Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 The Fireman’s Ball Normally I’m a pretty easy-going guy. Curious, even-tempered, non-judgemental, and definitely not confrontational – unless a situation warrants it. But I'm not one to back down. One weekend in late summer of 1974, I think it was. Don C., one of San Francisco’s Finest and a buddy of mine and I decided to head on up to Clearlake and the Mendocino National Forest for some hunting. We arrived in the area early Friday afternoon, and wandered about the woods for a bit, and eventually met up and visited with a local acquaintance. A few cold libations and exchanges of stories and jokes made for a relaxed and enjoyable early evening, and a discussion of our plans for Saturday. Up early, hunt a couple of hillside and ravine areas, explore some new areas, and then… “So you guys are gonna be at the ball, right?” Ball? I looked to Don, expecting he knew something about this “ball.” Don looked as blank as me; we both looked at Joe and asked “Ball?” “Yeah!” said Joe. “The annual Fireman’s Ball! Y’all are gonna come, right??” Fireman’s Ball? I shrugged, and said “Well, hadn’t planned on it. Heck… we came up from The City to hunt – don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout no Fireman’s Ball” Don said. I nodded my agreement, and added “B’sides, we don’t have any ‘Fireman’s Ball’ duds with us! What you see before you is us… and didn’t plan on ‘stepping out’ on a hunting trip!” Joe grinned and said “Hey! Y’all look fine! If ya got a clean shirt you’re good! Remember! This ain’t San Francisco – this is the Volunteer Fire Department of Clearlake Oaks! Those are all a bunch of guys just like us! There’s gonna be a bar, ribs, beans, rice… lots o’ food, and music and girls and dancin’ and it’s gonna be a BALL! “Y’all GOTTA come!” I looked at Don and he looked at me and we each independently assessed the value of a rib dinner against the other’s campfire cooking prowess, and announced that we would most likely be there – albeit in mufti. * * * * * Saturday was a long but rewarding day. We finished our hunting adventures tired, understandably dirty, but happy with the results of the day and looking forward to a good, hot meal and the fun of the “Fireman’s Ball.” After a canteen wash-up and fresh clothes (clean jeans and plaid shirts) and we were ready! Late afternoon found us at the “Ball” venue – rustic, to be sure; basically, a large garage area, picnic tables, spot for the band to set up, dance area and most importantly, a bar. We paid our fee and set about eating, mingling, and imbibing. And relaxing; a good way to close out the day. Alas, even good, fun activities can turn sour. Well into the evening (but not late!), I was milling about comfortably, and just beginning to enjoy my drink - a fresh gin and tonic. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the bar was well-stocked, despite pretty much everyone else there toting around large plastic cups of beer. So there I was. Enjoying the ambience, tapping a booted toe in time to the music, when suddenly a young lady I had never before seen in my life appeared in front of me. A very pretty young lady! She smiled sweetly at me, leaving me briefly stunned. And then she spoke. “So! You really think you’re something, don’t you?” Huh? I was kinda shocked, I gotta tell you… and just looked at her without expression. Her smile morphed into a sneer as she continued: “Yeah. You! You must think you’re just hot stuff, right? I’ll bet you think you’re special and good-lookin’ and better than the rest of us, huh? I’ll bet if you step in dog poop it wouldn’t even stink…!” I was totally focused on this young “lady” whom I had never before laid eyes on, and then she decided to get nasty. “Well let me tell you something, you lower-than-scum jerk! You’re lower than that dog poop! “And not only that, you wouldn’t even be a SHADOW to my boyfriend! My BOYFRIEND is a FIREFIGHTER! He’s Big! He’s Strong! He’s six inches taller than you and handsome and rugged and has BIG SHOULDERS and MUSCLES! He’s SOMEBODY and you AIN’T! And you know WHAT? My BOYFRIEND could whup your butt without raising a sweat! He could mop up that dance floor with you! And I am LOOKING FORWARD to seeing him beat the $&%^ outta you, you *bleeping* jerk!” Well, that did it. I’m pretty much a non-confrontational sort. But… I looked at this sneering, suddenly not-so-pretty young lady standing before me, and did something totally out of character. I sighed, then took my almost completely full plastic glass of gin and tonic, held it over her head, and up-ended it. An immediate transformation took place. Her sneering, mean, nasty countenance abruptly became an expression of utter shock and dismay. Her mouth worked wordlessly like a guppy out of water for a moment. Evidently torn between sorrowful tears and frustrated outrage, she stamped her foot, then stomped away. I watched her leave, feeling a bit sorrowful myownself at the loss of my drink as well as a tiny bit sad for her – maybe she thought I was someone else? Suddenly, I became aware of a smattering of applause. I turned, and there were several onlookers smiling and clapping. One of them – a BIG fella, who reminded me of Paul Bunyon’s little brother, separated himself from the others, stepped over to me, shook my hand and with a grin said “Dude! That girl’s been needin’ that for a looong time! Good on ya! C’mon… lemme buy you a fresh drink. It’s the least I can do! After all, I’m the boyfriend!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 DANG! You know how to tell a story! Thanks, Hardpan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michigan Slim Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Oh I like that one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Better’n the one about the state police ball. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 She must have had some hidden but rather special talents you were unaware of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Dear Miz Whiskey, I asked you not to encourage him. Now look what he's gone and done!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whiskey Business Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Guess you tamed that shrew right and proper! Good on you, Hardpan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted February 3, 2021 Author Share Posted February 3, 2021 Johnny’s Birthday I was bored. It was a summer Saturday in 1979 and the weekend was not going well at all. No one available to go fishing with… hunting season hadn’t started yet… the Giant’s and A’s were both playing away games… I was bored. Sitting at home in my San Francisco “garden apartment,” it occurred to me that if it got any worse, I’d have to resort to doing housework or pulling weeds. I was bored, dangit! My melancholy was interrupted by the ringing telephone. What’s this? Someone’s interrupting my melancholy? “Hullo?” “Hardpan! It’s Hank! Hey, listen! Howard S. and I are on our way from Stockton, headed down to San Bruno for Johnny’s birthday party – ya wanna go? And can we crash at your place tonight?” Heck YEAH I wanted to go, and of course the buys could crash at my place that night. So the guys detoured when passing through The City, and off we went to San Bruno. The gig was fun! Lots o’ people we knew and a bunch we met that day… all fun folk. Almost all, anyway. At some point during the afternoon I decided to take a break and check in on whatever ball game was on the tube in the den. Wandered in, found a comfy seat, and settled with a fresh drink I’d grabbed on the way. Gin and tonic, of course. People wandered in and out, some staying for a while to watch then wandering back out, and some just poked in their heads for quick “Howdy’s!” Eventually I realized that someone had slipped in and occupied a wingback chair across the room from me, next to the doorway. A lady I didn’t know… I’d paid no mind when she came in, but in due course I had a strange feeling and realized that she kept stealing furtive glances in my direction. Well, I naturally snuck a peek or two in her direction. Hm. Kinda cute… and for some reason she looks kinda familiar. Someone I’d met at work? Maybe…. Someone from a class? If so, it had to be a college class. Possibly… possibly…. And then the li’l flashbulb went off in my head. I turned, smiled, and gave the Girl from the Fireman’s Ball a beaming smile and a toast-salute with my glass. She returned my smile with a perplexed look. After about a ten-second gaze, realization struck. With a soft “Eek!” her eyes popped wide open, her jaw dropped, and as her mouth formed a perfect “0” she leapt to her feet and fled. Ya see, Johnny lived in San Bruno, but had a weekend/vacation house in Clearlake Oaks. It was Johnny who had first introduced us to the place years earlier. Joe, who had invited us to the Fireman’s Ball, was an Oaks neighbor of his, as were many of his other birthday party guests. Including the gal I’d become briefly acquainted with five years earlier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watab kid Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 didnt see that comin , was just reflectin on how much i enjoyed the first read , tryin to think exactly how to put my response , then you hit me with that ...im at a loss for words for now - an uncommon thing for me - im still digesting i think , Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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