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Pat Riot, SASS #13748

English is a Weird Language - I fixed it

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Let’s try this again...

 

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

 

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.


8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

Edited by Pat Riot, SASS #13748
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I was an English major and taught English for many years.  As I told my German-American business partner: "I taught it, but don't ask me to explain it."  All I can tell you is that American English is a composite of every known language ever spoken, and it mutates on a daily basis when new words or meanings are added.

 

The closest comparable language I can think of is Australian English.  They are as screwed up as we are.  :o  ;)  :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Forty Rod SASS 3935
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Whoever wrote all that had wayyyyy too much time on their hands... :huh:

 

Now excuse me while I go park my car in the driveway and see about the shipment coming to my house by truck...

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24 minutes ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

All I can tell you is that American English is a composite of every known language ever spoken ,and it mutates on a daily basis when new words or meanings are added.

 

When I worked at Siemens the Europeans that I worked with were baffled but fascinated by American English. 

When I went to Germany I had a few instances where pretty young German women would like to sit and  talk with me to practice their American English.

This totally threw off my German colleagues as they wondered where this strange magnetism came from. These young women paying attention to this older American guy made them a bit jealous. I got a kick out of it.

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7 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

When I worked at Siemens the Europeans that I worked with were baffled but fascinated by American English. 

When I went to Germany I had a few instances where pretty young German women would like to sit and  talk with me to practice their American English.

This totally threw off my German colleagues as they wondered where this strange magnetism came from. These young women paying attention to this older American guy made them a bit jealous. I got a kick out of it.

I had the same thing happen in Japan and ended up teaching "conversational English" with a group of Marines in Hiroshima at a place called the Hiroshima English Cultural Society. We met every Friday evening at Peace Park, not 200 yards from the "Atomic Dome, ground zero for the A bomb we dropped.  People would stop me everywhere and ask me to walk with them so they could practice their English.  One of my best memories. 

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Waaay too long!

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1 hour ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 

 

 ....... there, their, they're ............... it's not all that bad ........ ( meaning that it's OK ) ............

 

 

:unsure:

Recommend you edit your post and delete my “quote”

 

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ENGLISH IS A DIFFICULT LANGUAGE.

 

IT CAN BE UNDERSTOOD THROUGH TOUGH, THOROUGH THOUGHT, THOUGH.

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1 hour ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

....... there, their, they're ............... it's not all that bad ........

 

It's WORSE!  :D

 

The real problem with English:
English doesn't borrow from other languages. English follows other languages  down dark alleys, knocks them over and … | Funny puns, Sign language  phrases, Language

 

Or: "English is the language that came about from Norman men-at-arms trying to seduce Saxon barmaids."

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I fixed the original post and asked a Mod to fix Wallaby Jack’s post. 

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1 hour ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

And after a tree is chopped down it is chopped up.

And if she is knocked up it sure isn’t the opposite of knocked down. 

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24 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

And if she is knocked up it sure isn’t the opposite of knocked down. 

In pre twentieth century London, before alarm clocks, there were men employed to knock on windows when it was time to wake Up. They were called knocker-uppers.

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1 hour ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

And if she is knocked up it sure isn’t the opposite of knocked down. 

Knocked up isn't the same in England as it is here, either.  Caused an embarrassment for an exchange student at USU 53 years ago, but he married his way out of it.  :P

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2 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

Knocked up isn't the same in England as it is here,

You know it's coming but it surprises every time.   Shall we knock you up at half eight?

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16 hours ago, Sixgun Sheridan said:

Whoever wrote all that had wayyyyy too much time on their hands... :huh:

 

Now excuse me while I go park my car in the driveway and see about the shipment coming to my house by truck...

I parked my car in the DRIVEway and then later I will drive it on the PARKway!!

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6 hours ago, MizPete said:

You know it's coming but it surprises every time.   Shall we knock you up at half eight?

English exchange student finally got an American sorority girl to go out with him.  In the Student Union food court with about five hundred students packed in the room.

 

"Does eight sound about right?"

 

"I'll knock you up then."

 

"YOU DAMN SURE WILL NOT!!!!"

 

Intervention by a bilingual friend saved the day and the couple got married the following summer.

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On 9/16/2020 at 6:38 PM, Rye Miles #13621 said:

Waaay too long!

 

Even for Pat Riot! :lol:

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