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Friday Humor - jump in and add some


Pat Riot

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HUMOR!

THE DRUNK CHIEF!

A Navy Commander and his wife are awakened at 0300 (3 am) by a loud pounding on the door. 

The Commander gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken Navy Chief, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 

"Not a chance, Chief!" screams the Commander...

"It's three o'clock in the morning!"

The Commander slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk Chief asking for a push." he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not! It's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory..." says his wife...

"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The Commander does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

The Commander calls out into the dark...

"Chief...are you still there?"

"Yes." comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the Commander.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the Commander.

The Chief replies...

"Over here, on the swing."

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On 4/28/2022 at 12:37 PM, Sixgun Sheridan said:

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, He got out three times to pee."

 

************************************************

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

 

******************************

AND the LAST…

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

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