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A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

Buckshot Bear

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A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, " I clocked you at 120 km. per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT THE #*** UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
To which she replies.... "Only when he's been drinking......"

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The successful business man felt he had finally arrived in the world, so he bought a high-powered sports car.

He was out driving fast and feeling his oats when he sped by a cop.

The cop turned on his lights and gave chase.. and the business man punched it and ditched the cop.

Down the road a fair piece he said to himself, "What am I doing?? I'm a respectable business man!" and he pulled over to wait for the cop.

Minutes later, the officer screeches to a stop, storms out of the car and says, "Do you know how much trouble you're in?"

"Please" said the business man, "This is not me.  I got carried away and I'm sorry."

The cop says to him, "You give me an excuse I haven't heard before, and I'll let you go."

Thinking a minute, the business man said, "My wife ran off with a cop.  When I saw the lights, I thought you were trying to bring her back."


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