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After a particularly hectic day, I told the wife I wanted "Mistakes Were Made" engraved on my headstone when I die.

 

Without missing a beat, she quipped, "wasn't that on your birth certificate?"

Edited by LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L
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4 hours ago, LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L said:

After a particularly hectic day, I told the wife I wanted "Mistakes Were Made" engraved on my headstone when I die.

 

Without missing a beat, she quipped, "wasn't that on your birth certificate?"

 

Now that my keyboard and screen are clean. 

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Yesterday, I read an in depth article about the health risks and dangers of over indulging in alcohol.

 

Today, I decided to be proactive about the situation.

 

I decided to give up reading.

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I became confused when I heard the word Service used with these agencies: 

Internal Revenue  Service

U.S. Postal  Service

Telephone 'Service

Cable TV Service

Civil  Service

State, City, County & Public Service

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant. 

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows. 

BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. 

 

You are now as enlightened as I am.  Service

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"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

 

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you

don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

 

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

 

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

 

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a race horse on a flat track; no problem at all."

 

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

 

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

 

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

 

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

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3 hours ago, Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 said:

I became confused when I heard the word Service used with these agencies: 

Internal Revenue  Service

U.S. Postal  Service

Telephone 'Service

Cable TV Service

Civil  Service

State, City, County & Public Service

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant. 

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows. 

BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. 

 

You are now as enlightened as I am.  Service

Old buddy, I learned that in junior high school, way back before they invented the metric system.

 

When are you folks coming back up my way?

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2 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

No Cops Body Asking for a friend 593.jpg

Several years ago a co-worker told me, jokingly I'm sure, that when the race war started he was coming to my house.

 

I told him if he showed up at my house I would shoot him off the front porch, and then drag his corpse out into the middle of the street.

 

If we had no police, that is what I would do with a home invader. Drag his corpse out into the middle of the street and leave it there.

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