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The Aussie Humour Thread


Buckshot Bear

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1 hour ago, John Kloehr said:

If they were both ducks, I would get it and laugh. 

 

But I'm gonna need this one explained. Yes, joke ruined, but I don't get it.

 

On edit: I'm not blond either, so legit not getting it.

 

They are Corella's (one type of our cockatoos) blocking out the Red and Amber lights.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

op left dod: something unique to Autralia....two rows of teeth on the top?

Has unique things living there. Probably has something to do with the water. Creatures keep evolving. So not only does the dog on the left have three rows of teeth, but the gray dog on the right has three ears.

 

 

I wonder why otto removed the first word of my post - Oz - but left the rest of the sentence there?

Edited by Alpo
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3 hours ago, Alpo said:

Has unique things living there. Probably has something to do with the water. Creatures keep evolving. So not only does the dog on the left have three rows of teeth, but the gray dog on the right has three ears.

 

 

I wonder why otto removed the first word of my post - Oz - but left the rest of the sentence there?

LOL that's its tail :)

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11 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

LOL that's its tail :)

It's tail is down by the brown dogs collar;):P

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16 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

LOL that's its tail :)

The gray dog has three ears coming out of his head. I circled them in red. His tail is underneath the brown dog's ear. I circled it in blue.

 

0dog2.jpg.d12b952761d5107d9ed5063667b839f0.jpg

 

You are saying that the thing coming out of the back of the gray dog's head, that does not have a pink lining, is his tail, and not a third ear? Growing out of the back of his head?

 

Having a tail growing out of the back of his head would be weirder than having a third ear.

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Clancy of the Overflow Meaning of Clancy of the Overflow
Clancy of the Overflow is a poem about a lawyer living in an overcrowded and dirty city who yearns for the freedom and carefree life of a drover (cowboy) in the Australian Outback.
Clancy of the Overflow was written by Banjo Paterson and offers a romanticised view of rural life.
The poet drew upon a chance experience he had when he sent a letter to a man named 'Clancy' at a sheep station (ranch) named 'Overflow'.
He received a simple yet evocative reply which read: "Clancy's gone to Queensland droving, and we don't know where he are." Inspired by this reply, Banjo Paterson wrote this poem — Clancy of the Overflow.
Clancy of the Overflow
I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better
Knowledge, sent to where I met him down the Lachlan, years ago,
He was shearing when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him,
Just "on spec", addressed as follows, "Clancy, of The Overflow".
And an answer came directed in a writing unexpected,
(And I think the same was written with a thumb-nail dipped in tar)
Twas his shearing mate who wrote it, and verbatim I will quote it:
"Clancy's gone to Queensland droving, and we don't know where he are."
In my wild erratic fancy visions come to me of Clancy
Gone a-droving "down the Cooper" where the Western drovers go;
As the stock are slowly stringing, Clancy rides behind them singing,
For the drover's life has pleasures that the townsfolk never know.
And the bush hath friends to meet him, and their kindly voices greet him
In the murmur of the breezes and the river on its bars,
And he sees the vision splendid of the sunlit plains extended,
And at night the wond'rous glory of the everlasting stars.
I am sitting in my dingy little office, where a stingy
Ray of sunlight struggles feebly down between the houses tall,
And the foetid air and gritty of the dusty, dirty city
Through the open window floating, spreads its foulness over all
And in place of lowing cattle, I can hear the fiendish rattle
Of the tramways and the buses making hurry down the street,
And the language uninviting of the gutter children fighting,
Comes fitfully and faintly through the ceaseless tramp of feet.
And the hurrying people daunt me, and their pallid faces haunt me
As they shoulder one another in their rush and nervous haste,
With their eager eyes and greedy, and their stunted forms and weedy,
For townsfolk have no time to grow, they have no time to waste.
And I somehow rather fancy that I'd like to change with Clancy,
Like to take a turn at droving where the seasons come and go,
While he faced the round eternal of the cash-book and the journal —
But I doubt he'd suit the office, Clancy, of "The Overflow".
 
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‘KANGAROO KING’ COLD CASE - 1980
ABC News.
Andy Komarnicki was the owner of a kangaroo processing plant in the small Queensland town, where dead roos became pet food for hungry dogs all along the eastern seaboard.
One night in January 1980, he made a routine trip to check on chiller rooms on the town's outskirts.
His family haven't seen him since.
And despite a $250,000 reward for information — and the proliferation of countless theories — they're still no closer to finding answers.
Komarnicki feared he would be 'knocked off'
According to police, Mr Komarnicki's car was found abandoned at a weir near the banks of the Balonne River, about 300 metres away from his business. It was unlocked, and the keys were still in the ignition.
His stepson, Frank Poplawski, remembers going to the business the next morning with his brother, and looking from the gate to the main road.
"He must have walked out to the main road, because there were lots of footprints on the main road. He had flat soled shoes on," Mr Poplawski says.
"I'm guessing that someone pulled up on the road or someone was there and I reckon that's where they grabbed him."
The family believes it must have been someone who knew the Kangaroo King.
Mr Poplawski says his stepfather was concerned prior to his disappearance that someone was "going to knock him off".
"But he would never talk to you about it," he says.
"Things were not bright, right from the word go. Someone had definitely got rid of him."
Involved in a meat racket
One theory is that Mr Komarnicki's death may be linked to his involvement in Australia's notorious meat substitution racket, exposed in the early 80s.
Mr Komarnicki's stepson says while meat from the St George processing plant was intended for pet food, it was also used for human consumption.
"We used to process a couple of hundred roos per day, so that's a lot of skins and a lot of meat that's going somewhere," Mr Poplawski says.
"I'm definitely sure it wasn't all going to pet.
"When you would see those ads on TV advertising the pies [Mr Komarnicki] said 'that's my meat' and he wasn't joking.
"I think they were using it for human consumption then."
The meat substitution scandal erupted into the national consciousness in 1981, when an American food inspector found suspected horse meat in imported Australian "beef".
A royal commission followed, revealing the practice of passing off pet-grade horse and kangaroo meat as fit for human consumption was widespread.
Mr Komarnicki wasn't named in the inquiry. By then, he had been missing for more than a year.
Kangaroo shooter Dick Kingdom — the number one suspect for a short time — believes a link to the racket was behind the disappearance.
His theory is that Mr Komarnicki's competitors arranged a "hit".
"He was selling to supermarkets in Sydney and they were making pies out of it," he says.
"It sort of folded after he went. There was no opposition no more."
Is he really dead?
The missing person case remains a talking point in St George, where everyone has a theory about what happened to Mr Komarnicki.
"Everybody was walking around, wondering if they were going to be next, who was going to be interviewed, who was coming from where," another kangaroo shooter, Ward Curtis, remembers.
"There was talk that people from overseas got him, that he was an assassinator in the war and all this type of caper.
"Nobody would sneak up on Andy because he always had a gun … Everybody knew it."
As a body was never found, some locals suspect Mr Komarnicki survived the night, leaving town in secret in a plane.
Another rumour is that Mr Komarnicki's body was destroyed in the processing plant.
"A lot of people thought, 'someone's done the wrong thing and put him through the mincer'," local teacher Donna Worboys, who uses the story in her history lessons, says.
Calls to reopen the case
Ken Morris, a police officer in St George in the 1970s, was brought back to the town to investigate the disappearance.
He says there was no indication of a plane in St George that night, and tests on the mincer at the kangaroo works found no evidence of human remains.
An inquest in 1981 found insufficient evidence to name a suspect, concluding only that Mr Komarnicki had likely been abducted or led away from his business.
But Mr Morris says if DNA testing had been available at the time, they might have solved the case.
The family is still hopeful that the mystery will be solved — but until then, the stories will continue to circulate in St George.
 
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One of the greatest light horse photographs.
Australian light horsemen riding waler horses. The soldiers are of the original contingent of the Australian Imperial Force and the photograph was taken prior to their departure from Australia in November 1914.
The soldier on the right is Trooper William Harry Rankin Woods, 1st Light Horse Regiment, who died of wounds on the 15th of May 1915, one of the first light horsemen to die in the Battle of Gallipoli, during WW1.
Trooper Woods is commemorated on the Lone Pine Memorial, Gallipoli.
Lone Pine Memorial is the main Australian memorial on Gallipoli, commemorating the 3,268 Australians and 456 New Zealanders who died in the campaign and have no known grave, and the 960 Australians and 252 New Zealanders who were buried at sea.
Lest We Forget.
 
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‘’BLUEY’ - Guinness Book of Records.
Bluey earned a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records by living for a very long time. This dog was a legitimate Australian Cattle Dog that spent almost 20 years of his life working cattle on a ranch in Australia.
We know that most dogs wouldn’t have the energy to work so hard that long. But Bluey just kept going and going. He finally passed peacefully on November 14, 1939, at the ripe old age of 29 years and 5 months.
 
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1904 Chook raffle goes wrong
In June 1904, the Kalgoorlie Sun recounted the tale of a chook raffle in a local pub.
The chicken, in this case was a live one, at least initially.
However, the winner had left the pub before the draw and a week or so later, after he’d failed to return to claim his prize, it ended up on the pub’s menu.
Poultry raffles were not unusual, but weren’t quite the same as the regular Friday night chook raffle that became a tradition at Aussie pubs and clubs from the 1950s.
In the early 19th century, raffling was a routine way to dispose of property.
Notices in newspapers advertised pianos, furniture, duelling pistols, timepieces and many other, usually valuable, objects to be disposed of by raffle.
Horses were also raffled and in 1833 Sydney papers announced:”
THE lovers of aquatic amusements are respectfully informed that a beautiful fast-pulling WHERRY, built in England, will be raffled…
Sometimes the items being raffled were edible.
In December 1832, G. Russell of George Street in Sydney advertised that a large plum cake, weighing 112 lbs (around 50kg) and valued at £18 would be raffled on 6 January. The raffle was to consist of thirty members at 10 shillings each.
Poultry raffles, which mostly involved turkeys and geese, but occasionally chickens (live or dressed) were not an exclusively Australian phenomenon.
They were common in America, often around the festive season and Thanksgiving.
Birds were often raffled in taverns, giving the practice a slightly seedy reputation.
This was all entirely legal, but had its opponents who argued that the practice encouraged gambling.
In the 1850s most Australian colonies passed laws forbidding or strictly regulating raffles. Some offered exemptions for charity bazaars.
While the use of raffling as a means of sale ceased, it seems the laws were selectively enforced and raffles persisted into the 20th century. In 1906, the New South Wales Attorney General cracked down, saying there was “too much elasticity in the administration of the Lotteries Act.”
As you might expect, the Women’s Christian Temperance Union became involved. In 1918, these righteous ladies mounted a campaign against charities raising money through raffles.
Perhaps they were targeting charitable souls like Miss Finlayson of Armidale who, that year, was raffling a meat basket to help raise money for the building of soldiers’ homes. The meat raffle, like the chook raffle, was to become another Australian tradition.
Although the term chook raffle seems to have emerged in the 1950s, the practice had a much longer history.
In 1920, the Perth Mirror, under the heading of “Fowl Play”, recounted the tale of two con men who collected money for raffle tickets from bar patrons, then scarpered through the billiard room window taking the two prize chickens with them. In 1938, The Truth protested that “The latest police brainwave is to abolish raffles in hotels. For years – particularly during the depression – some men have been knocking out a few shillings by raffling oysters or poultry on Fridays”.
The first documented winner of the charity “chook raffle” in its modern form, and with its familiar name, was one Ernie Dwyer, who held the winning ticket in the Cabramatta Bowling Club’s weekly fundraiser on Saturday 20 October 1956.
In the 1950s and early ’60s, my father participated in the regular raffles at the Caulfield North RSL Club, every so often arriving home on a Saturday evening with a ready-to-roast chicken.
He was known to remark that these were probably the most expensive chickens we ever ate, given the number of losing tickets he’d purchased over the years.
These days, when roasting a chicken at home has largely been replaced by ducking into the supermarket for a rotisseried bird, the charity raffle in the pub or club is more likely to be for a meat tray.
Often, especially in country towns, these are held to support a local football team sponsored by the pub in question.
“Chook raffle” has now become something of a derogatory term for an incompetently run election.
 
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