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said: I'm just sitting here trying to figure out two things. Why the astronaut on the right has a gun. Why his flag is the flag of the State of Ohio. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 I did not recognize the flag, but I also wondered about the gun. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckshot Bob Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 1 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 23, 2022 Author Share Posted December 23, 2022 25 minutes ago, DocWard said: I'm just sitting here trying to figure out two things. Why the astronaut on the right has a gun. Why his flag is the flag of the State of Ohio. I have no idea about either one. I just found it interesting that you could cut that many other flags out of the Norwegian flag. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 28 minutes ago, Alpo said: I did not recognize the flag, but I also wondered about the gun. Helps to be born and raised and still live in Ohio, I suppose! 6 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said: I have no idea about either one. I just found it interesting that you could cut that many other flags out of the Norwegian flag. Oh, I find that fascinating, but I don't need to try to figure out why you can. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 20 minutes ago, DocWard said: Helps to be born and raised and still live in Ohio, I suppose! It's supposed to be Neil Armstrong. Who was from Ohio. I don't know why the gun, though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 23, 2022 Author Share Posted December 23, 2022 2 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night long it was honor and offer. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 2 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 10 hours ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said: It's supposed to be Neil Armstrong. Who was from Ohio. I don't know why the gun, though. Wapakoneta is in Ohio? Who knew? So that would mean the other astronaut should have the state flag for New Jersey on his shoulder? Or, since the moon isn't shown and the size of the earth, it could also be John Glenn, Jim Lovell or Donn Eiselle, who beat Neil into space. All from Ohio. There are a slew of astronauts from Ohio. Just goes to show what lengths people will go to get out of this state! (there, I beat someone to it!) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 Just now, DocWard said: Wapakoneta is in Ohio? Who knew? So that would mean the other astronaut should have the state flag for New Jersey on his shoulder? Or, since the moon isn't shown and the size of the earth, it could also be John Glenn, Jim Lovell or Donn Eiselle, who beat Neil into space. All from Ohio. There are a slew of astronauts from Ohio. Just goes to show what lengths people will go to get out of this state! (there, I beat someone to it!) Too true. I just remember seeing this somewhere else and that it's supposed to be Armstrong. And growing up in Ohio was one of the reasons I now live in Arizona. I wanted out so much I enlisted in the Marine Corps. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 3 minutes ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said: Too true. I just remember seeing this somewhere else and that it's supposed to be Armstrong. And growing up in Ohio was one of the reasons I now live in Arizona. I wanted out so much I enlisted in the Marine Corps. Thanks for taking the post in the good humor it was intended. I re-read it and realized it could be taken as such, or I could come off sounding like a jerk. And I can understand people wanting to get out. I've traveled and seen and always come back though. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 Christmas Carols For My Disturbed Friends 1. Schizophrenia - - - Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder - - - We Three Kings Disoriented Are. 3. Dementia - - - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas. 4. Narcissistic - - - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me. 5. Manic - - - Deck The Halls And The Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Busses And Trucks And Trees And ....... 6. Paranoid - - - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town To Get Me. 7. Borderline Personality Disorder - - - Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire. 8. Personality Disorder - - - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why. 9. Attention Deficit Disorder - - - Silent Night, Holy ....oh look at the Froggy - Can I Have A Chocolate - Why Is France so Far Away? 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - - - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,,,,,,,,,,, 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," said the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop. Chief exclaimed........ "All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," said the cop. The Chief then asked...... "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" Cop:"Bigger." Chief:"Governor?" Cop:"Bigger." "Well," said the Chief,"Who is it?" Cop: "I think it's God!" Chief:"What makes you think it's God?" Cop:"He's got the Pope for a limo driver 2 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 3 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 2 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said: FOUND IT 1 1 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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