Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 When You Run Out Of Duct Tape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have what you might call an "Attitude Suitability Test" that you must take before you can be accepted. We don't let just anyone carry our badge, son." Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six crooked lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit." "Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant "You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?" GOTTA LOVE TEXAS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 A man in New York walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sell whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter... Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old b***** outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?" "Brazil, sir." the boy replied. "Why did you leave Brazil?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and soccer players there." "Is that right?" replied the manager. "My wife is from Brazil!" "Really?" replied the boy. "Who did she play for?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 Just paid my utility bill for the month. At least I will starve to death in a warm house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 A Finnish story…. In 1939, Stalin grew tired of tolerating the existence of Finland on the Soviet Union’s western border, so he decided to crush it. In December, 120,000 soldiers, backed up by six hundred tanks and a thousand artillery pieces, readied themselves to invade Finland. The Finns were unperturbed. Their generals were competent, their borders were fortified, and their people were ready to fight and die for their homeland. As Russian bombs fell on Helsinki on the 30th of November, and Soviet divisions began crossing the border, a joke began to spread among the Finns. Whether apocryphal or not, this surely has to rate as the coolest line in history: “They are so many and our country is so small, where shall we find room to bury them all?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 2 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: They are so many and our country is so small, where shall we find room to bury them all?” Harold Godwinson, speaking of Harald Hardrada (who was invading and wished to claim England as his own) said that he could have six feet of English soil, or as much as he was longer than that. Harald being purportedly five els in height (an el is 18 inches, so 5 els would be seven and a half feet). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 10 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: True story: I once pulled a vehicle over as it was leaving a subdivision. When I approached the woman driver, she immediately went off on me about the stop, threatening to report me to the media, the mayor and the police chief. As she sat there giving me hell, I reached up and got her purse off the roof of the car and handed it to her. I never spoke a word to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted February 19, 2022 Author Share Posted February 19, 2022 15 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: Two quick stories: I was on my bike behind a short trailered semi at a stop light. There was a cell phone on the bumper of the trailer. I was blowing my horn and waving at the driver. I could see him in the mirror. When I had his attention I pointed at the back of his truck and waved him back to come to me. He did. I pointed at his phone. He grabbed it and thanked me with a smile and a wave. One day while riding my bike down a boulevard I saw a Mercedes station wagon with a roof rack. At the front of the rack was a purse. The car was in the left lane. I pulled up to the right side and blew my horn as we cruised down the street at around 50 mph. The lady driving looked over me and I pointed at the purse, yelled and then pointed for her to pull over. She rolled up her windows and sped up. I sped up. I kept blowing my horn and pointing at the purse on the roof of her car. We were going about 60. She flipped me off, hit her brakes, moved into the left turn lane and then made a left onto the freeway on ramp. Luckily she had a green arrow. The last I saw of her car the purse was still in the roof wedged up against the cross bar of the roof rack. I do hope it stayed there until she got where she was going so she would find is and realize she was acting like a jackass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 If a tree falls in the forest, is the husband still wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 3 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: If a tree falls in the forest, is the husband still wrong? My wife says.... Yes Regards Gateway Kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 2 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: If a tree falls in the forest, is the husband still wrong? 2 hours ago, Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life said: My wife says.... Yes Regards Gateway Kid AND... It is his fault! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Abe Lincoln's back? Looks more like his front, to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 In 1977 I hired a guy who was an Annapolis grad to be a software engineer, he had done his required time in the Navy. He described the Navy as submarines, aviation and targets. He served in targets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 My son served aboard the LST-1187, U. S. S. Tuscaloosa. He told me that LST stands for Large Slow Target. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El CupAJoe Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 We have a beaver family in the lake south of town. The lake has two outlets, both of them have lodges on them. I saw that a otter family had taken up residence in the east lodge. I know we have the best most generous beavers around here. When they see other animals in need, they give a dam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 As we are approaching "THAT" time of year...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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