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And She Didn't Hit Him With The Pliers


Subdeacon Joe

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Notice the position of the cutters at the end. Yep, she gonna snip:lol:

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I know I've told this tale a time or three here:
About 30 years ago ... ????  That long?  and she hasn't killed me yet???.... 
Anyway, I was in the kitchen cutting up some green onions (had already finely diced the red bell pepper) and missed on a feed.  You know how it is, you have your fingers curled under and use them to feed whatever it is to under the knife.  So, I missed a feed and instead of making my intelligence roll and stopping I tried to rush the next feed. Which put my left index finger under the knife by, oh, maybe 1/16 of an inch.  Took off about a third, maybe a bit more, of the fingernail.  "OH MY!" I said, although using a slightly different idiom, something more along the lines of what a mule skinner might say, and grabbed a few paper towels and headed back to the bathroom to deal with it, holding my paper-wrapped hand high above my head. 

Now Lisa, my blushing bride (and that long ago "bride" might have been the appropriate word) was in the dining room, didn't see what had happened, and yelled back asking if I was OK and if I needed anything.  "No, I'll be fine. Just cut off about a third of the nail on my left index!" I shouted back as I started to run cold water on it.

Most things I can deal with fairly well as far as pain, but my fingers are VERY sensitive.  I could feel myself going shocky, I guess it didn't help that I was a little dehydrated and hadn't eaten for about 12 hours, and things were getting fuzzy around the edges.  So I got some antiseptic on it, got a dressing and bandage on it and went back out front, holding the hand over my head.

I got out into the living room and flopped into a chair just as I kind of greyed out.  Hand still over my head,a nd Sitting down brought me around. The way the house was, the kitchen was open into the living room, and there was a doorway into the dining room on the far side, so I had a straight look into the dining room. Also, the angle was such that I could see her reflected in the front of the under the cabinet microwave.  

I watched that reflection and as she came into the kitchen, and before she could see me, I closed my eyes and let everything just slump.  Right arm dangling straight down beside the chair, head lolling to the side, left forearm draped across my head.  I could HEAR her eyes pop open and HEAR her jaw drop as she came to a sudden stop.
Then I giggled. 

"YOU JERK!  YOU....(various phrases describing anatomy and ancestry)" I giggled more.  "IF YOU WEREN'T HURT I'D KILL YOU!!"

Yes, it's true, one must suffer for ones art!


 

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You’ve read some of my tales of Harley, our first Dalmatian.  This video and some of the stories relayed here reminded me of an incident years ago involving Harley and Schoolmarm!

 

One Saturday, right after lunch, one of my racing buddies/clients called and asked if I could come and tow his rig to the track and help him with his dragster. I told him I could if he paid expenses and got Schoolmarm in too. He agreed. 

 

As we were getting ready to leave, she called the dog to take him out. He came running  in and attempted to jump onto the couch next to where she sat, but she leaned over and his head hit her right in the nose!  It broke her nose and set it to bleeding profusely.

 

We had plenty of time, so I took her to the emergency room to get it looked at.  The usual setting and a small splint and tape, and we went on and picked up the race rig.

 

The rest of the weekend was uneventful, but Schoolmarm was uncomfortable for a few days and she bumped her nose several times. 

 

She asked me and Hatfield both how we’d dealt with broken noses. We explained that for simple cartilage breaks, we would just find a mirror and straighten it ourselves, to which she showed total disbelief.

 

Hatfield, still in high school, came home from football practice later that week with his proboscis laid over on his cheek. She screamed! He walked into the bathroom and after a few minutes, came back out dabbing a little blood from under his now straightened snoot.

 

She looked at both of us and snarled, “I hate you bastards!”

 

At the end of the next week, her doctor removed the splint and bandages.

 

 

 

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