Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 It was a cold, dark, stormy night. They were together in the house. Just the two of them. The storm had come quickly, and each time the thunder boomed, he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance... and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her, and protect her from the storm. Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out. She screamed. He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him. The storm raged on... They knew it was wrong... Their families would never understand... So consumed were they in their fear that they heard no opening of doors. And then, a sudden flash! But instead of thunder, there followed the faint click of a camera.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted August 22, 2022 Author Share Posted August 22, 2022 "It Was A Dark and Stormy Night" is the opening phrase in a story written and published in 1830 by Edward Bulwer-Lytton. It's long been considered one of the worse story openings ever, and even today is often scoffed and ridiculed. In 1982 the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest was inaugurated to challenge writers to come up with competing bits of bad prose. The first winner of the then-new (and still running) competition was Gail Cain, of San Francisco. I worked with Gail, a most delightful lady; I loved teasing her about her "fame." Gail's winning entry: The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails – not for the first time since the journey began –pondered snidely if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent with Basil. — Gail Cain, San Francisco, CA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 For 2022 the Grand Prize Winner I knew she was trouble the second she walked into my 24-hour deli, laundromat, and detective agency, and after dropping a load of unmentionables in one of the heavy-duty machines (a mistake that would soon turn deadly) she turned to me, asking for two things: find her missing husband and make her a salami on rye with spicy mustard, breaking into tears when I told her I couldn't help—I was fresh out of salami. there were many categories of winners and Dishonorable Mentions in each category. in the category of Childrens and Young Adults Literature the winner was Three bears arrived at their den to discover a yellow haired girl sleeping, and as she was neither too hot nor too cold, neither too soft nor too hard, but just right, they ate her. one, yes just one, or the Dishonorable Mentions The Director of Child Protective Services was aghast, and needed clarification, “Let me get this straight—You were rocking your baby on the tree top, and when the wind blew, the cradle rocked and the bough broke, the cradle fell, and down came baby, cradle and all?” Much, much more bad prose at https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/winners Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Bob #35998 Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 Busted! Thos could go viral! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Bob #35998 Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 The 1987 winner, one of my favorites. The notes blatted skyward as the sun rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically peddling unseen bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by Nature's maxim, "Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work," and at last I knew Pittsburgh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 Those who win become political speechwriters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 Most of them are way too windy. Bulwer-Lytton only used seven words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trailrider #896 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 19 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: For 2022 the Grand Prize Winner I knew she was trouble the second she walked into my 24-hour deli, laundromat, and detective agency, and after dropping a load of unmentionables in one of the heavy-duty machines (a mistake that would soon turn deadly) she turned to me, asking for two things: find her missing husband and make her a salami on rye with spicy mustard, breaking into tears when I told her I couldn't help—I was fresh out of salami. there were many categories of winners and Dishonorable Mentions in each category. in the category of Childrens and Young Adults Literature the winner was Three bears arrived at their den to discover a yellow haired girl sleeping, and as she was neither too hot nor too cold, neither too soft nor too hard, but just right, they ate her. one, yes just one, or the Dishonorable Mentions The Director of Child Protective Services was aghast, and needed clarification, “Let me get this straight—You were rocking your baby on the tree top, and when the wind blew, the cradle rocked and the bough broke, the cradle fell, and down came baby, cradle and all?” Much, much more bad prose at https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/winners Sounds like the opening from the movie, "The Cheap Detective" starring Peter Falk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 41 minutes ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said: Most of them are way too windy. Bulwer-Lytton only used seven words. Nope. That is a truncation that people use, sort of like "paint the lily." The full sentence is, "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imis Twohofon,SASS # 46646 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 I came, I saw, I conquered Imis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 The night was dark and stormy The toilet light was dim When suddenly we heard a splash Oh Gosh, she's fallen in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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