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The Aussie Humour Thread


Buckshot Bear

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Australia's cedar getters:
"They are the roughest of the rough fellows, muscular as a working bullock, hairy as a chimpanzee, obstinate as a mule, simple as a child, generous as the slave of Aladdin's lamp. A fondness for rum and a capacity for absorbing vast quantities of that liquid are among their prominent characteristics. They are also in the habit of 'bruising' each other upon the smallest provocation, and it is a noticeable fact that one of the surest modes of securing the friendship of a cedar getter is to knock him down. He will probably return the compliment with interest, and reduce your features into an unrecognisable condition, but he will ever afterwards be your firm friend. There is a good deal of rude honour about these fellows. Thus, if one chances to light upon a fall of cedar, none of the others will attempt to cut even a tree out of the group."
Author: John Vader from the book 'Red Cedar.' Photo courtesy of Coffs Harbour Regional Museum.
Visit our bookstore: https://ozbookstore.com/
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14 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

LOL .......  lips, noses and bum holes 100% beef :) 

I stopped eating Vienna sausages about sixty years ago after I read the ingredients listed on the label.

 

I also stopped reading labels about that time.

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4 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

You eat pineapple on pizza?  On purpose?  YUCK!

 

'Tis difficult to eat a Ham & Pineapple pizza without pineapple   :)  ........ or Ham for that matter ........  :o

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8 minutes ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

as to the liver , ya can keep it all to yourself 

 

  only use for it is fish bait 

 

  CB 

 

I can't stand liver either....must try some for bait though!

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11 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

I can't stand liver either....must try some for bait though!

I spent hours as a kid looking at plates of Liver, Mom thought it was a health food.  Usually ate whatever else was on the plate and then sent off to homework or bed. 

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29 minutes ago, Rip Snorter said:

I spent hours as a kid looking at plates of Liver, Mom thought it was a health food.  Usually ate whatever else was on the plate and then sent off to homework or bed. 

 

I couldn't even stand the smell of it cooking when my Mum cooked it.

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5 hours ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

as to the liver , ya can keep it all to yourself 

 

  only use for it is fish bait 

 

  CB 

 

5 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

I can't stand liver either....must try some for bait though!

 

 ......... I'm not so sure that I'd want to catch any fish that' attracted to liver .......   :blink:

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11 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

Even the plants try to kill you.

No photo description available.

I told you so!

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On the subject of catfish

 

 

A lady wants to buy something at the sporting goods ddepartment, but the only clerk she sees is blind. She asks him how he would know what to ring up.

 

He told her to just drop it on the register, and he would be able to tell from the sound what it was. So she did - clatter - and he said, "Zebco 202 spin casting reel with rod, $15.00".

 

Amazed, she told him he was right and that she would take it. As she opened her purse to get out her wallet, she broke wind, loudly and odoriferously.

 

Embarrassed - but at least he didn't see what she looked like so he wouldn't know her again - she opened her wallet, and the clerk told her $23.

 

She complained that he had just told her the rod and reel was 15.

 

"Yes, 15 for the rod and reel, $5 for the duck call, and $3 for the catfish stink bait."

 

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

That's an awfully fast stage if'n it can make a 350 km run in only 4 hours. ;)

 

It'd be damn impressive if they could do it in 4 days.

 

I think the author meant four hours travel time by car these days. 

 

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>inflicting severe bites. The effects vary, including local swelling and pain, nausea, headache, vomiting, irregular pulse rate, and heart palpitations, indicating some systemic neurological toxin effects, especially when the bites were severe or repeated.<

 

 

So you've got morons down in Oz too?

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31 minutes ago, Alpo said:

>inflicting severe bites. The effects vary, including local swelling and pain, nausea, headache, vomiting, irregular pulse rate, and heart palpitations, indicating some systemic neurological toxin effects, especially when the bites were severe or repeated.<

 

 

So you've got morons down in Oz too?

 

Sadly wayyyyyyy to many Alpo :( and the buggers breed :( 

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14 hours ago, Alpo said:

 

So you've got morons down in Oz too?

 

14 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

Sadly wayyyyyyy to many Alpo :( and the buggers breed :( 

 

 

 

     ............................................. yes   :blush:

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062
cleanliness
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20 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

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Why does seem like it ought to be called "Tours by ACME, Wile E. Coyote, Guide"

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