Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 FYI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 I was a bit ahead. I made some over the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 EVEN BETTER !!! ........... it's only 10 months 'til Christmas ............ ..... you're welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tennessee Trapper Tom Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 NO Beans! Meat heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 Chili Contest Report Recently I was honored to be selected (as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in Arizona) to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you’re a ruff, tuff, hard to bluff hombre like myself. Here are the score cards from the event: Chili #1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. BIRDGUN: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that’s the worst one. These people are crazy. Chili #2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. BIRDGUN: Keep this out of the reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looked like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchhill. I will NOT pick a fight with her. Chili #3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. BIRDGUN: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I’ve located a !@##**?%~?! Uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front of my chest. She said her friends call her “Sally.” Probably behind her back they call her “Forklift.” Chili #4: Bubba’s Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much chili. BIRDGUN: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn’t have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me her snake sort of coiled and uncoiled…..it’s kinda cute. Chili #5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. BIRDGUN: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Chili #6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. BIRDGUN: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing later. Chili #7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress. BIRDGUN: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn’t feel it. I’ve lost sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful and I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I’ve found a super nova on my tongue. Chili #8................................................ JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend of chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. BIRDGUN: ……Momma??!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 Birdgun, I can believe this... Some people’s idea of chili is so hot that it should be classified as hazardous material. In Elk Grove, CA they have a street festival every year and one of the events is a chili cook off where the public judges the winners. I guess the first year they had some issues with “burn your face off” chili so before they unleash some of these concoctions on an unsuspecting public the main judges go through and rate the heat levels of the chili. I guess after the second year lots of folks toned down their recipes so they might have a chance at winning, but some entries were still very spicy. Like Doc, I had some over the weekend. I love good chili...just not burn your face off chili. Just a note everyone: Apparently the answer is 3. Three posts before someone mentions “beans”. It’s kind of like posting something about Glocks. Within short order someone has to bust in regarding 1911s and their god, JMB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 26, 2021 Author Share Posted February 26, 2021 The big chili contests added a rule that the judges must witness the cooks consuming some of their own product. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 12 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said: Birdgun, I can believe this... Some people’s idea of chili is so hot that it should be classified as hazardous material. In Elk Grove, CA they have a street festival every year and one of the events is a chili cook off where the public judges the winners. I guess the first year they had some issues with “burn your face off” chili so before they unleash some of these concoctions on an unsuspecting public the main judges go through and rate the heat levels of the chili. I guess after the second year lots of folks toned down their recipes so they might have a chance at winning, but some entries were still very spicy. Like Doc, I had some over the weekend. I love good chili...just not burn your face off chili. Just a note everyone: Apparently the answer is 3. Three posts before someone mentions “beans”. It’s kind of like posting something about Glocks. Within short order someone has to bust in regarding 1911s and their god, JMB. I like a bit of heat in my chili, but I want to be able to taste the chili, not just experience the capsicum induced pain of heat. In reference to your edit, I make a Texas style chili, no beans, the beef cut into cubes about the size of the tip of your pinky. Masa thickens it, and since I usually serve it with tortillas, along with black beans, sour cream, cheddar cheese and diced green onion on the side, I've had people at horse shows make burritos of it and eat it on the go. One of the great arguments, probably greater than the Glock /1911 debate you reference, is whether beans are appropriate. I've never seen anyone get into a shouting match over which is the better auto-loader. I have witnessed a shouting match I thought might come to blows at the Area Vet Lab at Ft. Sam Houston when the subject came up once. No, I'm not kidding. This, among three people with graduate level degrees who could give each other good natured ribbing regarding their alma maters, one from The University of Texas, the other two from Texas A&M. I'm a pragmatist. If someone makes chili and offers it to me, and it has beans, I am thankful, and I eat and enjoy it. I didn't have to make it, I'm not going to complain about someone else's preference then. Oh. I don't believe in a God, or gods, or even deities. I do believe in giants. And John Moses Browning is one of the giants upon the shoulders of whom many gun designers, including Gaston Glock, stand! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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