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While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.

"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

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6 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.

"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

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Found on FB

 

"I've probably shared this one a jillion times, but it still hits my funnybone every time I read it.

My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. 
"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. 
"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?"

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A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyer, from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense!!

The Irish Garda says," License and registration, please." London Lawyer says, "What for?" Irish Garda replies, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign." London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Irish Garda says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License And registration, please." London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Irish Garda says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

The London lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between "slow down" and "stop", I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

The Irish Garda says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." The London lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the lawyer with it and says, "Now do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. And when he picked up a jewelry box to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying: "Jesus is watching you.”

 

 He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. After just a few seconds, clear as a bell, he heard: "Jesus is watching you.”

 

 Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

 

 "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

 

 "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you.” 

 

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

 

 "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

 

 Suddenly, he felt a giant shadow materializing behind him. "The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus." 
 

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5 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

image.jpeg.ab0893fe726b00b4719fe7801102d9ed.jpeg

 

I just realized this was the Friday humor thread, and not the meme thread, so it should be safe to make a comment. :P

 

The reason Pat gave for editing - I absolutely positively 1,000% agree.

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4 hours ago, Alpo said:

I just realized this was the Friday humor thread, and not the meme thread, so it should be safe to make a comment. :P

 

The reason Pat gave for editing - I absolutely positively 1,000% agree.

I actually had some interaction with one of our Mods about this “merging bullsh**” and the Mod had no clue what I was talking about. I explained it in detail and never heard back. 

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