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The Aussie Humour Thread


Buckshot Bear

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The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought Captain John DS. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo’s position was LAT 0º 31’ N and LONG 179 30’ W. The date was 31 December 1899.
“Know what this means?” First Mate Payton broke in, “We’re only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line”. Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime.
He called his navigators to the bridge to check & double check the ship’s position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed.
The calm weather & clear night worked in his favor. At mid-night the SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line. The consequences of this bizarre position were many:
The bow of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere & in the middle of summer.
The stern was in the Northern Hemisphere & in the middle of winter.
The date in the aft part of the ship was December 31, 1899.
The date in the forward part of the ship was January 1, 1900.
The ship was therefore concurrently in:
two different days,
two different months,
two different years,
two different seasons
and in two different centuries.
Euller, John (Sept.1953). "A freak of navigation". Ships and the Sea. 3. p. 18
 
319178996_10160570999733184_2084505555499120638_n.jpg.b89f7b9d5b957d6f465168d330858be3.jpg
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Except, of course, it was not in two different centuries. The 20th century started January 1st 1901. Not January 1st 1900. 1900 was the last year of the 19th century. You don't start counting at zero. 20 is not the first number of the twenties, but is the last number of the teens. 50 is not the first number of the 50s but is the last number of the 40s.

 

And two plus two is four. I have to throw that in because there's so many people out there that don't know diddly about arithmetic.

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52 minutes ago, Rip Snorter said:

Pretty much the same here in Montana, though the responses vary in degree based on relationship / friendships.

 

Also in ca, though a different finger.:P

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7 hours ago, Alpo said:

Except, of course, it was not in two different centuries. The 20th century started January 1st 1901. Not January 1st 1900. 1900 was the last year of the 19th century. You don't start counting at zero. 20 is not the first number of the twenties, but is the last number of the teens. 50 is not the first number of the 50s but is the last number of the 40s.

 

And two plus two is four. I have to throw that in because there's so many people out there that don't know diddly about arithmetic.

 

  ......... as a wise man once said, .... "picky, picky, ..... picky" ......    :P

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21 hours ago, Alpo said:

Except, of course, it was not in two different centuries. The 20th century started January 1st 1901. Not January 1st 1900. 1900 was the last year of the 19th century. You don't start counting at zero. 20 is not the first number of the twenties, but is the last number of the teens. 50 is not the first number of the 50s but is the last number of the 40s.

 

And two plus two is four. I have to throw that in because there's so many people out there that don't know diddly about arithmetic.

 

Knowledge is knowing that the 20th century started on Jan 1st 1901

Wisdom is knowing that the 20th century started on Jan 1st, 1900

 

 

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A DAY AT THE RACES
A Female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the ...little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.
As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?
'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Atlantic Jewell in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.
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