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A Northern Territory farm hand gets on the radio to the farmer


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A Northern Territory farm hand gets on the radio to the farmer.

'Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bull bars at the front of my ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out.'

The manager says,'Ok, there's a ...303Rifle behind the seat. Take it; shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him.'

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back;

 

'I did what you said boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on'. 'Now what's the problem?' raged the farmer.

'Well boss, it's his motorbike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch.'

'... You there Boss?'

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There might be a few LEOs that take offense at this.:(

Edited by Yul Lose
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It might be different in the US, but every back room of a cop shop (police station) in Oz that I've been to they have pig joke paraphernalia everywhere.

 

Most Aussie cops (at least in NSW) have a cop 'handle' that the other cops use, a lady cop in town many years ago her handle was 'Miss Piggy', she's moved onto somewhere else now but if she's still a copper her handle would still be 'Miss Piggy'. 

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1 hour ago, Buckshot Bear said:

It might be different in the US, but every back room of a cop shop (police station) in Oz that I've been to they have pig joke paraphernalia everywhere.

 

Might be a case of , "If WE do it, it's fine, if YOU do it it isn't." Here a group can make jokes about itself, and use derogatory names about itself and members with impunity.  But wow betide an outsider who uses those terms.

 

Also in the past decade a few followers of well known self-styled leaders of certain minority communities have quite publicly called for roasting some pigs,  or other such calls to violence, at times when (mostly peaceful) protesters were showing their mostly peaceful opinions of police by torching police vehicles.

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It's a case of "it's a joke from a foreign country where they use a slightly different language".

 

I remember a few years ago there was a big mess up because some Australian cowgirl wanted to sign on here as Outback Bitch (or something like that - something bitch). And they refused to let her sign on. The Aussies couldn't seem to understand the problem, because in Australia bitch is a friendly way of referring to a girl. Not so here in the good old US of A.

 

Apparently in Australia everyone (including the cops) calls cops pigs. If this offends US policeman, they need to look and see that it comes from a different country, and get over it.

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A fella was driving home from his buddies place which is out in the middle of nowhere. He'd done this drive a dozen times, so wasn't paying much attention to the road, giving glances to his phone. He saw the street light ahead about a mile or so down the road when BOOM, he hit something. He stopped his car and looked down the road to see a pig laying on its side. He checked his car and didn't see any real damage, then looked around and saw no street or farm signs or anything of the like. The pig then tried to get up but fell down again. He looked at the fella with a "help me" look in his face, but the guy was no vet and wasn't planning on throwing the pig in the back of his car. He - the pig - looked rattled, but had no signs of serious injury to him (no blood, his head was intact, no missing limbs, etc), so the fella decided to get out of there.

The next morning there was a knock at the door and his wife answered. She yells to him, "Babe, the cops are here for you..."

He got to the door and one of the cops said, "hello sir.  I'm officer White, and this is officer Smith.  We would like to ask you a couple questions."

"Okay, how can I help you officers?"

"Well, you can start by telling us where you were last night"

"I went to my buddies house out in the country to play some cards, then came home," he said.

"Okay, do you drive a white Honda Civic with license plate ....?"

"Yes," he said.  "So, what is this all about?"

"Sorry, sir, but we have a report from a local farmer who said that you were involved in a felony hit and run with his pig. Unfortunately, we are going to have to take you in."

He tried pleading his case by saying that there had been no one around, and that he looked for signs for someone to call but found none. 

The officers didn't seem to care.

They put the cuffs on him and I started to walk to their car. As he made the walk, he looked at one of the officers.  "Sir, I'm sorry, but how did this even come about? Who told the farmer that I had hit the pig? I don't understand. It was in the middle of nowhere, no one was around and it was night out!"

As he pushed the fella down in the back of the car, and right before he closed the door, the officer said:

"Simple.  The pig squealed."

Pig Emoji – PINHYPE

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My apologies to the OP. When I was in 6th grade, along about 1966 I came home from school one day and referred to police officers as pigs and my stepdad beat my ass until it was black and blue so I guess my respect for police officers is pretty deeply rooted. Even today when I see them being referred to in that manner anywhere it infuriates me and I doubt that I’ll ever change. I don’t think it’s a joke.

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3 hours ago, Alpo said:

It's a case of "it's a joke from a foreign country where they use a slightly different language".

 

I remember a few years ago there was a big mess up because some Australian cowgirl wanted to sign on here as Outback Bitch (or something like that - something bitch). And they refused to let her sign on. The Aussies couldn't seem to understand the problem, because in Australia bitch is a friendly way of referring to a girl. Not so here in the good old US of A.

 

Apparently in Australia everyone (including the cops) calls cops pigs. If this offends US policeman, they need to look and see that it comes from a different country, and get over it.

 

  ... yep, ... the Lady's handle was/is Buckshot Bitch, ....... and, as her husband happily points out, ... she can be .....   :wub:

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I showed this joke to my son who is the chief of police here in our home town, he laughed and said he was taking this one to station tomorrow that the guys will crack up! 

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16 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

It might be different in the US, but every back room of a cop shop (police station) in Oz that I've been to they have pig joke paraphernalia everywhere.

 

Most Aussie cops (at least in NSW) have a cop 'handle' that the other cops use, a lady cop in town many years ago her handle was 'Miss Piggy', she's moved onto somewhere else now but if she's still a copper her handle would still be 'Miss Piggy'. 

 

I spent 27 years with the Canadian Military Police and I thought it was funny.  We used to wear pig tie tacs and pig lapel pins on our civvy clothes.  We were not offended by the term.  PIG = Pride, Integrity, Guts.

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The Town Marshal that swore me in, wore a pig tie tac on the handle of his Smith & Wesson.
He drilled into the base of the right hand grip, put a drop of epoxy on the pin, slid it in the hole -- it was a press fit, and with the epoxy, it didn't go anywhere ... I liked the Marshal's pig!

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Forest Service Rangers are often referred to "pine pigs" out here in the West.  When I had my rescue equipment company one of my dealers in NM was named Pine Pig Outfitters.  I asked the owner once about the name.  He was a retired Forest Service ranger. :)

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A: I would never call a police officer a PIG. It was from the "60 and "70's TV shows that I remember used that term to refer to them and it was a minory or a hippee using the term. Watch a couple of the Dirty Harry movies and you hear it used there.

 

B: I have never been in law enforcement.

 

C: Given that, I thought it was a funny joke.

 

Reminds me of this joke:

 

A Man is Hunting and Accidentally Shoots His Friend

Surprised and scared, the man calls 911 and the conversation went like this:

Operator: This is 911, state your emergency

Hunter: I shot my friend while hunting and I think I killed him!

Operator: Well the first thing to do is to make sure that he's actually dead

The operator soon after hears the hunter walk away from the phone immediately followed by a the sound of a gun firing

Hunter: OK, He is dead, now what?!

 

 

 

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As many of you know, I had heart surgery August 2020.

 

They replaced my Aorta valve with an actual 'pig' valve.

 

Now, whenever I eat Bar-B-Que, I feel like a cannibal.

 

Last week, I dreamed I was being chased by a small herd of pigs.

They were squealing..... "Oinkel, Oinkel, Oinkel".

I was yelling back...... 'No, I'm your cousin'.

 

 

..........Widder

 

Edited by Widder, SASS #59054
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18 minutes ago, Widder, SASS #59054 said:

As many of you know, I had heart surgery August 2020.

 

They replaced my Aorta valve with an actual 'pig' valve.

 

Now, whenever I eat Bar-B-Que, I feel like a cannibal.

 

Last week, I dreamed I was being chased by a small herd of pigs.

They were squealing..... "Oinkel, Oinkel, Oinkel".

I was yelling back...... 'No, I'm your cousin'.

 

 

..........Widder

 

Go work on some Marlin's :lol:

OLG 

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Years ago while living in New Mexico my wife and I were walking into a cafe. The smell of bacon (love) was in the air. As I was walking past a car with it’s windows down I said to my wife “I smell bacon”

From inside the car I heard a man’s voice say “What the hell do you mean by that?”

That is when I realized I was next to a police car. 
I turned and smiled and said “Sorry officer. No offense, but I do smell bacon.”

He laughed and said “I know… I was just messing with you.”

:lol:

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2 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

Years ago while living in New Mexico my wife and I were walking into a cafe. The smell of bacon (love) was in the air. As I was walking past a car with it’s windows down I said to my wife “I smell bacon”

From inside the car I heard a man’s voice say “What the hell do you mean by that?”

That is when I realized I was next to a police car. 
I turned and smiled and said “Sorry officer. No offense, but I do smell bacon.”

He laughed and said “I know… I was just messing with you.”

:lol:

 

There wouldn't be a school bus in Australia that if a cop car drove past you wouldn't hear the words uttered "I smell bacon" :) 

 

p.s cops by the vast vast majority of folks in Oz are highly respected and we are thankful for the work they do keeping us safe and doing the things that need to be done.

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Several years ago up here in Vermont the State Police had new door decals made by the prison folks. After numerous had been installed on the cars, someone noticed that one of the COWS in the picture had been changed to a PIG! They had them all replaced but I think they should have kept them and had a sense of humor about it. The critters were pretty small in the decal.

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21 hours ago, Alpo said:

It's a case of "it's a joke from a foreign country where they use a slightly different language".

 

I remember a few years ago there was a big mess up because some Australian cowgirl wanted to sign on here as Outback Bitch (or something like that - something bitch). And they refused to let her sign on. The Aussies couldn't seem to understand the problem, because in Australia bitch is a friendly way of referring to a girl. Not so here in the good old US of A.

 

Apparently in Australia everyone (including the cops) calls cops pigs. If this offends US policeman, they need to look and see that it comes from a different country, and get over it.

What I was going to say.  Thanks, Alpo.

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"We'll Kick Your Ass…And Steal Your Doughnuts, Too ...

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