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Since I can't get out to the cow pasture, and shoot today...I thought of a few local sayings I heard, while growing up around here. 

 

1. "I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other."

2. "There are more ways to kill a cat, than choke him on butter."

3. "I feel lower than whale manure, in the Mariana's trench".

4. "I'm as hungry as 49 barrels of tapeworms."

5. "It's so hot, the trees are chasing the dogs."

6. "It's raining harder than a cow whizzing on a flat rock."

7. "Bull riding is a sure-fire way to meet a pretty nurse."

 

Your turn.

W.K.

 

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Posted (edited)

Trust everybody in the game.

But always cut the cards.

 

Never pass up a chance to empty your bladder.

 

Don't argue with the cook.

 

Don't pick a fight with an old man.

He's old for a reason.

Edited by Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474
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One more...

 

"I ain't seen you since Moby Dick was a minnow."

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Sweatin' like a whore in Church.

 

Hotter than the gates of hell.

 

I could pee over a ten rail fence.

 

He/She ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer. 

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My ma used these sorts of maxims all the time, though they weren't regional or local. "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone." "If wishes were horses beggars would ride." "I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail." "What time is it? Half past kissin' time, time to kiss again!"

 

Lots more. Don't hear many of these homey sayings anymore....

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One oft-repeated maxim in the Army:  "$*&T in one hand, wish in the other, and see which one fills up first."

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From my motorcycling touring days.

 

Never let the guy with a windshield lead.

 

Never pass up the opportunity to fill up your tank or empty your bladder.

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Hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk.

 

Madder than a wet hen.

 

If you break your leg, don’t come runnin’ to me!

 

A face made for radio.

 

 

 

 

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I'll give you something to cry about.  It's coming up a cloud.  Pretty is as pretty does.  Hold your taters (while I peel mine).  S/he had a spell.  Gimme some sugar.  That l'il booger (a lead-in to what a small amusing child did).

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She's is so ugly she could scare a dog off a meat wagon.

 

Shut the door, were you born in a barn?

 

Go take a long walk off a short pier

 

Quit talking your stupidity is showing! 

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"You can fool some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all the people all of the time." - A. Lincoln

 

"You can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time....and those are mighty good odds!" - Maverick's ol' Pappy

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Posted (edited)

""Pardon my boarding house reach."

 

(After a good dinner) "I wonder what the poor people are doing tonight."

Edited by Red Gauntlet , SASS 60619

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11 hours ago, MizPete said:

I'll give you something to cry about.  

 

I swore I'd never say that to my kids...

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Barney Fife was at a party with a lot of women around.

He told Andy some to the effect of..... "If a quail flew thru the room, they'd all point"  (in reference to being dogs)

 

Another one I remember from a retired sailor, talking about the beauty of a particular person.....

"If I had a dog that looked like that, I would shave its A$$ and walk it down the street backwards".

 

..........Widder

 

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No matter how thin you slice the baloney, you can still throw a brick through a plate glass window.

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Useful as a rubber crutch in a polio ward.

 

Went over like a lead balloon.

 

Oh, so's yer Aunt Tilly!

 

You'll be smiling on the other side of your face in a minute.

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The night was darker than three feet down a cow's throat.

 

Or....(and I'll try to clean it up some)

That person was richer than three feet up a cow's behind.   

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He was shakin’ like a dog s#!//!n’ peach pits!

 

He couldn’t find his a$$ in a phone booth; with both hands in his back pockets...and a road map!

 

I’m not going to stand here and blow sunshine up your a$$.
 

Happier than a hound dog licking his b@//s in a butcher shop!

 

Colder than my ex-wife’s stare...

 

If you fall off that thing and kill yourself, don’t come crying to me!
 

I’m so hungry, I could eat the a$$ out of a rag doll!

 

He’s so broke, he couldn’t afford to put sweat in a dirt sandwich.
 

There’s more, but I’ve used up enough bandwidth... (I know; thank God!!)

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The Aussies are all rubbing their hands together and saying "hold my beer and watch this":D

 

The Aussie vernacular was made for this post, have no fear we will self censor, a bit.

 

To get us started.

 

As ugly as a bucket full of smashed crabs

More front than Myers (an old dept store with a big shop front)

So windy it blew the dog off his chain

I Thought (and the answer was) Thought stuck a feather in the ground and thought he would grow a chicken

We call him aspro, a slow working dope

 

I am sure the other Aussies will have a few to add.

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Darker than a black cat eating licorice in a coal mine at midnight. 
Colder than the shady side of a witch’s teat in a brass bra. (In mixed company shortened to, Colder than the shady side.)
Popular as pay toilets in a diarrhea ward. 
I gotta pi$$ like a ten peckered goat. 
Stupid as a screen door in a submarine. 
 

 

Seamus

Edited by Seamus McGillicuddy

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For someone who's trying to put a positive spin on something bad--"You can put kittens in an oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits!"

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More nervous than a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory.

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One from my Grandpa...."If that don't get your motor running, you need to check your oil."

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Bowed up like a Halloween Cat!

 

Busier than a one legged man in a rat stompin contest.

 

Quieter than a mouse pissin’ on a cotton ball.

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My Mom used to say "Women who raise little boys to be strong men work from Son up 'til Son down" .

Look at the spelling.

It wasn't about the earth's daily spin on it's axis.

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On 7/25/2020 at 9:21 PM, Red Gauntlet , SASS 60619 said:

""Pardon my boarding house reach."

 

(After a good dinner) "I wonder what the poor people are doing tonight."

My Mom used that second one all the time. Brings back good memories.:)

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Good as snuff, and not half as dusty.

I'm going to jerk a knot in your tail!

You're lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut.

He's slicker'n owl sh*t.

He doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

If you don't stop that crying, I'll give you something to cry about!

That dog won't hunt.

He don't know s**t from shinola.

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

So ugly she’d make a freight train take a dirt road.

He was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rockers.

That chair is all cattywampused.

She's all gussied up.

Dumb as a bag of hammers.

Tougher that a two buck steak.

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Phrases:

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink.

Never trust  a skinny cook.

Never trust a bald barber.

Not the brightest crayon in the box.

No dust on that one.

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

But it's a dry heat. :P

 

Words:

Clusterf**k

Thingamajig

 

 

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Couldn't pour water out of a boot if the directions were wrote on the heel.!

 

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