Yul Lose Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 My youngest son is getting married again and his wife to be and him have asked me to conduct the ceremony. I did the online minister deal and am now a certified minister. Since I’ve never conducted one before I need some advice from some of you that might have experience. The very first thing my wife said when I told her about it was “What The Hell Are They Thinking”? She obviously doesn’t have to much faith in my ability to conduct a wedding. Any advice would be greatly appreciated except Don’t Do It. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabez Cowboy,SASS # 50129 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Good Pastors can learn from watching other Pastors preach ,,, so watching other weddings by ministers of Your flavor do weddings might be one way to go .. Good Luck Jabez Cowboy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 First you need to talk with them and find out exactly what they want. Formal? Casual? Traditional? Are they going to write their own vows? Then go online and search How To Conduct A Wedding and several variations on that. Read lots of them. Write something up. Wait a day or two. Read it over. Read it out loud. Then edit. Repeat. Then show it to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singin' Sue 71615 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Follow God's lead, follow your heart. They have faith in you, else they would not had asked you to do them the honor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 A good source, even has a link to a wedding script generator. https://www.ulc.org/training/wedding/how-to-perform-the-ceremony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yul Lose Posted March 30, 2021 Author Share Posted March 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said: First you need to talk with them and find out exactly what they want. Formal? Casual? Traditional? Are they going to write their own vows? Then go online and search How To Conduct A Wedding and several variations on that. Read lots of them. Write something up. Wait a day or two. Read it over. Read it out loud. Then edit. Repeat. Then show it to them. Well, Joe that’s my predicament. They told me that they just want me to be myself and get them hitched. Being myself may be problematic conducting a wedding. I’ve already addressed the bride to be by the former wife’s name on numerous occasions over the last few years and until I was told I did it I never realized that I had done it. My wife is not my biggest cheerleader here and knows that the potential for major miscommunications is possible. She has even threatened to wear a disguise so that people know she’s not with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-BAR #18287 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Li’l Abner’s Marryin’ Sam offered a range of ceremonies depending on how much he was paid, from a simple $2 wedding to an $8 Ultra-Deluxe “speshul” in which he conducted the ceremony while being drawn and quartered by four rampaging mules. If they don’t pay you much, be brief. (Seriously, you have been honored. Seriously, be brief.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 I had a coworker who got a JP. His tag line became “I’ll marry anybody for five bucks.” $5 is the state mandated minimum fee. I did use his services and we did do something with the vows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 17 minutes ago, Yul Lose said: They told me that they just want me to be myself and get them hitched. In some ways that makes it easier since you won't have to shoehorn something into your style. But the rest of what I said still goes. Research, write the rite , let it sit a day or two, then read it, then read it out loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Gauntlet , SASS 60619 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 I've done it twice. If the couple are leaving it solely up to you, I'd base it on the Anglican/Episcopal Book of Common Prayer service, which is the most common and recognized in English. It does help if the couple has some ideas and wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Linda’s mom said “We’ll get an arbor for the wedding”. Linda, who was never one to ask for additional expense, said, “I don’t need an arbor”. Ok, Louise, said “ I have always wanted an arbor. “. Linda got the message and dad bought an arbor. Linda and I painted it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. O. R. Vet Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Just don't be like Dr. Spooner, a Methodist minister of the late 1800s. His usual admonition at the end of the service was "It's kisstomary to cuss the bride!" Note: this is where we get the term "spoonerism" For more info on Dr. Spooner just Google. "Dr Spooner and spoonerisms" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smoken D Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Just remember being your son ifen it don't work out, it will be your fault. Which I believe in some parts of Kountry Kalifornia is a hanging offense. Best of Luck to ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Painted Mohawk SASS 77785 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Hey Yul..Just make sure they are both gunna' turn up !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rye Miles #13621 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 9 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said: First you need to talk with them and find out exactly what they want. Formal? Casual? Traditional? Are they going to write their own vows? Then go online and search How To Conduct A Wedding and several variations on that. Read lots of them. Write something up. Wait a day or two. Read it over. Read it out loud. Then edit. Repeat. Then show it to them. What he said! ^^^^^^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendo Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 I've hitched up two of my daughters. Folks up above are right, just be yourself, it's why you were asked. I had a "theme" running for each one I did. (Princess Bride for the first, Johnny Cash for the second.) There's a few points that you need to hit, and the pronouncement of the new couple is important, so be sure to say that whole by the power thing. Oh, when you sign the wedding cert, there's a spot there that asks for your preaching denomination. Don't put Universal Life Ministries or whatever internet preacher. Just use what you were baptized as. Don't ask me how I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yul Lose Posted March 30, 2021 Author Share Posted March 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, Hendo said: I've hitched up two of my daughters. Folks up above are right, just be yourself, it's why you were asked. I had a "theme" running for each one I did. (Princess Bride for the first, Johnny Cash for the second.) There's a few points that you need to hit, and the pronouncement of the new couple is important, so be sure to say that whole by the power thing. Oh, when you sign the wedding cert, there's a spot there that asks for your preaching denomination. Don't put Universal Life Ministries or whatever internet preacher. Just use what you were baptized as. Don't ask me how I know. Would Church Of The Woodshop work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendo Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, Yul Lose said: Would Church Of The Woodshop work? Keep it simple, Maybe Woodologin... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El CupAJoe Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Be Yul self, sounds like an invitation to have an outdoor wedding with a double barrel! If brief is what you want, check out the Dusty and Donovan wedding in Apple Dumpling Gang... (dang, that's two ADG references already this morning and I haven't finished my coffee yet). In all seriousness however, just remind them that marriage is the first institution that God created after he established man and that He is the one who blesses it. That when they look to Him to supply their needs He will provide them with enough love, forgiveness, patience and grace to get them through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Duncan Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 10 hours ago, Singin' Sue 71615 said: Follow God's lead, follow your heart. They have faith in you, else they would not had asked you to do them the honor. Or they figured they wouldn't have to pay Dad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singin' Sue 71615 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 5 minutes ago, Matthew Duncan said: Or they figured they wouldn't have to pay Dad? Go back to your room!!! You need more sleep this morning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Duncan Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Just now, Singin' Sue 71615 said: Go back to your room!!! You need more sleep this morning! Yes ma'am.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El CupAJoe Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 1 minute ago, Singin' Sue 71615 said: Go back to your room!!! You need more sleep this morning! Hey, gotta save money to get primers somehow do they have primers on their wedding registry? Cabela's gift cards? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Harley, #14153 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Lots of good advice here. My only thought to add would be to rehearse and rehearse again whatever order of service you three create. I was involved in two of my kids’ weddings. It was emotionally very challenging to get through the script without losing it. Rehearsing the words definitely helped me keep composed, but did nothing to dampen my heart during the actual service. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colorado Coffinmaker Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 First council the couple that Marrage is THE leading cause of DIVORCE. then skip the whole thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abilene Slim SASS 81783 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 3 hours ago, Yul Lose said: Would Church Of The Woodshop work? That's better than Church of the Woodshed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abilene Slim SASS 81783 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" --Groucho Marx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linn Keller, SASS 27332, BOLD 103 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 A man of your experience has enough life under his belt to be flexible and think on your feet. Every wedding has something that goes exactly right. Something that goes bass-ackwards wrong. Something funny will happen, something will seem like an utter tragedy that five minutes later is comical. In all my years of performing weddings, I've never had one go off smoothly. One hot August afternoon, in a living room packed with friends and kindred, I could barely breathe and suggested, "Has anyone ever considered an outdoor wedding?" The assembled nearly trompled me to death in their haste to get outside. That was the wedding where I said "Let us now have the rings," and the groom looked at the best man, the best man patted his pockets and looked at me and said, "Rings?" A fast conference, a hoarsely whispered, "Where in the hell are the rings?" -- I raised my head -- "Folks, we'll have a brief intermission," and three of us ran in five different directions (don't ask me how but we did) and the rings were found. By me. In the kitchen sink. Under an empty ice cube tray. We ran back in at a gallop and continued. Another wedding, I was standing on a concrete block so I could be seen (and heard) to the back row. Friends and kindred had been coming in for three days, the shower had seen much use, their leach bed was right behind me. About the time I pronounced them man and wife, you may kiss the bride, I lost my balance and had to take a step back, and went ankle deep in the soggy leach bed. Good thing I keep my boots polished very well indeed as a matter of habit. The best man at another wedding had dined wisely but not well, but he'd drunk well indeed and not at all wisely. He looked at me and slurred, "I know you. You're a cop!" I patted him on the shoulder and said "You're right, and I really need your help!" He swayed and cheerfully hiccuped, then: "Sure, whattaya need?" I steered him to the nearest doorway and explained this was an old house, there was termite damage, keep his shoulder against this door frame so it wouldn't fail and hurt a wedding guest. He was happy to help me out. He was oiled enough I was honestly afraid he'd pass out standing up, but he could lean in fine shape, and did. This was the wedding where the bride & groom were widow and widower, each with a child: I reared back and declared "Dearly beloved," and the little boy hollered "You gonna kiss her now, Daddy?" -- and we all laughed -- try it again -- "Dearly beloved," and tug tug on my pants leg and I looked down into a set of big blue eyes and curly blond hair. "Why hello darlin'," I said softly, "did you come to help?" Auntie came hustling up to retrieve her. We all laughed again and I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath, looked at bride and groom and winked and said "Third time's a charm," and it was. Every wedding is unique, even if conducted according to the Book of Common Prayer: that you are asked to perform the honors, speaks more to their desire to have YOU do the work, and not so much the precision of word for word recitation of any set ritual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yul Lose Posted March 30, 2021 Author Share Posted March 30, 2021 Thank you for all of your replies. What bothers me the most is my propensity to still refer to the new bride with the ex wife’s name. I did it twice last night in a conversation with my wife and didn’t even realize it until she brought it to my attention and that’s when she made the wearing a disguise comment. It is so ingrained in my mind that I can’t stop doing it and to do it to her on her special day in front of her family and friends would be heartbreaking, IMO. Any spontaneous comments with her name in it on my part could put a damper on things, if I screw it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waxahachie Kid #17017 L Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 As a Lay Pastor, at the Cowboy Church, I've done one wedding, and four funerals. Trust me, I'd rather do weddings. I would first talk to the bride and groom, and find out what they would prefer. Traditional? Cowboy? Country? A long service? A brief service? There are the usual standard Bible passages to quote, but most couples like something unique, and a little bit different, along with the traditional things that are said. In my case, the couple wanted to let the audience in on the meaning of weddings done in Jesus' day, and the prophetic implications of the wedding ceremony, and that's what I did. I still get positive comments on that wedding ceremony, since 99.99999% of the audience had no clue as to what a Jewish wedding ceremony, in the 1st century A.D., was like, and how it reflected the last days, and the return of the Messiah. Like it or not, the audience was not only entertained, but educated, as well. So, find out what they want, and find out if they have any ideas, and build your ceremony speech around that. Like as not the future bride will have an opinion, and some advice. W.K. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Gauntlet , SASS 60619 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Yul Lose said: Thank you for all of your replies. What bothers me the most is my propensity to still refer to the new bride with the ex wife’s name. I did it twice last night in a conversation with my wife and didn’t even realize it until she brought it to my attention and that’s when she made the wearing a disguise comment. It is so ingrained in my mind that I can’t stop doing it and to do it to her on her special day in front of her family and friends would be heartbreaking, IMO. Any spontaneous comments with her name in it on my part could put a damper on things, if I screw it up. Write it down in the script. Don't refer to the name except when you are looking at it on the page. Put it in bold or upper case. I have done weddings and funerals. I always use scripts or outlines, so if you 'lose your place' you just pause and look at the text. Put yourself in a quiet room and run through the service out loud several times. This will perfect your cadence and your voice, as well as getting you very familiar with the text. Given your particular worry about the name, I repeat: put it in the text and look at the text everytime you use the name. This will overcome your worry about making a mistake 'under distress' during the service. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabez Cowboy,SASS # 50129 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 And remember that a man with-out a Wife is incomplete ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Once Yer married Yer Finished ... Jabez Cowboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bgavin Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Kudos for becoming a Mail Order Minister... My bride and I both did this many years ago... Our #4 recently did the same when she was asked to marry her friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendo Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 4 hours ago, Yul Lose said: Thank you for all of your replies. What bothers me the most is my propensity to still refer to the new bride with the ex wife’s name. I did it twice last night in a conversation with my wife and didn’t even realize it until she brought it to my attention and that’s when she made the wearing a disguise comment. It is so ingrained in my mind that I can’t stop doing it and to do it to her on her special day in front of her family and friends would be heartbreaking, IMO. Any spontaneous comments with her name in it on my part could put a damper on things, if I screw it up. Is it too late to have her change her name? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-BAR #18287 Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 name tags. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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